4 weeks ago my baby man started pre school/day care.
He's a real shocking mummies boy & has some pretty serious seperation issues. He'll go out to mum & dad's place fine now & stay a weekend, but he won't stay at his best little mates house without me for 20 minutes, even though he has spent day after day there with me.
I was thinking about starting him back when he first turned 2, but finding out about DD3 took a while to get used to & I just had too much on.
I decided I better start him now, to start the seperation very slowly before he goes to school in 2 years.
Day 1, go in, look around, leave him for about an hour (with his permission), then come back to him just waiting to burst into tears
Day 2, stay with him for about 1.5 hours, then we both leave.
Day 3, arrange to have 'Mr Pat' take him to do boys stuff (he's a real boys boy), but we are away for a funeral so miss out.
Day 4, Friday just gone (Fridays, weekly).
We get to the door, I ask if Mr Pats around. No.
Lady in charge comes over to DS (knows I'm stressed about it all), says its ok, it'll be ok.
Picks him up, he starts screaming, tells me to go...
I watch her carry him away screaming for me, promise him I'll be back & turn my back on him
I was in tears going through the gate. Balling my eyes out for ages.
I pulled out, went through 2 sets of lights & they rang me at the third set (5 minutes) he'd stopped crying... I was still sobbing like a baby! (Cried for about 20 minutes before I pulled myself together!)
He was ok, just kinda stood back & watched, no melt downs. They let him do as he pleased to make it easier on him.
I picked him up & he lost it with me Telling me I was naughty & that he wanted to come to the shops
He did pep up a tad before we left, his teacher got him giggling a bit.
One photo they showed me I could see the 'about to burst into tears face' (can be seen in my FB photo's of his first day).
He talks about it, but won't admit that he had an ok time.
Do I keep forcing him like this? I dunno if he can handle it, but I certainly can't!
Neither of my older girls were like this. It was different with them. They were happy to go...
But he does need to start getting ready for school. I know its 2 years away, but I really think he needs to start trusting other people now.
What would you guys do???
I'd happily keep him home with me forever & ever...
Last edited by ~clover~; February 27th, 2011 at 08:27 PM.
Probably stick it out if you can...it will probably be a great thing for him in the end to feel secure without you.
I have had similar issues with my DS (who is 2) going back to creche into a new room after a 6 week break over Christmas, but he really started turning the corner last week (about week 3) and this week he was fantastic! He walked in himself instead of me carrying him, he hung up his own bag on the hook, and said Hi to his carers when we got there!! I know he really loves it, and needs the stimulation of the other kids and activities. And he has already learnt so many new things...his speaking has improved, and he is so proud of himself when he tries something new.
I know it is hard, I hated these first few weeks back, but I think it is so great for leading into school later xooxo
I've just never, ever forced anything on him.
He was an attached booby baby for 2 years.
I know its good for him, but it breaks my heart. I have tears in my eyes now, just remembering how abandoned he sounded
DS1 Has been good he says bye and goes and plays, when I come back he is excited to see but asks to go home as soon as he sees me!
DS2 Gets upset and crys when I leave and I am told settles fairly fast and when I go to pick him up he starts crying as soon as he sees me!!
They tell me he has a few tears during day but stops fairly quickly with a cuddle.
I know its hard but I suggest keeping at it, I feel awful as DS1 didn't have time apart from me until he was 27 months when he went to OCC for 5 hrs 1 day a week and then CC starting 3 weeks ago so leaving DS1 so young is terrible but I know he will be fine as sad as I am to leave him.
Aaahhhhh I'm having these issues NOW... Oskar was fine for about the first 6 months last year then it all started... but we got past it and then I changed him to go to a different kindy (which is better for him and also offers so much more for my money) and he cries EVERY time and says I take too long to come back etc... I hate it but I have to leave him there. One time I didn't, I just thought this is too hard, he wasn't negotiating at all and I told him I can't do that again. I don't know what to tell you cos Oskar is almost 4 now and it's worse for me now than it was a year ago ... although I don't think the lady should've just taken him away the way she did. Sounds like you didn't really have see ya later time.
He is about 6 months older then my youngest (nov 08). I personally wouldn't push it just yet. Iain is also very much a mummys boy & is only just now willing to go to DH if I say ask daddy. Things like needing help with the toilet or being picked up at the shops etc. For a loooong time it was only me. He would scream & carry on if DH tried. He would only accept me for anything! If I go out & leave him behind he cries. He gets over it pretty quick but he hates me leaving him behind.
I think he is finally letting go a bit as I have recently weaned him from the breast.
But no way would I try Day care yet. my DD started just last week at her new "preschool" (recently moved state) & Iain likes being there but would not handle me leaving him.
2 years is ages away as far as school goes. Yes he needs to start trusting others, but clearly he isn't ready yet. I believe he will be more trusting if he is allowed to be so in his own time. If it was me, I would probably leave it if its not a *need* to be in daycare & try again in 6 months. In the mean time, visit often, go to playgroups, visit friends etc. Get him socialising more while he is still in his comfort zone.
hun at the end of the day you do what is right for you
FWIW my twins were never left with anyone - not for one sec besides my DH and I until their first day of kinder
they were fine!
but age 3 they were ready to be left- they understood it all and there were no tears
they are very clingy kids and tell me how much they miss me everyday after school but they understand that they need to go to school and they feel safe and secure at school so it is fine
i really dont think that you need to get kids used to being left in time for school- the best thing to get them ready is TIME and them growing into that stage
its all up to you- if you want to continue to do this then go for it- but if the price of you both being not happy is not worth it- then i would wait for a bit and maybe try it when he is a bit older
hugs hun and just do what is right for you!!!!
I left my son when I went back to work - but didn't want to! He was fine with it at the second nursery I tried, and was soon telling me to go.
He now races me to Nursery and loves it. If he didn't, I wouldn't be working. Before I went to work, he wouldn't be left with anyone, anywhere. And I was fine with that - I'm his Mummy, let me mummy him! A few months later he would play with friends for a little while without me, but only about half an hour. He now, age 4, wants to go to Sunday School without me. But I never make him go anywhere until he's ready: when I returned to work, I had a late start booked at first so I could settle DS before going to work. Even now, I have turned up to work a little late because DS was clingy - but I either had early starts so made up the hours later, or I didn't need to be in first thing those mornings. Necessary early starts means DS gets breakfast at Nursery for an instant settler!
The point of these ramblings is that if your son is settled there and happy(ish), do persevere. But if your instincts are saying "not yet" then don't push it until you are ready - I didn't push Liebs with stuff unless I had to go to work, and even then make sure that he comes first.
I'm going to keep going for now. But if things don't change in the next few weeks we'll stop for a bit.
DD2 started at 2.5 & was fine with DC for a long time. Then about 6 months before she started school she would do similar. Latch on & tell me she didn't want to go.
After a few weeks I stopped her, because she was hating it. The second she found out what day it was she'd cry. But she hasn't wanted to miss a single day of school... no matter how sick!
He's still talking about going back to feed the chookens, etc.
She did apoligise for just taking him. She just wanted me to see that he would be ok if we did it that way.
I'm the type of mum that tells them everything. We haven't stopped talking about it, because I want him to know its happening again, & that again, I will come pick him up.
Not to jump to conclusions.... But if it is, do you think there could be a carer there they don't like?
Reason I say is my boys went to a DC/preschool and LOVED it. Every day was "Is it a preschool day?" We use to spend heaps of time there just because they liked it so much. Then we moved away, 1 started big school & The younger started at the little mobile preschool close to home. But then as big school approached for him I started taking him back down the the original place as they had a proper "pre" school programme in place. He HATED it. He was good to start with but by a month or so into it it was a fight to get him out of the car to go in.
When I asked him why he didn't want to go, It was the new director he didn't like. All the other carers where the same as before. But the original owner had come back & taken an active role in the centre & it was her that he didn't like. She was over bearing, in his face "grandma, pinch your cheeks" over the top. So I stopped taking him there. We returned to the mobile preschool where funny enough the director was the old director of the original preschool. He was happy, enjoyed his last term before big school & that was that.
So I just wonder, seems your DD got weird in the last 6 months of her stay there, Maybe there is "new" person there that's just too in their face & they don't like?
DS is a big mummy's and daddy's boy. Last year at 2 1/2 he started daycare 1 day a week in preparation for school and to give me a "day off" He hated it. Cried the night before and that morning, was fine there , and would cry when I picked him up. So after 4 months I gave up.
He has just started school and has amazed me. Runs in, says "Bye mum" and off he goes. Loves it.
HTH
FJ - DD2 went to 2 different ones. I'm pretty sure her oppinion of it all changed around the same time she got really sick with tonsillitis & glandular fever.
She had about 2 weeks off to recover & never really wanted to go back again.
DS does go to the same one. I actually thought it'd be better going to the one she went to, since he'd been there & played already.
They are talking about opening one up here at the school of some sort, so I'm supporting that 100%! I really think going to the girls school will make all the difference.
Lets just hope it happens!
From a carer's perspective, do you think your DS thinks that you are going off shopping and having fun without him, ie, he is missing out on something, I remind my kids here that mums/dads are either off to work or off doing jobs and as soon as they are finished they will be back.
Maybe a photo book, showing you doing something mundane like making beds, eating morning tea, cleaning the floor, which matches up with something that DS will be doing at the same time, playing in sandpit, eating morning tea, puzzles, storytime, blocks, etc that the carers at pre-school can show him, or a time line type of pictures; playing inside, outside, morning tea, craft, playing, lunch, rest time then mum comes for pick up, just so he knows what happens next, may make him feel more secure.
For some children it does take 6-8 weeks to settle in, I have a little girl here this is week 6, came in this morning with smiles instead of tears, Mum actually cried (happy tears) on her way to work because her DD was happy to stay. As long as your carers are supporting your DS and will phone you to collect if he is distressed, I would leave him a few more weeks just to see if he will settle. If not, maybe take him out for now and start him in another 6 months time.
He went again today. Again he wasn't happy. Pulled u=in the driveway with him crying. Got him out just for hugs & he said he didn't want to get his bag out, coz he knew that'd mean he was staying.
I left the bag & took him in crying.
No phone call. Picked him up about 3 hours later, & while he cried when I got there, he didn't cry at all through the day!
They are taking it very easy on him, but I think we are doing ok...
How many days a week is he going?
Maybe he would be better doing 2 succesive 1/2 days rather than 1 full one.
Many many kids are dodgy on their first day of daycare for the week and are fine on extra days.
I know mine is
I hate this!
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks