I think why not give it a go - if it doesn't work out at least you gave it a go. DD loves her childcare and I will be keeping her in 2 days a week when I go on maternity leave for a number of reasons - to keep her place, to give me a break and to allow me to spend 1 on 1 time with the new baby.
I don't think you are lazy at all - I work a 7 day fortnight (3 days one week, 4 days the next) but DD is looked after 4 days a week so once a fortnight I get a child-free day. I need it for my sanity, the house gets a proper clean and I can do things like go to the hairdresser, doctor, OB, dentist etc.. which are impossible to do with a 2 year old. It's hard work bringing up kids, running a house and working!
1 day a week can work if you manage a good routine around it. DD goes to childcare at the gym for an hour before her swimming lesson once a week and she has done since she was 9 months old - I go to the gym and then pick he up for her swim. She has her routine down pat and knows that every Friday is gym and swim day. It just depends how you structure the rest of your week.
DD1 first went into childcare when she was 1, I did have 1 day a week work then. I bumped her up to 2 days at the change of the year so I could get more work and also have some time to myself (I worked 2 days one week and 1 day the next). She definitely settled in more once she went to 2 days.
We moved at the start of the year and initially she was not in care as I was not working. I found thought that she missed it, plus being pregnant I was having lots of appointments and needed some rest as the little miss stopped having naps. Both here and back in Melb, there was no family for support. I used occasional care of 2 hours a couple of times a week, often when I had something to do, but sometimes as she really enjoyed and asked for it. I was also taking her to playgroup, but it was just not enough for her. Managed to get her 1 day a week and I also used 1 session of occasional care, she had no trouble going between both. Finally managed to get a 2nd day, so I dropped the occasional care. She still goes to playgroup.
The great advantage of having her in care when pregnant is that when I went into hospital, DH did not have to take the whole week off work, she still went into care. DH saved leave days which were used to spend more time with us when we came home. Also it was a bit of consistency for DD1 during all the change of having mummy away and then coming home with a baby. I still have her in care, I find it beneficial mentally and physically. I get to spend some one on one time with bubs, bubs is calmer due to not having her big sis in her face all day, I get to have some sleep and it is easier to run around in town with one rather than two. Also when I am ready to pick up work to do from home I wont have to rush around and find some care for her.
Remember we are mothers, not matyrs. In these days without family being just around the corner, some of us have to create our village in other ways, if that means using childcare then we should not be made to feel lazy or guilty.
I've unfortunately had to take DS out of CC today - he was going 3 days a week but I have since started Maternity Leave and it just comes down to finances.
I would have loved for him to go 1 day a week to the point where I was still begging the owner to consider it this afternoon on his last day, however their policy is that children attend a minimum of 2 days and well i just can't justify the additional expense.
We are starting Playgroup next week and hopefully he will enjoy that - in the mean time I'm going to try and find him care 1 day a week but might just wait and see how it all pans out.
I say if you have the opportunity to go 1 day a week give it a go - you can always stop.
In regards to sickness - can you look at starting her in Spring?? it's closer than you think - trust me I'm counting down the days - I'm so over Winter and each day gone is 1 day closer to my due date
It looks like I am one of the very few, but you did ask so I am just going to jump right in & answer!!
Personally (& it is SUCH a personal choice honey, so no matter what anyone says here you HAVE to do what you feel is right...), I wouldn't put my DD in childcare if I didn't have to. The thought actually makes me quite anxious but that is my hang up lol. I'm not sure if I can put my feelings as to why down here as clearly as I would like, but the main "issues" I would have are the sickness thing (she's not been sick at all yet, touch wood) and just that I would miss her & worry that she wasn't being looked after the same way as I would IYKWIM. She is going to be little for such a short amount of time & I want to enjoy it, enjoy her, nuture her as much as I can & all that jazz lol. Luckily, I don't have to work right now, we aren't rich but we aren't starving either & I am so lucky that I don't have to make that CC choice, like I said, it makes me anxious just to think about.
As for the 'socialising' side of things, I am pretty sure that babies don't actually actively socialise until around 2? I have 'The Science of Parenting' around here somewhere, that's where I read it, will try to hunt it out to tell you what it says exactly, but again, if you feel that your DD loves playing with other kids then your DD loves playing with other kids!
As for having or wanting 'me' time, I am happy for DP to watch Punky when he gets home so I can have a nice long shower (shhhhhhhhhhh!) or leave her with him for an hour or two on his day off while I go for an outing to the shops, doesn't take much to make me happy & I miss her when I'm out anyway.
I'm with Mel - you tell us if you get any hate mail (the very thought! on MY BB!! ) & we'll sort 'em out! *cracks knuckles*
I am a SAHM and I put DD1 in daycare at 15months. She loved it from the start. She did struggle with illness last winter (that was her first winter) but this year she is not so bad.
I think 2 days is much better than one if you can afford it. Unfortunately I am not sure if we can afford to put DD2 into daycare for 2 days so we may just do the one.
I may hold off with DD2 as she seems to have a different personalitly to DD1...
I love daycare days as it is my time to regroup a bit...believe me I don't sit on my tushie and watch TV...I usually work in DH's office, do friends hair or house work.
If you have a bub on the way I would recommend putting her in now. She needs time to adjust plus she'll have a baby in the house soon and this will be another adjustment period.
I can't believe you got private hate messages...that is so not BB spirit!!!!
I don't "have" to have DD1 or DD2 in CC and yet I chose to, and have always chosen to - starting with just one afternoon a week when DD1 was 8 mo. Without family close by to babysit on occasion, it is really the only child/baby free time I've ever had. The benefit to me is that I'm energised, more organised, more present and switched on with my children as a result of having quality time away from them. They too enjoy the change in environment, the new people they meet.
However, having said this, my preference has always been for family day care. I always felt slightly uneasy on those occasions when I needed to leave DD1 in a CC instead of FDC, as I don't feel the institutional environment is best. So if you still feel that time away from DD would benefit you but have reservations about the centre, I'd encourage you to check out the FDC scheme in your area as another option.
Good luck and I hope it's a smooth transition for you!
PS I too am shocked that anyone would send PMs like that!
QUeenmab - i hear you !! lol DD has been at my side for 14 months - been babysat twice (for a few hours at a time) and not because i dont want people to look after her - i just dont want to miss out on anything
I will put her in and see how she goes - i am sure i can take her out again (if a few weeks notice lol). And i am looking into family day care! thanks! it sounds nice.
p.s looks like my sole bodyguard has found herself a possy! lmao!
First up may I just say that I am disgusted that anyone sent you "hate mail" etc and that those people should be very very ashamed of themselves!!!! Just pathetic!
I think I may have replied to your previosu thread, but to give you some support:
WHen DD was three we had no other kids around, she has no social stimulation with other children. SO I decided to put her in ONE day a week.
She was fine with the one day a week thing and I never had any problems with it, infact at first I truly think that 2 days straight up would have been too much for her.
I didnt work days, but did work part time evenings and weekends so I guess there wasnt really a "need" for child care, but there certainly was a need for my little one to develop herself socially and emotionally so I believe it was the best thing by her.
I put my DD in daycare for 1 day per week when she was 4 months old, it was supposed to be a day for me to get some stuff done (like shopping as DH is a shiftworker and shifts change each week) and it just so happened that I went back to my old job p/t as things were getting a bit tight.
We then pulled her out at end of June so I didn't have to pay while we were away for 6 weeks, and just re-enrolled her this week. She was already happily playing before I even walked out the door.
I think it is good for them for the social aspect, and she has had some colds etc, but it is building her immunity. They do things like painting (which I am thankful that I don't have to clean up after this one) and have a lot more age appropriate toys and she has already learnt to share. She is also used to having to do as told from other adults, not just me and DH.
I have also just witnessed my cousin on the other hand who's daughter is 4 and has not been away from her mum in all her life and she is struggling with being left. Both her parents have had to go to work since they arrived in Oz and I have been asked a few times to pick her up cause she isn't settling (think this is a lot of being told what to do from someone other than her mum and she gets the sulks and not her own way). Not saying this happens if your child doesn't go to DC, but is a possible scenario.
So to answer you q, Yes I would and have and it was good for us.. This may not have been the case if I felt uncomfortable with the particular centre though..
My DD goes to family daycare one day a week and loves it. Yesterday she kept running to the door and asking to go to 'Linda's' Her carer, made me feel really wanted lol. Is it possible to start with two half days if you are worried about it being too long between visits then cutting back to one day a week. I don't think you are being a lazy mum at all, I work 3 days a week but I don't start until 1pm however DD starts FDC at 9 and I love those few hours to myself every week. When I go on maternity leave this time I will keep DD in FDC. Good luck with your decision.
I just want to say as well, its okay to send your child to care to have some time off. I'm going against what a lot of people feel and thats okay too. I didn't want my girls to go to care before they were 1 yrs old. FDC until they are 3, and I have a rule in our house that before they start school they have more days at home than in care. Just our house rule. I work weekends & nights and 1 day a week and its absolutely paramount for my mental protection that I get a few hours without the girls to organise the house & have something for me, a shower by myself, bath or a massage. Its nothing to be ashamed of, and its okay to say that for you or for me its a necessity.
I work 2 1/2 days, DH works 4 long and one short day (full time but odd hours). I have my half-day when DH has a full day, I have a full day when DH has a half-day. And I leave DS in nursery on those Tuesday afternoons! I have NO other time off. DH is away all weekend on some stupid work team-building thing (and I hope the bloody boat has capsized in the middle of the Channel and he hasn't caught any fish for his dinner... DS didn't go to sleep til gone 9 tonight, usually 7.30-8), I don't get that luxury so I don't feel guilty. Looking after children can be really taxing, especially when you do as fantastic a job as we all do, and we need time to recover from that.
DS is in his nursery three different days and is fine with it, but he was fine the first time I left him there. The first nursery he hated - and he was happy with one and hating the other at the same time. Under 3 weeks to get him settled at the new place and that was 2 days a week then. He is also fine for his grandparents. His grandparents have looked after him a grand total of four times (or is it three? I'll be generous and go with four) over a period of six months and he was fine all those times. If you have a good nursery then your child will enjoy going there and be settled. It may take a bit longer if it's just one day a week but it really amazed me the first time I left DS, just for an hour, he didn't cry once and when I returned was playing so happily he didn't even bother to look up and see me! When I drop him off he runs off to play, when I pick him up he finishes what he's doing, has a cuddle and then tells me about his day. He loves it. More than being at home with me all day! Haven't noticed more illnesses either, but then it is summer here and he was breastfed all of last winter. Having said that, all his mates, his nursery chums, his girlfriend, kids he loves playing with in the park and at playgroup, all of them had chicken pox and not DS so maybe he as a really strong immune system anyway.
In short, if I could afford not to work and put DS in nursery then I'd do it in a shot.
my husband works overseas for 6 weeks at a time and then has 2 weeks back here, my family and his family are both overseas so I don't have that support. DD goes to CC 1 day a week, it is the best thing for her and me, from the first day she didn't shed a tear when I left her and I feel totally comfortable leaving her there - when I go to pick her up she doesn't want to leave and it is hugs all round between her, the carers and the other kids. I don't work and I do this purely to have a break, catch up on cleaning, errands and mentally give myself some time out, otherwise it would be 24 hours a day 7 days a week for me. I don't feel guilty about leaving DD in care to have time for myself, I know it makes me a happier mummy and that can only be a good thing.
Give it a go and you will know pretty quickly how your DD feels about it but don't feel guilty about doing it.
As for those sending you 'hate' mail, I would have reported them to the mods, this is not what Belly Belly is all about, a big boo hoo to them.
We have this week just started our little guy 2 days a week, admittedly so I can go back to work to enjoy some "mummy time"! Our families provide very limited support to us so for us it was the only way.
It was hard to find the right care set up for us, Family Day Care is very thin on the ground in my area and initially I had a real thing against creche due primarily to my seeing kids with runny noses every time I looked at one. After getting through the year and Zac having been ill with coughs and colds from mother's group, DH bringing them home from work, going to the shops (!) I have realised to a certain degree it comes with the territory and like Lucy am hoping that Zac's immunity will build early on in his life as a result.
We eventually found the right centre near work.
One week down - Zac did not cry on our leaving him or collecting him. Only a little during the day when he woke up. A good feed helped him through that. He has already come home doing and saying different things and whilst it is an adjustment (and we have our first cough already!) nothing, touch wood, has otherwise majorly changed in terms of his routine etc.
Pink! here is my big fat opinion. I dont want all your hate mailing fans to head to my place but i just have to say it.
i will never again use a day care centre. ever. i do not like them. the coughs and colds the missing personal items the negligence leading to constant uti's and nappy rashes. BUT! this is based solely on my own personal experience with a very dodgy centre! if you are happy then i am happy.
but here is the up side. family day care in my opinion is FABULOUS! we switched and never looked back. my dd connected with her carer like she was a grandmother.
trust your instincts. you know your child better than anyone else, you know when she is happy and content. do what works for you!
send them 'haters' round to me. ive got some pg hormones that need a place to vent
Like you I was lucky enough to almost be able to choose what to do with regards to CC. I work for myself, but I got DH to agree that DD wouldn't go into any CC-type arrangement until she was 2. Until then I swapped a day with a friend who had a DS the same age. So I would have her DS and my DD for one day at my house and she would have them another day. I am doing that again now with another friend.
This year she started one day a week at a local private preschool (there aren't many that take them from the age of 2, most start at 3). I was more comfortable with this than CC and took her there on several visits to make sure she liked it. I like the educational structure and focus and it's 9-3 as for any normal school day. She had absolutely no problems settling in, I got a few tears when I first left but they were gone before I was even out of the door. None since. She loves it there, has lots of friends and is learning more than what I could teach her alone.
Another friend who has a DD the same age uses family day care, where her DD goes to an approved carer registered with the council with only a few other children 2 days a week. Ring your local council to see if anyone has any places available. I also have a cousin who does this in Qld and I think it's a great option if you find someone you like. You aren't obliged to go through with it if you don't feel it's the right fit.
Just a few ideas - hope you sort something out soon!
(PS The colds thing during winter is a nightmare - they really are constantly sick and so too is everyone else at home as a result! But my DD has gotten over every cold relatively easily and I am hoping she might continue bfing through next winter as well to help with that!).
Having worked in an Early Learning Centre (essentially a childcare centre with an education focus... run with a 0-2 room, a 3yo room, a 4yo room and a pre-prep room for children not quite school ready). It was an excellent centre but didn't offer single days except in the 0-2 room... and there were only 10 children in that room and it was very hard to get into...and it was very expensive (part of a private girls' school). But this is one of the very few CC options i would use if it was to be on a regular basis. The standards are very high... individual needs and differences are more likely to be catered for and the staff highly trained... and more mature women carers than young girls.
I've been to a few CC for a look which were truly miserable places. You really do have to choose your centre. This is where you really must trust your intuition and don't ignore alarm bells just because you are desperate for an outcome.
To answer you orignial question: yes, I would put a child of mine into CC for one day a week... even if I was a SAHM, but only if I was confident the centre was top notch and they are hard to find, to be quite honest.
I've been a SAHM for 8 years in total. The last 5 consecutive years. Since my older son has attended kindergarten (3yo and 4yo) I really understand how I have suffered from not having any help from extended family... for 2 years I had no break... day in day out no support....except for 1/2 a day "me time" on a Saturday when my Dh would step up and care for all 3 of my kids by himself. This has had a great toll on our relationship, my sanity, the cleanliness of the house, our ability to be organised as a family (the filing never gets done) and my health. If that is what people would want for you (by saying that a SAHM should not have access to even 1 day of CC) then expect society to crumble. Being a full time SAHM is the hardest job in the world don't question it.... harder than running a class of 25 3yos!!! (which i often did with just the help of an agency staff member when the qualified teacher was on sick leave). I often say to my DH "I need to get a paid job so i can have a break" Does this not say something to people???
Try it. Be VERY fussy in looking for the right place. And take your child's lead: if they love it then all is well... if they are miserable then stop it.
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- trust me I'm counting down the days - I'm so over Winter and each day gone is 1 day closer to my due date 
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