Is it just a form of Emotional Torture?

[MantaRay]

Big hugs PP. That is really hard. But don't feel bad for crying. Believe me, we all do it - nothing to be embarrassed there.

The thing is that she's at the age where change is really hard. And if I remember, it's just one day a week, and they usually take longer to settle in one day a week (it's such a long time between day care days at that age). So you would expect it to take her a while to settle. It might be that day care won't ever suit her, but it's more likely that she will get used to it - it's just a matter of how long it takes.

You have some choices and you probably need to weigh up all the pros and cons. Can you cope until she settles in? Will you feel better once she has? What are benefits of persisting? How will you cope with no "DD1" free days when baby is born if you pull her out? How will she cope with you needing to give DS time if she doesn't have a day to herself? There are so many things to consider. One option might be to increase her to 2 days a week in the short term to see if she settles more quickly. Otherwise you need to look into your heart and decide, bearing in mind that things will change when the baby arrives.

GL hun, it is not an easy one. And I dare say pg hormones don't help at all either.

[Visitor7]

A good suggestion MR bought up was putting her in CC 2 days a week? Nina intially used to go to daycare 3 days a week while I worked, and when I finished work when pg, I dropped her down to 1 day week. When Emily arrived, I found I needed that 2nd day to get things in order. So she's now back to 2 days a week, and that's how she'll be staying.

[PinkPalace]

Thanks mantaray :hugs:
I have thought over the 2 days a week but it is hard enough to afford 1 day a week atm now that i am not working.

All the reasons you listed were reasons for me doing so - a day for myself, a day for herself without bub#2 around etc. It just feels wrong though - you know when you dont get that feeling.

i am looking in to playground australia and perhaps getting her to a playgroup (at the moment we have mothers group 1 day a week) but i like the idea of organised play and doing this 1 days a week with her. It will be easier when #2 is a baby and not moving around as i can keep #2 in a sling or carrier and have DD play with other children this way perhaps until she is a little oldeR?

[Astrid]

This probably has come up before, but have you considered Family Daycare instead? She may be more suited to it. Also you might be able to do 2 half days, which might be easier on her.

I remember it taking a while for DD1 to get used to care and I was just using occasional care at about 9 months so I could go to appointments. What helped was having her babysat by a friend who I visited a lot, so she was used to the person and the place. She still got upset, but it helped to ease her into time away from me. Once she got better at that she was able to do a short day (9-3.30) at childcare when she turned 1. Also by that time DH had been having her by himself for 3-4 hours, even with him she still missed me. Now at 3 she asks to go to childcare, but that could be due to me being a bit of a grumpy bum at the moment

[PinkPalace]

Astrid - yes i have looked in to family day care., There is on in my area but i am a little miffed that they will not let me meet the carer unless i pay a joining fee up front.

I dont really leave her anywhere. DH had her 2 days a week when i worked (weekends) and she was never fussed or cried.

It really isnt a matter of needing a babysitter though

[aussienic]

PP: I trialed my DS2 in day care later last year as he starts school next year but it didn't go so well and was 4 at the time.. I was also pregnant and I stood out the fron bawling while Dh took him in. I don't cope well with separation... so don't feel bad about crying.. I also saw a mum who looked as though she was on her way to work. She came out the car sat down and bawled.. So I think we all do it.. or at least most of us

If it is just for the socail side of things I would try playgroup.. I personally don't like playgroup. I just feel like I don't belong but I know they are a great place to have fun...

[Jennifer13]

PP you may find that in a few months she is ready and you can try again. It's a big change for her and she still needs you. She is probably more aware of the baby coming than she lets on and is clinging to you for extra security.

Have you tried an occasional care centre? I wouldn't try it until she's a bit more over this experience, but your local council should be able to point you in the direction of your closest centre. You pay for the hours you use it, but it isn't a regular 'day' (in fact, it's usually just a few hours) and it might give you the break you need without her needing to last all day without you. You ring them a day or so beforehand and let them know you'd like to come, so if she isn't well you don't have to forfeit a day you've already paid for either.

[PinkPalace]

i did a lot of research into all the care centre in my area and none of them do occasional care.

[CathieW]

Hey Pink,
I'm not a fan of family day care.Try mother's groups or playgroup, until she is ready to go.

Cathie

[thepixie]

Thanks PP!

I wonder if i can convince DH to spend the money on a cleaner for me instead 1 day a week? lol

Actually I think this is a great idea - with the new baby on the way something has to give and for now its not going to be CC for your DD.

Do you like anzac cookies (I am hooked on them!) if so I will PM you a recipe... can't take the credit though its one of my baby buddies' recipes

[luna moth]

I've found that children who attend one day a week generally need up to 6 weeks to settle in. Children who come three days a week need up to 2 weeks to settle. The difference is not the number of days, it's that they need 5 or 6 goes to realise that it's OK. I estimate that about 1 in 20 children need longer than this.
I know you can't change things now that you did, but her first day in care, especially if you're at home, should have been really short (like 3 hours, or even 2 if you knew she'd been crying, and I'd have called you if she cried for more than 1 hour) It's something to think about next time you give it a go - the more gradual entry is always a winner. Yeah, you're not getting "value for money" (At $70 per day that works out at $30/hr!) but in the long run, it is more worthwhile.
It is absolutely OK to cry; I know loads of mums who have done it, although very few do it where we can see! When I do see it though, it reminds me of how important my job is and makes me want to pour a little more love into all the children!
As for your other options, you could get an awesome cleaner for less than a day at childcare, so I say go for it! You can convince your DH!
Alternatively, get some "home help" in after you have number 2, see if they can clean while you leave the baby at home, and you go out and have some special time with your DD. That way, your house gets cleaned, and you get a bit of time off. There are loads of nannies out there who do afterschool work that would love a few hours before 2:30.
I hope it all works out for you!

[lila]

Maybe after you pulled her out you cna find a NICE casual care centre, where you can leave her 1 hour or 4, depending on her and you.
That might be the right "settling"into separation thing. It certainly helped with my little one, he took ages but now, I can leave him "everywhere" and he is fine....

Good luck to you PP

[krysalyss]

I am sure everyone has given good advice. I would do one of two things:
1. Take a big step backwards with daycare. Take her there and spend time there with you there for as long as you can (I did half a day) then you both go home again. Do this a few times before you take her there by herself. Allow her to spend one on one time with the carers. Spend a few minutes at a time out of the room and come back in. She has to start making a connection of you coming back.
2. Pull her from childcare and take her to playgroups instead. That way you can show her how to socialise the way you think is appropriate and she doesnt feel that she will leave.

I hope this helps. I personally dont think it is a matter of her just having to get used to it. You can do it slowly if you really believe that she will get a benefit out of being there. I think she can get a benefit out of childcare but she has to first have a really strong relationship with her carer.
Big hugs!