"You need to control cry"

[lyric]

Honestly, I am so shocked by the number of people who have had CC forcefully recommended to them. My DD does not sleep through the night yet, but no-one has suggested I do CC, everyone knows we co-sleep and she doesn't have a dummy. Not once has anyone I've talked to questioned my parenting decisions.

I think sometimes you need to make people a bit scared of you. Maybe it's one of the good things about being an older mum and having pretty strong opinions about what is and isn't right for us (I'm early childhood trained as well). Obviously there is a difference between a friend or acquaintance gently suggesting something and other people insisting CC is the only way to go, but I can imagine how annoying it must be. At times my MIL has said something that makes it clear she thinks something is a bit strange (extended BF springs to mind) but I just fix her with a gimlet stare and say; "I'll be BF for as long as DD wants to.' End of conversation. She's generally pretty respectful though, and doesn't push the point.

Anyway, stick to your guns. It's really none of anyone elses business, is it.

[Kazbah]

I feel quite lucky with my Pip - he sleeps relatively well, I don't like him to cry. The only person who thinks I should let him cry more is my DF!

Some crying is "ok" in my book - the whingey cry he's doing right at the moment cause he doesn't want to sleep, but has no choice. The cry while I'm getting his bottle ready .. but these are all non-painful cries that don't last longer than a minute at the most, the cries that he will smile at me through. The CC cry he doesn't smile at me though, and that's what breaks my heart.

Some people ask me if he sleeps through the night - I just reply "I don't expect him to, and when he does, I'm pleasantly suprised". And that seems to keep them all happy.

[boomba]

Rosehip I too have felt the pressure to CC! Honsetly i felt like I was doing the wrong thing by cuddling and loving my DS! We try to not let him cry at all by cuddling feeding etc! DH is a baker and leaves for work in the middle of the night and this is when DS would come into bed with me (DH is a very deep sleeper and I was worried he would roll on DS) Ds slept so well in the bed with me, and I loved the closness we had! People have told me that he wont sleep through, or sleep in his cot cause I have had him in the bed, but as of sunday he is now only waking for 1 feed and sleeping till 5:30-6am and sleeping in his cot!! He very rareley cries! So being a mum and tending to DS needs has paid off for us! I am so proud that I have stuck to my own beliefs and persivered!

Have any of you read Sheila Kitzinger Understanding your crying baby? This book helped me alot and its interesting to read about the CC! It nearly made me sick! The man (yes a man who would have no motherly instinct) invented CC says "A mother should not weaken if the baby cries so much it vomits" OMG why would you let a little baby get so distraught! And believe it does no damage!

This is not supposed to sound like Im saying anyone who uses this technique is a bad mother its just my opinion! I know some girls who use it and they swear by it, but its definately not for me!
Rosehip I too belive it cause long term harm to our bubs!

[Starfish]

"A mother should not weaken if the baby cries so much it vomits" OMG !

OMG, there is something out there that has been published that actually says this?? That's so awful!

I find it is most often people who don't have any children that come up with suggestions like CC (well, that seems to be my experience anyway). To deal with it, I just avoid the topic. If someone asks if DD sleeps through the night, I answer "yes" (that's actually true now, but it took several months to get there). I find the best solution if someone whose opinion you don't want asks you about your parenting decisions is to just say something vague and change the topic. Ask the friend/relative/acquaintance, etc something about themselves, act interested in what they have to say, and they will soon forget they were asking about your bub in the first place.

[Bathsheba]

I agree, changing the topic of conversation is a good strategy. However if the person asking if my baby sleeps through the night is another mum of a baby I would be honest and say "a few times a week" instead of "yes". I think there is a bit of an unspoken thing going on sometimes where women pretend that their babies are perfect and say things like they sleep through every night out of competitiveness.... all this does is make mums feel bad and compare their own restless babies unfavourably. I think if everyone was more honest then it would become apparent that it is not the norm for babies to sleep through at all! This is why I tend to say "I don't expect my baby to sleep through anyhow, so if he does then it's a bonus!". I think mums need to have realistic expectations of what babies are like.... then the pressure will ease a lot!

[Michelle71]

I agree Bath. It is horrible when you are having a bad day (week, month etc ) with minimal sleep to be asked the question and given advice about your child's sleeping. What makes it worse is when you feel like you are the only person in your mother's group whose baby is not sleeping through. The reality is most are sleeping for a longer stretch than mine (not hard when he feeds every 2 hours still) but nearly all are waking at least once a night and often more depending on growth and development. To hear that others are also waking at night reassures me that all is well in my world and my child is not the anomaly.

[Nadine216]

I had to fight DH to not CC He would say to me, just let her cry a little. I did that once - I put her in her cot (crying, no she was yelling) and came and sit down with DH infront of the TV, stole the remote and put the TV on mute. After about 30 seconds of him having to hear her cry, he told me to get up and go get her - DW 1 - DH 0
At the moment I am putting her into bed with us when she wakes at 2am or 4am or whenever and I can't get her back to sleep by patting her. I give her a bottle in bed with us and as soon as she is safely in dreamland. I pick her up and put her back in her cot. In the back of my mind I hear ppl telling me that what I am doing is wrong and are "learning" her to get up at that time and get into bed with us and are pick a rod for my own back, BUT those ppl are not in my house at that time of the night, so stuff them. They don't need to look after my kid at night - I do.
I agree with the other girls. Change the subject, don't give out more info than needed and if someone say you must CC, just reply that it's not something you are prepeard to do. If you get pushed, just ignore or say thanks, but no thanks. And in your mind you can drive an 9" nail throught their eyesocket then they can cry themselves to sleep *evil*

[paradise lost]

Nadine they're right about the rod. Once you convince your child that you love it, it's just gonna keep loving you all your life. WHAT a hassle....

Bx

[Nadine216]

"phew"

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Far more rod-like to have to pat a baby to sleep or listen to him cry rather than feed and co-sleep back down, trust me.

We had an hour of screaming this morning WITH me comforting DS (the fifth tooth is looking even closer), can you imagine if I were to do CC with this little man?

As for the "let them vomit" brigade, a health visitor told my friend that "yes, they do that, it's OK" when she said if she locks him in his room with a childgate he screams until he vomits. Why have a baby if you don't want to love them, or if you want them to vomit?

[Nadine216]

You know what is MORE disturbing ... that ppl KNOW that they vomit when crying/stressing to much!!!!

[paradise lost]

How old is her son Ryn? Lots of babies go through a making-themself-sick stage around the start of toddlerhood. DD certainly does it, not in distress, more in curiosity, though she does it to see my reaction and to express anger/frustration too. Letting little babies scream themself sick is SO weird - how does that solve anything...don't want to get up to baby so much at night? Listen to them screaming and then get up and change their sheets instead...don't see much workload reduction there.

Bx

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

He was about 20 months at the time, he is now 27 months. But that's still crazy advice, to let your child induce vomitting.

[Haydies]

Like you Julia and Fionas, I too thought I would do some form of CC when I was pregnant, after all, that's what everyone was telling me they did, so it must be just what you do. The second I laid eyes on my DD however, I knew I never wanted her to feel even a millisecond of pain and was here to do what ever it took to make her feel happy, loved and safe.

My MIL always tells me that when DD wakes in the night, go in with the lights off, quick feed, change her nappy and no talking, picking her up or eye contact. Then leave her and she'll go back to sleep. Although yes I get you might not have a big play session at 3 in the morning, but DD and I can express so much love just by looking at each other, how could I deny her that? I know what it was like to get the cold shoulder / no eye contact growing up, I'd never wish that on my daughter.

Course, I co-sleep so technically am following MIL's advice - no lights are turned on, I don't pick her up and my eyes are shut so no real eye contact heh. Course I don't tell the whole truth when she asks.

[Kazbah]

hehehe Haydies, that's great you're following your MiL's advice

Pip lost his voice last week, and it was awful, I couldn't hear him cry. I now know (as does DF) that letting him "cry it out" doesn't work, he just gets more and more upset. I didn't sleep much that week cause I didn't want him to cry! The only time I could hear him was when he started doing the "whooooop" breathing in which is too late for my liking.