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Thread: living on CL alone as a single mum - paying private rental - how do you do it?

  1. #19

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    hi gigi, just wanted to give you a I know how daunting it is. as you know been there, doing that....



    I cant say anymore then what everyone else as already said other then what I do every single day - I start the day with this mantra Trust. Forgive. Let go I know it may sound airy fairy, and isnt practical advice - but it is truely the one thing that has gotten me through - the numerous anxiety attacks that have threaten to undo me, the days of depression that have had me seeking my bed, the angst of not knowing how i was going to pay this, feed the kids etc etc etc.... everytime my head starts to spin i take a deep breath and say those words.

    With you in spirit darling.


  2. #20

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    Gigi, I hope you and Bilby are doing okay. It must be so much to take in. Have you any IRL help where you are?

  3. #21

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    sweet heart, i hope you are coping okxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx sorry to hear that you are going through all of this, it is really overwhelming and emotional but you can and will do it.

    When we were too poor for the internet I used to book weekly computer time at the local public library, just to catch up on BB.

    Try hard to seek out a share house. I imagine it would be hard trying to share house with a child, but even if its just for 12 months while you sort things out and feel better and stronger, it cuts costs down SO much.

    I cook a boggan load of pasta meals in this house! It is so cheap, yummy and DS loves it. Another staple is home made vege soup, just whatever vegies are going cheap, boil em up with water and some chook stock, yummy! I have a big bowl of soup and 2 pieces of toast for dinner, DS wont eat soup so he has 1/2 can of baked beans, very cheap also. Pancakes are wonderful too, kids love me, they are cheap as chips and you can do lots of different things with em.

    Sending loads of love your way xxxxxxxx

  4. #22
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    bilby's father went into Centrelink this morning, to lodge paperwork for his new business - they told him he doens't have to - cos we're separated. So BANG goes the confidentiality CL promised me. Now he knows what i've done.

    he rang me up immed and wanted to know "is there another man"?
    it would never occur to him, that i don't want to be with him, despite the whole "four years of separate sleeping arrangements" thang.

    he is going to be livid
    i bet he will spend all night convincing me not to go (not to live with bilby will break his heart).

    he is going to corner me with so many questions
    i wanted to avoid all this, doing a flit when he was at work (when i have somewhere to go)

    i am so dreading tonight

    so much for squirrelling away money. now he knows, that won't be possible either.

    i think this happening, will force my hand, i'll end up leaving with very little
    the time for sorting, packing etc will be gone

    i'm scared (not of physical violence, but of endless arguing with a person that hasn't been able to communicate with me for years, so what's the point now).

    being in a tiny unit, with a person you don't want to live with, has been unpleasant enough (for last four years)
    but
    being in a tiny unit, with a person you don't want to live with, who KNOWS you are leaving, i dread what that is going to be like.

    feeling sick just thinking about it.

  5. #23

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    Oh hun

    It seriously sounds like you should maybe find somewhere to stay until he settles down a little, even if just for a night or two.

    It sucks that you're going to have to deal with him being like this. I'm sorry he's found out about your plans.

  6. #24

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    Gigi- come stay here!!! your are more then welcome. you and bilby will have to share a room and it may be crowded but please Im serious.. I can be there tonight to help you or even tomorrow when he is at work

  7. #25
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    thanks Ness, you're so kind. if i thought it would be just for a few nights, i prolly would take you up on your kind offer. but i have no clue how long it will take me to find somewhere to live, and i coudln't do that to anyone (land on them indefinately).

  8. #26

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    gigi please take ness up on her offer,

  9. #27

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    Gigi I'm so sorry that CL broke your confidentiality. Please take Ness up on her offer, at least to give you some time to find somewhere permanent. And when you are more settled I think a complaint to CL is in order to save the next woman going through the same thing.

  10. #28
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    my head is bursting, i don't even know what i should do first, (in the five hours i have, before he gets home).

    Ness has got the biggest heart, but how can i land on her, when i have no idea how long it's for? i am not eligible for emergency housing, competition is stiff, rents are high, it would not be a quick process.

    and now i can't do the "flit", i won't be able to take the washing machine with me (and other things i was planning to take). so the move will be much more expensive.

    i am scared and feeling a bit in shock

    bilby's dad has never shown signs of violence, so please don't worry on that score.

    i know he will berate me tonight about how i could never be a single mum, wouldn't be capable of looking after bilby on my own etc.

    maybe he won't say much - he knows i'm trapped - can't find somewhere else to live - maybe he'll just laugh at how trapped i am - don't want to be here, but can't do anything else.

    i guess if i was him, i'd be glad to be sleeping in a bed again (he's been on the sofa for years). THe sooner i'm out, the sooner he gets to sleep in a bed again. And he could stop living like a monk.

    but he won't give bilby up without a fight, how can i blame him for that, i feel that same way. we both love her to pieces, just not each other.

    i bet i get 1,000 promises from him tonight. I will do X, I will do Y (so then you won't leave).
    heard it all before, too many times to count.

    i think i will pack an overnight bag, with important docs and few changes of clothes for me and billbs. so if i do get to the point, of needing to jump in the car and leave, at least i've got the basics on me.

    argh

  11. #29

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    Are you in SA (festival state?) I'm going to have a small fully furnished house available soon but not until our new house arrives - could be 3 months+ so probably not an option for you.

    By 'fully furnished' I mean everything for a single or couple from teaspoons to new bed linen, but no stuff for kid's rooms.

    Either way, if you're leaving with not much, you can sometimes find fully or partly furnished places around.

  12. #30

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    She is in SA hun....

    gosh I wish i knew how to help more. maybe look at rentals near a laundromat? I know you would qualify for a bond from the houseing trust place so you dont need to worry about that..
    centrelink can also offer loans to single parents.. can be around 300 with the pension plus 300 with FTB.. and you just pay it back fortnightly.

  13. #31

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    hun, i'm so sorry it's come about like this. truly i am. it's horrible to be stuck in a situation you feel you can't escape. if you've been on pps for a while you may be eligible for an advance to give you extra funds to get out. have you queried emergency housing recently for you and bilby? get on the phone to c'link, ask to be put through to a social worker, and get whatever help you can get. i know you have stated you have no fear of physical violence, but from what i've read (including this most recent post) it sounds like there is a lot of emotional "control" and abuse (in it's own way) - as horrible as it is, this might be the shove you need to get out.

    on the confidentiality front - i don't want people thinking c'link has done anything wrong because they haven't breached confidentiality. generally sep under one roof requires statements from both parties (which would mean both know), and even if that hasn't happened, when the processing is done, your files are unlinked so it would have been a general comment about not requiring the information as you are no longer linked (sorry, i know it's semantics - just wanted to mention because of the fact c'link cops enough flack)

    i know your DD is older than mine, so i can't help with a lot, but if there is anything you need in terms of linen, please, let me know. it may not be top end, but we have single and double bed stuff i can mail over (even if it's to Nessa to get it to you), towels etc. we're about to move so we've been doing a massive cull and this stuff is going to be sent to st vinnies anyway

  14. #32

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    Im willing to help out any way BG!!!!!

    I dont have anything extra.. but I will store stuff in my car port and will hunt down things on free cycle from now on

  15. #33

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    let me know what you need hun. as i said, i've got heaps here. i can hold off sending stuff to st vinnies (were planning on using the sheets as packing material for moving anyway, so it's not a rush thing) - whenever you need it, i can send it over

  16. #34
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    thanks so much.

    for the last few years, i have been stocking up on towels and sheets, precisely for this situation, so we are fine on that front. But i really appreciate the offer. i've been opshopping for years (to survive) so am used to doing that.

    i think everything hinges on me finding somewhere to live. cos until that happens, i have nowhere to send our stuff, or store stuff from freecycle. i don't even know how i would transport stuff from freecycle (no towbar and no towing knowledge).

    i have an hour left of today (before he gets home), the day has gone so fast, i've gone thru some "important documents" stuff, but i don't feel like i'm being very effective, feeling overwhelmed alot.

    Rumpled Elf, PM me about the house, where is it? are we talking city or country? housing trust list is 20 years long (i'm catergory two), so to wait a few months? that sounds pretty good to me.

    Brigsy, you are right, there are many economic and emotional type abuses going on here, but each time i ask a DV helpline, i get told i don't qualify because i don't get physically hit.

    Sorry to vent about CL, i know it had to come out sooner or later - just didn't bank on it being THIS soon. (only a week). i thought i would have at least until September up my sleeve (when rent review gets done). I have had two very helpful CL people help me in last month. (in real life offices). i have an appointment with a CL soc wkr tomorrow afternoon. fingers crossed.

    i feel like i will be setting up home, from scratch almost (like when i was 17) but with a child to keep happy, secure and safe at the same time. it feels so daunting, thank you all for your comments and kind words, it means alot to me.

  17. #35

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    does anyone know how much it would cost to courier a washing machine and dryer over to sa from vic? we have spare ones here. actually, we will probably have to get rid of a bit of stuff that might be able to help out. if we get the sized house we think we'll get, we may have a spare kitchen setting too. i don't want to have to pay for a storage unit for any period of time, so PLEASE, let me know and we can arrange something. our house hasn't sold yet (hopefully soon) so it's not time sensitive to get it out atm. it's just sitting here as we got a larger set and haven't decided what to do (we were going to set it up in shed for DH's work stuff - but then he lost his job... sigh)

  18. #36

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    Pah, moving house. I just got an email from the builder saying it is going to council and give us $2000 and sign your life away now thanks so maybe our new house is closer than we think

    Housing trust list is insanely long, you need to be very much an emergency case to jump that queue and private rentals are getting more expensive by the day.

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