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Thread: 2 or 3 children - DH and I can't agree

  1. #1

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    Default 2 or 3 children - DH and I can't agree

    Ok here's my summarized history. 2 children concieved through IVF due to endometriosis. I have 2 frozen embryoes (don't intend on going back to IVF). It looks like AF may be arriving very soon and I'm sure I ovulated last week. Anyway what I really want to do is just try naturally for a 3rd baby and if it doesn't work then so be it. I have my 2 little miracles and will be happy with that. While my endo is in remission straight after the pregnancy I have a better chance of falling pregnant naturally. However DH is happy with our 2 kids and doesn't want more.

    Has anyone else not agreed with their partner over number of children? Who compromises?


  2. #2

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    My DH only wanted one child too. And I would have thought, the troubles we went thru to have him, that DH would be more appreciative of our DS, and would want more LOL!!! (If that makes sense) Anyway, we have 9 frosties left, and have recently had a transfer. There was no way I was gonna let them sit there and not be utilised!!! I eventually talked DH around, as he knew how important it was for me to have another baby....Anyway, now that things are in motion....He is even more excited than me about the whole thing...
    I really dont know who compromises? Its a hard one...Maybe your DH just needs a little more time? I hope it all works out for you soon.

  3. #3

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    Hi Justine,

    I don't have any children yet but thought you might like to know i have a friend who had endo, they tried naturally but it didn't work and had 2 IVF boys the second going into early labour and spent 3 months in hospital. They decided that was that. Then fell accidently pregnant and very unexpected with a beautiful baby girl born August last year.

    So ggod luck and i'm sure if it happens then DH will be just as happy as you..

    Jane

  4. #4

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    I want 5-6 and DH wants 2. We compromised on 3 before we married, now DH is getting really grumpy about me wanting more than 2. I am really hoping that either I get twins next or that DH believes my boss when he told him that breastfeeding is the best contraception (yay for my boss!) so I have #2 and #3 in close succession. Either that or he falls so in love with mein kleiner Liebling when I've popped the baby out that he can't stop at 2!

    But as DH says, even if Liebs ends up being an only child, we're very blessed to have a child. We don't "need" children, but it would be nice to have at least 3!

  5. #5

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    My DP says 3 boys would be great but i couldn't think of anything worse i mean as long as they are healthy but i think i would stop at 2 boys if thats the case and not try for anymore jsut in case his cousin has 3 boys and as much as i love them they are full on don' stop from morning to night i know all kids are busy as i work in childcare and have 18 children at one time but thats different to 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. i always said 4 children would be nice but now we have our house a 3 bedroom place with 2 large rooms and one smaller 3 children makes more sense 2 in large room and 1 in other but we will have to what and see where our path leads it get through TTC #1. Good luck with DH.

  6. #6

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    When we got married, I was adamant that I wanted 4 and DH was adamant for 2. Well had DD and whilst it wasn't traumatic, it certainly was a shock to the system so I changed my tune and have decided to take it one baby at a time! So we are on the path to bubs#2 and and DH is still happy with just 2...but deep down, I don't know if I can make myself feel ok with my next pg being my last.....so I keep reassuring DH that we'll take it one bubs at a time.......for me as much for him......and maybe with & secretly that one day he will beg me for more!!

    I don't know who compromises either - hopefully it'll all happen the right way for you both and you'll both burst with excitement if this month is yours!

  7. #7
    poppet Guest

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    I posted something similar (not IVF) the other day in toddler discussion. My dh doesnt want anymore. We have 2. Says he wants to get on with life - with our two beautiful girls. I dont feel 'finished' if that makes sense. I was truly devastated at the beginning of the week, i couldnt even talk to him, which of course caused tension in the house.
    I had a good talk with him on Wednesday. I asked him to do three things for me.....1. At least think about why i might want another. Look at things from my point of view.
    2. Promise me we will seriously discuss the option in 12-18 months time. 3. Lets get on with this life he keeps talking about.
    I do feel better. Whilst i am still hoping and praying that he will agree to a third, i have also realised its NOT something you can compromise on. Both people have to agree - 50/50.
    He's got his reasons for not wanting more, i have mine for wanting more. Its a hard one. I agree with Ellyboo72, i think time will truly tell. I have realised over the past week that having an 8 month old daughter is way too early for my DH to even begin thinking about another.....

  8. #8

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    This is our first baby and we disagree on how many we have. I'd love four, but we'd cope better financially with three. DH wants two. We're both not definite so things could change once we see our first little munchkin for the first time.

  9. #9
    Fire Fly Guest

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    This is the perfect reason i tried to start a 'who is ttc#3 thread' I think there is a calling for it. Moving on.

    Dh and I are at a stale mate, a couple of months ago we started talking about ttc#3. Neither of us could say 'yes' or 'no'. DS is still b/fng and af hadnt returned yet. BUT NOW af has returned and im 'O' this weekend (started now) and im undecided as to what we should do.
    We have such a fantastic balance atm with our two kids and we dont want that balance disrupted. I would hate to stuff up what we have, but in saying that i wouldnt part with either of them for quieds so if we had another then so be it. It would be loved unconditionally like the other 2.
    I was talking to my friend today about this very thing as she is decideding on ttc#2 and finding it hard to want to do it as she is enjoying the one on one with him. Anyway she said she has friends that have 3 and they said 2 is good, 3 breaks the back and 4 is do-able because its balanced out again.

    3 is an odd number and one would probably be left out, depending on the age difference. Its a very hard decision that once its made then there no turning back hey.

    Good luck. Tell me what i should do when youve worked it out, lol.

  10. #10

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    We had decided at the end of last year that we were going to stick with 2 children. (i wanted a third but DH spelled out lots of reasons to not and I agreed at that stage, and so went on with life thinking we had completed our family) A couple of months ago, DH started talking about having a third, so here we are. It is a little daunting, as there could be at least a 4 year age gap between a baby and my youngest. In my favour is that both my girls will be in Prep and Kindy next year.
    I guess also, I think of how difficult it may be while they are young, but a friend always tells me to imagine family gatherings as the children get older. The more the merrier.
    I hope you can both agree on an outcome - one that makes you both happy.

  11. #11

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    When first suggesting 3 (rather than 4) to DH - he was all concerned about the middle child syndrome - left out etc. I then pointed out that he was the middle child.....he had no comeback coz of course he thinks he is the bees knees!! (LOL! - & of course he is to me!!! LOL!!)

    I was the second of 4 and 3rd and 2nd seem to be showing the middle child syndrome...altho number 3 seems to be over it whilst the 4th is laying it on thick!!!! :-)

    But then you have DH cousins who are family of 5 kids but sadly no 3 passed away at 3 months....the other 4 are all grown - 3 still live at home (youngest is mid-teens) and the aunty & uncle adopted a little one a few years back taking child quota at home to 4 again. They are all precious, normal, no hang ups and loving life!

    So it's an individual thing I guess - whatever you are happy with is what will make you happy and work best for you....so if you want 10 - BD away baby!! ROFL!!! (just kidding!!)

    Oh - and I too think of the future - the more kids the higher probablility of more g/kids!! LOL!!!

  12. #12

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    At the moment, if we come home late from a family gathering, or a day trip, DH takes DD#1 and gets her ready for bed, and i take DD#2 and get her ready for bed. I wondered the other day what would happen with #3 ?? I kinda like that we have one each to look after ifykwim???
    Firefly you sound a bit hesitant about the whole #3 thing. Do you think b/f has an effect on this decision?? i.e your more emotional/hormonal etc and the yearning for another bub is greater than for someone not necessarily b/feeding?? I wonder this about myself.

  13. #13
    Fire Fly Guest

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    MBEAR, i know where you coming from in regards to one parent per child. It works well in our family to and the thought of messing up that harmony scares us both so much. I cant answer you about the yearning for another bub because im b/fng. I certainly am hesitant about having another baby, no question about that but then we both look at the kids we have and know how much joy and love we all have for each other that we cant say a definate 'no' to having more. Its a very difficult descision, more so than haveing 1 or 2 i think. Im not prepared to have 4 and thats only because of my age so we need to be totally comfortable about bub #3.

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