thread: I feel terrible...

  1. #1
    2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    May 2007

    Unhappy I feel terrible...

    I have to get this out... i feel terrible. I bawled my eyes out over it and I just need some reassurance that its ok...

    I let her cry. I couldn't handle it, I'd tried everything. I got so frustrated with her, almost angry... She is just REFUSING to sleep today. I know she's teething. But i tried gel and panadol, but nope, no sleep. I've tried feeding to sleep, to the point where if I feed her any more milk will come out of her EARS. I've tried rocking, patting, shhhhhhhhhhhing, singing, dancing, distracting, the sling, walking around the house in the pram (its wet and i don't have a rain cover for the pram), i've even laid down with her but she's just not sleeping. So i got her up, put her on the ground - CRY - put her in the rocker - CRY - held her - CRY -

    Theres just no consoling her today.

    I just couldn't do it. The last straw was when I thought she'd settled down, I got up to make lunch. It's open plan and basically the kitchen is in the lounge room (or vice versa ) so she could still SEE me. but because I wasn't sitting RIGHT NEXT TO HER she SCREAMED. She screamed while I made my lunch, which was TOAST as it was the quickest thing I could think of with frozen bread. And then screamed while I was eating, and then when I picked her up afterwards and tried to put her to bed she jsut cried and cried and I couldn't do it. I could feel the frustration, I just wanted to throw myself on the ground and have a cry myself.

    So I left her there. And went out into the lounge room for a cry. And she cried, and she cried, and I just felt like the worst mother in the world firstly for not being able to settle her, and then for getting frustrated, and then for leaving her to cry

    She stopped crying, she just laid in her cot. Probably thinking I didnt love her and that I had abandoned her, and all I could think at the time was "good, at least she's stopped crying".

    *sigh* She still hasn't slept since she woke up after a 40 minutes nap at 6.30am this morning

    Yes, a nap. because she woke up at 4.30am. I've been up since then. And I'd be asleep right now if she wasn't friggen crying. Still crying...

    42 minutes until Shel gets home and counting...

  2. #2
    rhyb Guest

    Babe your not a bad mum you did the right thing. When you're stressed and Jazz is crying like that a time out might be just what you both need before you try again. 5 minutes wont hurt her while you get yourself together again and she definately wont think you dont love her or have abandoned her.
    Give yourself a pat on the back mummy you've been up since 4.30am and you need to cut yourself some slack. Sending lots of hugs your way

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Nov 2008
    Cairns FNQ

    Grrrr I typed a reply and BB ate it.

    Huge Hugs to you hun, you are doing a good job and some days all you can do is lie down and cry too. Goodness knows I have done it often enough!! I think partners forget that they come home and somedays we havent even had a cold drink!!! I know my DH is sweet and does and much as he can but he has no idea how full on a whole day with Bethany can be!! You are doing good, you are a great mummy and it will pass just like all the other bad days.
    Just a suggestion, have you tried Nurofen? Recently with Bethany being sick I found that it worked better for her than panadol. Just an idea!!
    Sending you lots of hugs love and mummy understanding!!!

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Sunny Qld

    Do you have SM33 ? I found that works heaps better than bonjela.

    Or - and this may seem odd coming from me - can you put her in the sling and just vacuum the floors? Even if they don't need it? (yes odd coming from me cos I hate cleaning) She might get some comfort from the closeness, the movement AND the noise all together. I'd suggest going out in the pram for a walk but its peeing down here, so I'm guessing it is down there too.

    I'm not the best to ask for advice though - I don't try to get Miss M to sleep - if it ain't workin then I just keep her up until she passes out from pure exhaustion with the next feed. Which probably isn't what you are supposed to do.

  5. #5
    2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    May 2007

    Oh, and one more thing... if Shel gets the ****s with me for not doing anything today I think I.Am.Going.To.Snap.

    Thanks guys. Sometimes all I want is someone to acknowledge that its not easy, and being a mum is WORK.

    Mel, thats a prety good suggestion. I don't think I can move right now though... I'm hoping she exhausts herself soon. She's exhausted me!

    Amy, I have a family history (includig myself) of reactions to neurofen (stomach bleeding, and not just on an empty stomach) so I'm a bit hesitant of using anything with neurofen. And no aspirin for babies. So just panadol at thise stage. Which is pretty useless really for some reason. But its all I have
    Last edited by Indadhanu; March 11th, 2009 at 03:57 PM.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Dec 2006
    Out of my mind. Back in five minutes...

    Hun we have all been there. And you did the best thing you could in the situation you had. I am sure jazzy will forgive you, and you need to forgive yourself.

    I was going to suggest nurofen too. It might work better for the teething pain. Did you try ice in a mesh bag, or a frozen wet facewasher for her to suck. I hope shel take care of you and jazz and dinner tonight. And that you get to have a break. Even if it is still raining, maybe you need to just get out for a walk, even though you exhausted, cause at least that way you would get a few minutes alone to breathe (oh and leave the mobile at home *accidentally* too).

    Hang in there. CJ cut 4 teeth in a two day period, so I know how hard it can be... xoxo

    Snap = sorry didnt see your post on nurofen... bummmmmmmer...

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Nov 2008
    Cairns FNQ

    Bummer bout the nurofen, I know that with Bethany we have found rotating them has worked...
    If Shel gets poopie about not having done anything you can come and vent to us!!! We all know what it is like. I am racking my brains for some suggestions to actually help....one thing I tried in Bethany's room last night (she has been sleeping poorly since home from hospital last week) was some lavander oil. Just on a face washer in the far corner, so not stinking the place out! But it seemed to relax her as she dropped off a bit faster than previous nights where we have practically had to rock her. Maybe give that a go? Have you tried the good old bath or shower? They work for us but some babies hate em. mmmm out of ideas for now will have to go away and think.....

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Oct 2006
    Adelaide, SA

    Aww sweet, as the others have said, you did the right thing!
    The best thing to do in those situations is put bub somewhere safe and leave the room for a few minutes, calm yourself down and try again.
    I have so been there, many times and once I even yelled at DS to just shut up... that's when I knew that I had to walk away from the situation for a couple of minutes, and boy did I feel like the worst mother in the world, this poor little bubba that obviously isn't happy about something and I yell at him? But a couple of minutes just sitting on your own will do the world of good for you and Jazz, so please don't feel bad!!

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Jan 2008

    naughtly little jazz and she looks so cute. you're not bad. i can remember feeling your exact frustration at my first child and actually my dh wheeled him to the other end of the house and shut him in a room because i had had no sleep and we were both grumpy. i felt so bad, i thought i was a bad mum. but the thing is you're not super woman, now say it with me " i am not super woman". we all think we just have to cope with this but sometimes, when you've tried it all and failed you just need to put on some earphones and let them cry for a little while.

    you're doing all the right things. keep up the good work. and good luck

  10. #10
    Platinum Member. Love a friend xxx

    Jan 2008
    hoppers crossing

    you are not a bad mum by any measure. you did the right thing, sometimes u just have to have tough love. i cant count how many times ive cried cause ashy wouldn't settle.

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Jul 2006

    Awww Leash hun . There are times when what is best is to do just what you did. I've done it before too.... I even yelled at Oskar cos I was so tired and frustrated and he wouldn't go to sleep. That was when I just walked out and cried then went back in, picked him up and told him I was sorry. I was calmer though as I'd let it out a bit myself. Hope you feel a bit better.

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Oct 2003
    Forestville NSW

    hun, I've done it. I've put DD1 in her cot and went and stood outside.... waited 5 minutes and went back. I felt horrible afterwards, but I needed to walk away to stay sane and not throw her.

    ETA: with DD2 I found having a bath or shower together helped everything. With DD1 if it was raining I put a rope in the loungeroom and pushed the pram in circles going over it with loud music on headphones...

  13. #13
    Registered User

    Jun 2008
    in the eye of a toddler tornado

    Leash, we've all been there....
    sometimes you've done everything you can and you're at the end of your rope, the best thing you can do is walk away and take a breather. We've all done it and I'm sure we'll all have to do it again. at least you know we all understand!

  14. #14
    Registered User

    Mar 2007
    on cloud 9.....

    Aaawww Leasha, she won't even remeber it. You are a good mum, don't ever doubt yourself. If it's any consolation, I swore at Bella today cause she just wouldn't settle . Hope Shell is giving you a break so you can take a shower and have a quick nap to recharge the batteries.

  15. #15
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber & MPM

    Feb 2007

    We've all had to do that at times, babies can be HARD work. When you have moments like that, think of this analogy: If you are on an aeroplane that is in danger and the oxygen masks drop, you should always put your own mask on first so that you are then able to help your child.

    I think of this analogy a lot as a mother. Sometimes we need to put ourselves first for a while (even if it is for 5 minutes to eat toast for lunch ) so that we can be fit to take care of our children. It may feel selfish to put your own oxygen mask on first, but it is actually best for both of you if you do.

    I hope that kind of makes sense! You need to look after you so that you can look after Jazz. If that means you put her in her cot while you have some time-out for your own sake, then do it.

    You are doing a great job, please don't feel guilty, it was something that you needed to do and Jazz still thinks you are the best mum in the world .

  16. #16
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Feb 2006

    huge hun, like others have said we've all been there before, please remember your a fantastic mummy!

  17. #17
    Registered User

    Dec 2006

    hugs, please dont feel like a bad mummy... we've all done it!

    I like the analogy Trish gave, remember that one! I am going to keep it in the back of my mind for our next bad day!

  18. #18
    Registered User
    Add ~clover~ on Facebook

    Sep 2007

    Hunny I've been there a few times with DS.
    Could you put her in the sling & go for a walk with a brolly?
    I know its wet & sloppy out there (is here too) but being outside might distract her enough to doze of while she's close to you.
    I had a similar prob a few days ago & the only way I got Jesse to have two 10 minute naps was to walk with the sling & just sit as still as possible til he woke up. As I said...10 minutes.

    I hope something works soon.