Hey Ryn,

you poor things

My DD was another one who started with teething symptoms at around 12 weeks and didn't get a tooth until 7 and a half MONTHS - all those weeks of drooling, hot little face, clawing at cheeks and screaming and screaming.... *sigh* - it passes, it's all i can tell you, it passes. That's no bloody use at all now is it?!

Your mum sounds like mine. It probably makes me sound like a nasty piece of work but i can see if she had been around for my baby-having i too would have been doing EVERYTHING wrong. Apparently i toilet trained at 9 months - that's right everyone, i could use a toilet around 9 months before bladder and bowel control become physically possible! And i never used a potty (even though i can REMEMBER using a potty and i must have been at least 2), only a toilet. She had a very imaginative and selective memory of our babyhoods. In addition she told me, because i was "moody" during adolescence (when i was coming to terms with sexual abuse and dealing with her having 2 terminal illnesses and having 7 heart attacks and a stroke in 3 years) that i would certainly get post-natal depression - which sounds stupid now but i worried SO much about that when i was PG... She was also the sort of person to play martyr - she would find fault with someone and if they objected go on about how cruel and unfeeling they were. Her nasty comments were "honesty" ours were "cruelty". One COULD NOT win with her. I loved her, she was my mother, but she was in incredibly complex person and all of my achievments (however i felt about them) were really about her. My DD would have been the same, i'm fairly sure of it.

The truth of the matter with Liebling is that in the middle of the night, when his mouth hurts and his oesophagus is burning and he's tired and hurting and desperate to feel better, the only person he wants to tell is you. That's not you being unable to soothe him - you ARE soothing him, you listen, you care, you hold him and love him and let him know he's justified in feeling how he does. You validate his distress and allow him to express it. That is incredibly valuable Ryn. When he is 5, 13, 19, 24, 37, and he needs to be able to tell someone how he's feeling, he'll be able to, because you're teaching him, right from day one, that he is loved, cared about and LISTENED TO. To listen to your child, to let them know by your interest, by you trying, no matter how much difference it SEEMS to make or not make, is such an important thing. He is learning, he already knows, that when everything is bloody terrible he can trust Mummy, Mummy cares.

I know how exhausting it can be, we still have the occasional night where i'm up lugging a big 12kg toddler round in my arms as i sing and she sobs, but i know it's me who helps, me she wants to cry to, me she wants to tell. She doesn't keep her feelings to herself, and that's what i want - her to feel she can talk to me, that her feelings are valid. She's not old enough for real tantrums, but even now, with her limited vocabulary, she tries to talk to me before screaming her head off - tonight she was over-tired, cranky, desperate for bed. I was putting her nappy on after her bath and she started to cry - i couldn't see what was wrong, "what is it sweetheart?" i asked her. "Teeth. Teeth" she wailed - she wanted her toothbrush (she "starts" her teeth then mummy finishes (cleans ) them) so she could brush her teeth and hasten bedtime. Already, at 15 months, she knows if she comes as far as she can towards me with communication, i'll meet her. That is worth 1000 nights walking the rooms (though only in retrospect, NOT at the time lol).

In the meantime YOU need to be able to tell how you feel. Come here, tell DH (it might help, before you tell him, to say "i need to vent - you don't have to "solve" this, please just listen to me moan" - men think any complaint is a demand for a solution), tell anyone who'll listen. Let it out, you're not a bad mother Ryn, you are a BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT mother. Don't let your less-than-brilliant mother tell you different.



Bec

xxx