It sounds like you are really struggling. I haven't been in such a difficult situation myself, but thought I would offer some support.

Whenever I have made changes it has taken me a long time to work up to it, but I think half the battle is making up your mind and sticking with it. My DD usually doesn't take long to adjust to changes, but consistency is the key.

Sounds like a great idea to tackle things when you both have some time. I was just thinking, is there anyone who could support you and look after the kids while you make these changes. Especially during the day if it has been a long night?

Good luck!