How did you react..feel........

[Madham]

I agree with TD , i am sure he didn' mean it to hurt you. They are very strong words to hear and can break your heart. I remember when DD first said it to me, she was about 5 at the time and i responded with well that makes me sad as i love you very much, I am upset with you to but i do not hate you. I think it only happened one other time so far. She is nearly 13 so i expect it to occur again next few years. I cant offer any advice really but just wanted to say dont take it to heart..

[tiggerandpooh]

oh Maz...Just wanted to give you a I can feel your broken heart and total bewilderment. I remember when both my DD and DS1 have yelled it at me in anger how hurt I felt. I can't remember how old you little man is - sorry, so this may not be appropriate - but when both of my kids have done it, I actually told them what the word HATE meant - to bear malice on someone - which of course led to what does Malice mean. I explained it as wishing something bad would happen to someone - like they get hurt really badly, or that they even die. I then went on to explain why that hurt me so much. I know that Wilhelm has autism so my responses may not be appropriate, I'm not sure. But if he is beginning to have an understanding of emotions and feelings then maybe it is.

I know your cup is feeling pretty empty at the moment... and this won't be any consolation when your feeling empty - but I think your pretty amazing hun. In the midst of your own journey as a mother you still have the capacity to reach out your hand and make others feel cared about and heard. I hope that someone soon is able to do the same for you.

[Je$$_84]

Maz HUGS..... This happened to me for the 1st time few weeks ago... not quite as bad as yours but just as painful.

DS is 4 and very "over-active" people keep telling me.... He's a monster who is runs amok, yells and screams at me and doesnt listen. Also he has a speech delay which i think is 1/2 of his issues.

Few weeks ago he was worse then usual and was screaming at me while i was asking him to do something (i.e clean up the mess he just made). This is what unfolded
Me: "..... can you please clean ur mess mate your sister is awake and wants to play on the floor"
DS: "i dont want to"
ME: "why"
DS: " cos i dont love you" (well that was like a slap in the face... actually i think that would have hurt less.... my little boy was sayingt he didnt love me)
ME: "why dont you love me"
DS: "cos i dont like you, i hate you" ( bam, another slap then another)
Me: "Oh baby thats not nice, but even though you hate me i still love you and i'll keep on loving you for ever and ever"

DS got angry and walked off....

It happened few days latter but this time there was punching and i replyed with well i hate you too, then i burst in to tears and said i didnt and that i loved him and it hurts my heart when he says that.

Dont know how to cope.... i'm just hoping it never happens again.... I feel for you... its such an aweful feeling to hear your child say that.

Everyone is right Maz, Your an amazing person.

[Kitt3n]

maz - oh hun.

with DD1 when she says/does something like that (used to every now and then but hasnt for ages) i would just look at her, with absolute pain in my eyes, then walk away and sit, holding myself, just staring and looking sad.

she couldnt handle it and would come to me "mummy mummy i love you, i love you, i am sorry"

i really dont know if that will help with Wil, i really dont - but its worth a try maybe?

sending you so many hugs, you are a muse mummy, dont forget that

[alioops]

Oh hun

I know that when I told my mum that I hated her for whatever reason (probably because she told me not to do something ) she used to withdraw affection. She basically said 'well I love you, but if you really hate me then you dont like it when I cuddle you or give you treats or anything nice, so that is stopping now' It worked. I also used to have privelages taken away, like the TV (I never had a gaming console, maybe taking the DS away will work?) because that was a priveledge, not a right, and that is how it was explained to me.

He really does love you but doesn't know how to express that he doesn't like your decisions while still loving you.

[suse]

Ah sweetie, you're having a rough week, aren't you? I don't have any advice for you babe, just a huge hug.

And someone once told me: to be able to tell someone close to you that you hate them, you have to love them very much.

He loves you babe, he's just doesn't know how to express what he's feeling any other way yet.

[Muppity]

Oh Maz sweetheart, sending you loads of hugs

I am a firm believer that we aren't sent any challenges in life that we can't succeed at. Sure it may seem like an uphill battle at the moment and over the last few years you have been thrown some real doosies but I know that you have faced every one with a strength of character that I can only dream of having.

He doesn't hate you, you are his Mum and noone can ever replace that and deep down he knows that, he just hates the situation that he finds himself in and we always lash out at the ones we love the most.

And you have NOT failed him as a mother. You have done the very best that you can possibly do and continue to do it every day because you are an amazing woman and mother to all your kids.

Now my dear, do something for me, tonight once W is asleep and the household is quiet just go and stand in the doorway of his room and watch him sleep for a moment. And remind yourself that he does have wonderful peaceful times and that he does love you just as much as you love him and that you have the strength to fight for everything that he needs. Remind yourself that you were chosen for this special role because you were the best girl for the job.

[maz]

Now my dear, do something for me, tonight once W is asleep and the household is quiet just go and stand in the doorway of his room and watch him sleep for a moment. And remind yourself that he does have wonderful peaceful times and that he does love you just as much as you love him and that you have the strength to fight for everything that he needs. Remind yourself that you were chosen for this special role because you were the best girl for the job.

oh bloody nora!!!!!!!!

I was sucking in the tears until I read that.

Thank you all for your wonderful support. I don't know where I would be sometimes if it wasnt for BB and you girls who take the time to listen to my dribble and give me advice and the strength to keep going.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart