who doesn't like to use controlled crying?

[Ozziehoffy]

That's awesome!

I've never been a fan of controlled crying either. I think that comforting "breeds" a calmer child (mostly) and a child who understands that you are there when they need you to be. I also think that they learn empathy and caring from it. That's just my opinion though. I can't remember when Oskar first self settled, he just all of a sudden did it one night and I couldn't believe it. Most nights now he'll go down and have a chat or a little whinge to himself then goes to sleep... although there are nights where he will start to cry, I go to him straight away if he cries and we start again with a bf (sometimes just a cuddle works) then a bit of a pat and then I put him down and he rolls over and goes to sleep. It's certainly a lot less stressful to both bub and parent and makes bedtime a lot more pleasant for all involved.

[~Belinda~]

Update: Had good night sleep last night, my DD woke up about 3 times but just whinged for 30 seconds and then put herself back to sleep. She is still sleeping in her cot through the day and seems to be self settling. But those times she does not self settle, I go in, pat her bum, if she cries, I pick her up and stroke her face and give her a kiss on the cheek, she'll start to fall asleep and I pop her back in her cot. Sometimes I may have to do this twice but then she'll stay asleep for a while. The comforting is certainly better than controlled! I am feeling much better about using this method.

[maz]

A) I just cant handle my little guy crying full stop. I would rather he fell asleep in my arms then crying and beinglonely. Although lately I have been waiting and putting him to bed just as he nods of so he knows that I have put him to bed (he opens his eyes and gives me his beautiful smile)

B) I dont like CC.....yes I have tried and I ended up crying about it more and like Kelly said about herself, I too think it doesnt help PND. It made me so stressed out that I would sit in the hallway crying myself.

Raising a child is hard enough without making these sacrifices on them and us. Honestly...who cares if you cuddle your baby to sleep...how long are they a baby for??? the dishes can wait, the dog/cat can eat the scraps on the floor and my god...sox were not just ment for feet, they help sweep the floor

to soon our 'babies' are off to school and we are left sitting in the arm chair wishing we had cuddled them more.

think about what is best for your situation....CC may work for some but not for others. Its a personal choice

[aussienic]

so glad comforting worked better for you

[~Belinda~]

Well said Maz. I hope Mat is going well

[blackbird]

Hang in there eveningstar. My 18 mth old is still learning to settle himself. CC is just not me - thr thought of it makes me feel ill - so I've been using ideas from Pinky, Elizabeth Pantley and the Queen Elizabeth Centre site. My little fella now strokes his cousins' heads when they are crying after just a couple of weeks of me helping to soothe him that way!

You have to go with what feels right in your gut/heart and from what I can gather (and I've done a lot of reading/internet trawling) there is no quick fix and every baby is different and will be different from time to time.

Another great book - The Wonder Weeks - explains periods when everything goes completely haywire due to developmental leaps.

Sleepy thoughts heading to your house....

[maz]

Hon - I just read your post before mine (I missed it) im so gald that it is working for you...and to me your not CC Madeleine...your showing her that she is still safe. Its exactly what we do with Mateauz...its amazing what a little love and tenderness brings to the heart isnt it little steps lead to big things in the end

Mateauz is going great guns...thanks for asking about him..he is such a charmer and I thank the big man upstairs everyday that he is still part of our lives.

[*EJ*]

I definately believe in the 'you have to teach the bub how to sleep', I feel that's what i did with my DS and we rarely have sleep issues. I had my little way of settling him but insisting it was sleep time and it worked for us. I always showed him love and kindness and i believe now bed and sleep is a happy place for him, he doesn't get aprehensive going towards the bedroom.

I have read a few of Pinky McKays books and i went to a sleep settling seminar back when my DS was a couple of months old. It all made a lot of sense to me and i only wish i went before my DS was born so the first few weeks were a bit more settled. All good though we got there and i'm more prepared for 2nd time around now (when that happens).

I'm glad you're having some success, it really does take some time and the sleep deprivation really makes it difficult to have the energy to do what you know needs to be done.

[Ezz]

Update: Had good night sleep last night, my DD woke up about 3 times but just whinged for 30 seconds and then put herself back to sleep. She is still sleeping in her cot through the day and seems to be self settling. But those times she does not self settle, I go in, pat her bum, if she cries, I pick her up and stroke her face and give her a kiss on the cheek, she'll start to fall asleep and I pop her back in her cot. Sometimes I may have to do this twice but then she'll stay asleep for a while. The comforting is certainly better than controlled! I am feeling much better about using this method.

That's great news! I'm so pleased to hear that things are getting better and - most importantly - that you have found a method your are comfortable with

[~Belinda~]

Well ladies, seems that 3 days of it worked but now it's not working! She won't stay in her cot for more than 15 minutes and screams everytime. I settle her several times but she continues to wake. Last night I brought her into bed with us and she woke at 2.00-4.00am and then decided to chat at 4.30am so DP and I got up to feed her. He made a cup of tea and I was so upset as I was so tired feel like I'm failing as a mother, what am I doing wrong? Is this a phase? Will it pass? Sorry to be so negative but things were looking up it seemed...

[MantaRay]

Bindy, this too shall pass. It is a phase. One problem is that trying different things and then stopping them can cause confusion. Consistency can be a big help. Also, it is hard to know what is going on with her atm - at that age teething and getting ready to crawl can be big causes of unsettledness.

Start with a consistent bed time routine and follow it to the letter every time you put her down. Use the same routine for day and night sleeps, but have an extra step or two in the night routine to differentiate it. Then pick the way you are going to try and settle her and stick to it for a couple of weeks at least. See how you go with this. If you have no luck you can reassess then.

GL. Sadly, from now, for the next year or so, you will have lots of teething and milestones to disrupt routines and good sleeping patterns. Sometimes you can just stick with what you are doing and things will settle down in a few days. Other times you need to adjust. You can never tell up front which it is. It's hard, but you will get better at dealing with it. Hang in there hun.

[MrsFabuloso]

Eveningstar,
BIG you are not failing as a mother. You are still learning about your girl, she's only so little and she's still learning about the world and herself. You are doing NOTHING wrong. You are the perfect mummy to your bubba and don't doubt that.
I agree with most of the people here in saying that I think that CC is not for me/us. My DH has been on at me to do it for ages, and I flat out refuse. I did it once and it was a disaster, I won't do it again.
I let her cry once (when she was about 6mths old) for about 5mins, not even that long and she power spewed everywhere. I was in tears, she was inconsolable and to top it off I had vomit everywhere that I had to clean up. It took me an hour to settle her down again after having to give her another bath, then I had to feed her again and get her back into her bed. I couldn't do CC even if she hadn't vomitted everywhere. I was outside the door listening to her scream knowing all she wanted was me and cuddles. It was heartbreaking. And I was sobbing my heart out making everything worse. When I went into her all I could do was apologise to her, saying 'mummy's sorry' over and over again, still crying, making her cry more. It was so traumatic for us both.
There are less traumatic, easier ways to do it. Babies are little for so little time. I would much rather cuddle her to sleep (even though she no longer fits on my lap...LOL!!!) than let her cry. I don't think that's teaching her anything other than mummy/daddy's not going to hug you when you're upset at night. Night time can be scary for little ones, as can being on their own, and trying to learn to control their bodys and doing what it wants them to.
I have had the tears of being so so tired and frustrated, I still do especially being pg and still waking 2-7 (yes 7!!!) times a night to my DD, some nights for hours at a time still. But I still cuddle her and give her a bottle if she wants one, regardless of what anyone else says. Yes I am tired and grumpy some days, but she is happy and lively and perfect and to me at the moment that's all that worries me. Even after a year, I am still learning about her.
Maybe your DD is teething? Even if there are no red gums or anything, the teeth might be moving under her gums. She's at the age where teeth start to move more now. That could explain the sleepless night. But don't let one night deter you. Keep trying and try to be consistent, you will find something that works. And remember you are doing your best, you can't do any more than that.

[Lulu]

Don't worry -what you are doing IS working, you just have to keep it up for a little longer and she will get it. You have got three days of the good stuff, a hiccup here and there is nothing because you may get 4 days running, then a hiccup, then 10 days etc etc.

Sometimes you have to change your own approach about it to save your own sanity. ie - WOO HOO 3 days! OR, my fav when I am poking my eyeballs back in, is to remember the times (in the OLDEN days) when I used to stumble home from the pub at a ridiculous hour and get up for work the next day on 4 hours sleep......I did it then, I can do it AGAIN!
Don't count the hours you haven't slept, but the ones you have....

This too shall pass, it WILL.

Just keep up the same routine, she will welcome it one day.

[~Belinda~]

Manta, hopefully it will pass.
Kellieem, thanks for your support. I'm thinking it's teething for sure.
Carley, my DD dislikes being wrapped but I could try it again as it's been a little while.
Lulu, thanks for the positive outlook, better to look at pros than cons I agree.

My DD is not interested in cot anymore through day but WILL sleep in our bed. I've put a shirt of mine in her cot, tried everything, have persisted and persisted but it's just not happening. She's only waking a couple of times per night which is ok, I seem to be catching up on sleep when she sleeps through the day. It's so hard to know if you are doing the right thing!! Let's hope she'll go back in her cot through the day soon without screaming and screaming. I actually can't settle her in cot by patting etc. I have to physically pick her up, she'll settle within 3 minutes and then I put her in again and she'll wake straight away, it's just a cycle.

[LuluHB]

It took my DD until about 10 months before I could put her into her bed wide awake. I admit to trying CC but other than the fact that it broke my heart, it just simply didn't work. My DD just screamed louder and longer until I couldn't stand it anymore. I cuddled her to sleep at night and put her down sound asleep - if I tried it any other way she screamed. Day sleeps were the same way and sometimes I just left her sleeping on me. Not sure what really changed but it did - I now put my DD down for her sleeps, tell her its time for bed, that Mummy and Daddy love her etc, and she just goes to sleep.

Like MR said, there will unfortunately always be something that comes along that upsets their routines - teething, growth spurts, colds, new babies - but its only a temporary thing. It certainly helped me to cope to know there was light at the end of the tunnel.

As inconvenient as my DD's sleep habits were, it has resulted in the most self assured, happy, secure little girl. Good luck.

[sushee]

Oh God yes Charlie went through that too. The whole "I'll sleep in your arms but don't you dare put me down" stage. And it does test your resolve because after a while all you want to do have her sleep for heaven's sake!

But it's true. It does not last forever, even though I bet it feels like forever right now.

[soon2be]

Controlled crying isn't for us. I've spoken with DP about it and we agree that it's not for us. Oscar is now a little over 6 months and sometimes he will go down when awake. Most of the time he likes a cuddle. And at night he's a bit of a fan of a quick nightcap before bed.

This week his routine has ompletely and utterly gone out the window. It's not surprising though. I'd be upset too if I had four top teeth coming through at once and had a head cold, which is what's happened. The nights when he's woken every 2 hours (three in a row) have been fun and the timing's been perfect as Ive had work to do (I consult).

I think if I'd gone down the CCing path this week then it would have been more horrendous. For the most part the little guy is really easy going and happy and I take that as indication that we've been doing the right thing.

We comfort Oscar when we need to, and when we need to give Oscar a little space we'll do so. As an example, I was shopping today and Oscar started crying. His voice splits into about three tones if he's just tired and needing sleep. That's what was happening. I monitored him in the pram but didn't pick him up. I would have if his cry changed. He was asleep in two minutes.Needless to say I got shot a few daggers by passers by. If I had have picked him up when he needed to be left alone he would have been over-stimulated and would have stayed awake and then become overtired.

You know your child best and will work out what is going to work for you.

[~Belinda~]

Thanks everyone, I have a print out of a new routine and it sounds great, will try that next and just be patient with my DD. It's gentle comforting, not controlled crying strategies. Thanks again for your help and reassurance that everything will be ok