Getting to sleep at night

[sasha]

So this is S' general routine. (Bear in mind we're still working it out together as this is only my second week back at home after 2.5 months of working fulltime and him being in daycare during the week)

Up at 5 (when we get up)

6:45-8:45 Sleep

10:30/11 -12/1 Sleep

Then DH comes home and that's where I think the problem lies

If we have the car then we go and pick him up, and so S usually is up from about 1/1:30 and then I think he gets excited to see Daddy, and we get home, they play, and then he doesn't sleep again... until about 8! He may have a little nap if I take him out in the pram, but when he would have normally gone to bed (around 6:30/7), I put him in his cot and he will not sleep. At any other time he's fine in his cot, I just put him in and off he goes to sleep. But in the evening, nothing seems to work, not rocking, or lullabies, or cuddles, or stroking, or rubbing his feet (all usually very calming things for him). Nor does it help to leave him to self-settle, as the grizzle quickly turns to a wail and I don't do CC! I get a bit stressed out by this, because I'm usually tired at this stage as well, and also I want to get on with dinner!

So I bring him downstairs, and put him in the bouncer while I cook tea, and after a while of him just looking around with the occasional whinge... he goes to sleep. We eat dinner, (he's still asleep) and then I take him upstairs, put him to bed and he's fine for the rest of the night. I might get a squawk during the night, but I just rewrap him and he goes back to sleep.

I wonder if he's just not happy about being left alone when he knows everyone else is up having fun?!! He's always spent a lot of time around us - he didn't start sleeping in his cot during the day until about 3.5 months. He would just sleep wrapped up on his playmat.

Have I created a monster? I know it's not "normal", but really, I don't actually mind that he doesn't want to go to sleep by himself - it's no problem to have him downstairs and if he needs comfort or anything he's right nearby so I can see to him rather than going up and down the stairs while I'm trying to cook! But soon he will start sitting up so I can't really put him to sleep in the bouncer anymore. And I guess I feel some sort of weird social pressure to have him go to bed and sleep by himself until we get to bed... and also perhaps that I'm letting him manipulate me OK, I know that sounds silly! But any thoughts would be great, even if you want to tell me I'm overindulgent and he's spoilt.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I don't see a problem - maybe he can have a travel cot for downstairs in the evening? Personally I'd be trying to move the first nap to earlier and have him go back to sleep at 5 until 7, but that's me and if you're ok with getting up at 5 then don't worry.

[krysalyss]

Sasha - Hmmm. I can't really see much of a problem either.
Firstly - banish any thoughts of spoiling or manipulation. (bubs just aren't psychologically developed for these kinds of concepts. They just cry and fuss because they get lonely and want their mummy).
And really don't worry about social pressure - it just complicates things! The only real issue you seem to have coming up is the fact that it will be hard for him to fall asleep in the bouncer as he gets bigger. Ryn's idea of using a portacot for there is a great one.
Otherwise perhaps you could implement a bit of a bedtime routine if you havent already. It works a treat with my DS because he goes from play mode to sleepy mode in 15 mins. We do a nappy change and into pjs. Say goodbye to all of the rooms, pets and people, Bedtime story (without books - just me telling a story). Then a lullaby (either me or the lullaby projector). He then goes to sleep really well. Perhaps that would work for you? You could even try starting it and then putting him in the bouncer where he currently goes to sleep at this time then once he seems to have the sleep associations going with the bedtime routine, you can try the cot. Just some suggestions.
Good luck!
(I hope this makes sense. It is late and I am still working so am a bit braindead!)

[sasha]

Thanks for the help - I've tried a little routine, but perhaps I need to make it a bit longer so he really understands that it's proper bedtime. Thanks also for the reassurance; I know in my heart of hearts that it's fine if he needs to go to sleep down with us, who says you always have to sleep in your bed? Sometimes I like to nap downstairs as well, so why shouldn't he? I've been playing with the idea of getting a portacot and I think it may be the way to go. I'll just have to watch the cats but I have to do that in the big cot as well, and if he's down here it's easier to do that anyway.


The 5 am start is not really by choice - that's when DH gets up to go to work and if I'm driving him I have to get up then, and if I'm not I usually get up anyway. So it's good for us that S wakes then too. He probably doesn't have a choice, when he can talk he'll be saying "Geez, will you turn off that clock radio, don't you know it's only 5 am!!" Although hopefully by that age he might also have his own room...