I have to get this out... i feel terrible. I bawled my eyes out over it and I just need some reassurance that its ok...

I let her cry. I couldn't handle it, I'd tried everything. I got so frustrated with her, almost angry... She is just REFUSING to sleep today. I know she's teething. But i tried gel and panadol, but nope, no sleep. I've tried feeding to sleep, to the point where if I feed her any more milk will come out of her EARS. I've tried rocking, patting, shhhhhhhhhhhing, singing, dancing, distracting, the sling, walking around the house in the pram (its wet and i don't have a rain cover for the pram), i've even laid down with her but she's just not sleeping. So i got her up, put her on the ground - CRY - put her in the rocker - CRY - held her - CRY -

Theres just no consoling her today.

I just couldn't do it. The last straw was when I thought she'd settled down, I got up to make lunch. It's open plan and basically the kitchen is in the lounge room (or vice versa ) so she could still SEE me. but because I wasn't sitting RIGHT NEXT TO HER she SCREAMED. She screamed while I made my lunch, which was TOAST as it was the quickest thing I could think of with frozen bread. And then screamed while I was eating, and then when I picked her up afterwards and tried to put her to bed she jsut cried and cried and I couldn't do it. I could feel the frustration, I just wanted to throw myself on the ground and have a cry myself.

So I left her there. And went out into the lounge room for a cry. And she cried, and she cried, and I just felt like the worst mother in the world firstly for not being able to settle her, and then for getting frustrated, and then for leaving her to cry

She stopped crying, she just laid in her cot. Probably thinking I didnt love her and that I had abandoned her, and all I could think at the time was "good, at least she's stopped crying".

*sigh* She still hasn't slept since she woke up after a 40 minutes nap at 6.30am this morning

Yes, a nap. because she woke up at 4.30am. I've been up since then. And I'd be asleep right now if she wasn't friggen crying. Still crying...

42 minutes until Shel gets home and counting...