Yep me again with childcare issues!
If you are bored of my posts please dont read on - im sorry.
DD has been back in day care 1 day a week - this is week 3
Week 1 - they said she cried the first 2 hours straight and had to be rocked in a pram until lunch time, only slept out of pure exhaustion @ 1pm for 1 hr.
Week 2 - as soon as i left they said she cried and wouldnt stay outside(she loves palying outdoors) and still only slept after 1 hour of rocking for 1.5hrs in the afternoon. When i went to pick her up she was crying non-stop (before she saw i was there).
Week 3 (TODAY) - i said good bye and she starting crying again. I hung around to talk to admin (as i decided that perhaps she isnt ready for care and gave 2 weeks notice to pull her out) - this took me 1/2 hr... i walked back to get my pram and could hear her from inside (she was outside).. screaming in tears ma ma ma ma.
I burst into tear and left before they saw me cause i am so embarressed i am not handling it like every other mum seems to,
What the hell am i doing? Am i paying someone $60 a day so that i can make my daughter cry non -stop and think that i dont love her? She isnt enjoying it from what i can tell (i mean sure she probably has moment of new discoveries and fun) but its so hard to watch her cry.
Especially when i am at home and could have her here with me.
I put her in cause i thought it was the right thing to do to get her socialised with children her own age but she cries when one comes near her and has started hitting my friends children (and she had to learn this somewhere).
I am only letting her have a half day today as she is comoing down with a cold and i need her to have a decent sleep - so i am getting her in about 3 hrs.
Oh Hun, so sorry to hear you and DD are having a rough time with care...
My son cried for the 1st few weeks as i did also... its normal for them to be upset but my son wasnt crying all day long... Maybe you need to tal;k to her and let her know you'll be back to pick her up, maybe start by only leaving her for 1/2 day until she starts to get used to it???
Maybe stay there with her for few times so she thinks its a safe place to be ??/
i have been staying with her there for at least 30-45minutes in the morning and showing her around and the toys and outdoor eqiupment. But they still tell me she cries for hours
I'm a SAHM and DS has never been to daycare (he will be 2 this month). A couple of months ago we participated in a speech development programme which involved the parents being in one room and the kids being looked after by childcare workers in another room for about an hour/hour and a half. This was once a week for 6 weeks.
The first 2 or 3 weeks my DS was fine, took to it like a duck to water, but a couple of the kids of SAHMs were absolutely hysterical and cried and called out for their mums nearly the entire time.
By Week 4 however, my DS would burst into tears as soon as we pulled up in the carpark and was so hysterical when I tried to leave him that I had to bring him into the session with me and he clung to me like a little koala for the whole session. The next couple of days at home he would completely freak out if he couldn't see me.
I gave up trying to leave him with the carers and just brought him into the sessions with me...but interestingly enough the kids who had been hysterical initially were absolutely fine with being left by the end of the programme.
The carers said that there are 2 common reactions - my DS' reaction which was initially "oh wow this is all fun and different" and then they cop on to what's going on. And the more common reaction of the other kids...initially very upset but then get to grips with what's going on.
Just some food for thought...it may be worth perservering a tiny bit longer just to see if she improves to see if she fits into that second group. I totally understand your concerns...I tried to put DS into daycare to return to work and I was crying all the time and in the end couldn't do it. I am worried about how he will go with 3 year old kinder because Mummy is his best friend in the entire world, but I figure that's a whole year away yet so trying not to think about it.
thanks Jodi - i have given notice and she will stop in 2 weeks. I have paid up till this date anyhow, And i guess i keep thinking - i am not working and so this is extra money we are getting together to send her someone she doesnt want to be if that makes sense.
I wonder if i can convince DH to spend the money on a cleaner for me instead 1 day a week? lol
Curly - i am not sure if it is a normal thing, but DD was always so outgoing was the first to go to a group of children she doesnt know and share toys or play etc and the past 3 weeks since she started all i child has to do it be 10cm away from her and she cries. I am not sure what is going on.
Thanks Pixie! - congrats on bub btw! i must have missed the announcement. thats the other thing.. is it just hormones! but surely not! lol. - you wil lhave to ask bear to send me a comfort recipe for some yummy cookies so cheer me up! lol
I agree PP, I don't think she's ready and I'd be pulling her out too - I think you've done the right thing.
She's still very young, my DD didn't start any type of care till she was 3 and she took to it like a duck to water, not a single tear from day one. I was very lucky but I think she was also very ready!
If you are interested in her socialising with other children a bit more, I'd suggest play group. We did this for about 12 months before DD started preschool. She loved it, I was there with her so it wasn't stressful for either of us, she got to play with other kids and it got us both out of the house.
Oh PP it does sound like torture. Maybe she's just not ready yet.
There's nothing wrong with that, and while it's hard because you're pregnant with #2, it can't be as hard as knowing she is there crying for you.
Maybe you are right & she's just not ready.
Do you leave her at all out side of DC?
Most children will have this sort of reaction. (Mine have been good so far!)
It is because when you are leaving they think you are leaving & not coming back.
Thats why most centres encourage you to say good bye & that you'll be back instead of sneaking out. After a few weeks the child will usually realise that you WILL be back.
Maybe you could just leave her for about an hour at a time to start with til she calms down a bit, then gradually leave her longer.
An hour is only a short time til she see's you again & she hopefully won't get so distressed & worked up in that time.
Just make sure you reassure her every time that you will be back soon.
Maybe you could even leave something of yours with her, so she knows you'll be back for it? A bangle, or a hair clip or something small?
I put DD1 into DC the first time at 16 months for a few hours at a time & she was fine initially. After 2 - 3 weeks she started to get upset, but was fine with in an hour or so.
After a few more weeks she was fine.
DD2 didn't start till she was 3. & she's been fine. The second she walks in the door I'm forgotten about & its been like that from day one!
If its too much for you, don't push it. But just the hour at a time for a while might be what she needs.
I think if your main reason for putting her in there was to socialise with other babies/children then don't worry about it. I don't think they need socialisation at this age. I take my baby to Mothers Group and they're not interested in playing together. Sure they play with the toys and crawl around and explore but they don't play together. So I think socialisation can definitely wait till they're a bit older. My DD gets only small amounts of time with other babies and it's not done her any harm at all. She's a very friendly baby. If we go on the train, she will wave and laugh at some random person and more often than not she will carry on like a pork chop until she gets to sit on a stranger's knee. So the lack of contact with other babies is certainly not harming her social skills!
On the other hand, I DO think it's important for us mums to have a break when we need it. If you feel you do need a break, that's completely understandable but maybe there's other ways you could do this. For instance, on Sunday I got DP to take DD out for three hours. I got the house to myself and got the chance to do all the things I needed to do. Is there anyone who could mind DD during the week, any friends or family? Or could you hire a regular babysitter who comes into your home or takes DD for a walk?
It sounds like a very stressful situation and I really feel for you. I hope you can come up with a solution that suits both you and DD. It's not easy working out the right thing to do, that's for sure.
It sounds like she isn't ready. I was going to suggest you hanging around for 30-60 minutes then leaving, but you've already tried that. It's hard for the little ones when they're only going 1 day a week as it takes a long time for them to adjust.
If she was crying only when you initially left, then I would suggest you giving it a few weeks to see how things go, but if she's crying all, or most of the day, then I would pull her out.
Big hugs PP. That is really hard. But don't feel bad for crying. Believe me, we all do it - nothing to be embarrassed there.
The thing is that she's at the age where change is really hard. And if I remember, it's just one day a week, and they usually take longer to settle in one day a week (it's such a long time between day care days at that age). So you would expect it to take her a while to settle. It might be that day care won't ever suit her, but it's more likely that she will get used to it - it's just a matter of how long it takes.
You have some choices and you probably need to weigh up all the pros and cons. Can you cope until she settles in? Will you feel better once she has? What are benefits of persisting? How will you cope with no "DD1" free days when baby is born if you pull her out? How will she cope with you needing to give DS time if she doesn't have a day to herself? There are so many things to consider. One option might be to increase her to 2 days a week in the short term to see if she settles more quickly. Otherwise you need to look into your heart and decide, bearing in mind that things will change when the baby arrives.
GL hun, it is not an easy one. And I dare say pg hormones don't help at all either.
A good suggestion MR bought up was putting her in CC 2 days a week? Nina intially used to go to daycare 3 days a week while I worked, and when I finished work when pg, I dropped her down to 1 day week. When Emily arrived, I found I needed that 2nd day to get things in order. So she's now back to 2 days a week, and that's how she'll be staying.
Thanks mantaray :hugs:
I have thought over the 2 days a week but it is hard enough to afford 1 day a week atm now that i am not working.
All the reasons you listed were reasons for me doing so - a day for myself, a day for herself without bub#2 around etc. It just feels wrong though - you know when you dont get that feeling.
i am looking in to playground australia and perhaps getting her to a playgroup (at the moment we have mothers group 1 day a week) but i like the idea of organised play and doing this 1 days a week with her. It will be easier when #2 is a baby and not moving around as i can keep #2 in a sling or carrier and have DD play with other children this way perhaps until she is a little oldeR?
This probably has come up before, but have you considered Family Daycare instead? She may be more suited to it. Also you might be able to do 2 half days, which might be easier on her.
I remember it taking a while for DD1 to get used to care and I was just using occasional care at about 9 months so I could go to appointments. What helped was having her babysat by a friend who I visited a lot, so she was used to the person and the place. She still got upset, but it helped to ease her into time away from me. Once she got better at that she was able to do a short day (9-3.30) at childcare when she turned 1. Also by that time DH had been having her by himself for 3-4 hours, even with him she still missed me. Now at 3 she asks to go to childcare, but that could be due to me being a bit of a grumpy bum at the moment
You poor thing. Sounds like she needs her mummy. I think you did the right thing deciding to take her out. Don't worry I wouldn't have handled it either.
Oh hun i just posted a similar thread - i know how you feel you feel like a monster leaving them there when they just want you.. its really hard isnt it
our little ones are pretty much the same age Lee is 15 month on the 7th Sept - and this is his week 3 too.. and they said the same thing to me aswell that he needs to go more than once a week to settle in..
Mine was good the 1st 2 weeks its just this week he lost it.
thanks girls for everything!
When i picked her up yesterday all the other kids were down for their sleep (they go down at 1130) and DD was running around by herself while they were asleep as she doesnt go down until 1 or 2pm lol. ANd i tol dthem not to bother forcing her as it would only end in more stress for her being forced to sleep when she isnt tired,
I told them i am taking her out and they were all upset as they said she did much better this week and joined in the activities after her morning cry. I didnt give specifics - just told them it isnt thecentres fault just personal issues the DH and I need to sort out.
She will go for another 2 weeks(im paid up) then i am going to be a full time SAHM. (well i guess since i stopped work i am anyhow)
Going to call a few playgroups today and perhaps join those for one off a week meets.
Is it just a form of Emotional Torture?
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it does sound like torture. Maybe she's just not ready yet.
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