Oh Sacha, you have your hands full there. Your DD sounds similar to Tom, but he will self-settle very quickly. It's odd though, I think most babies like to be picked up when upset - usually Tom doesn't, in fact mostly it makes him scream more. All he want is something fabric to put against his cheek and his thumb in his mouth. I think this might be the key with your DD too - finding whatever it is that will help her to self-settle. The difficultly is finding what that thing is.

If she is like Tom, holding in your arms might not work, as I said, this usually makes him worse. But it is probably worth a try, as nothing else is working right now for you. Best of luck, I hope something works soon. I'll keep thinking about it for you, let me know how you are going.