I am all for sharing EVERYTHING in a relationship - however, sometimes it truely is better to limit some info to 'need to know' basis or 'requests to know' basis (ie, he asks you). My DH is fully supportive of TTC, ans he has been aware each time that I am charting and using OPK's. Occaisionally he will ask me about it all, but I know he sometimes feels ripped off, like I am just 'using' him to get pregnant. I know it is illogical - but think about it from his perspective. You may only have been interested in DTD half as much (or even less) prior to TTC, and now it has increased NOT because you want HIM; but because you 'need' his sperm. If in some alternate universe, he only 'seemed' to want to have sex with you as a purely machenic function (ie, TTC) but showed much less interest any other time: you would likely be feeling a little sensitive to say the least. Trying to keep the romance whilst TTC is hard work - but the last thing you want is for it to become a 'chore'. So restricting the depth of information isn't a bad thing, it is just that sometimes a little mystery goes a long way in a relationship. I mean is it really that imperative that HE actually knows every detail about your cycle??? Or is he perfectly able to fullfill his role without knowing you have EWCM and a temp of 37.4????
my Dh is being a douche about ttc as well. we had the big talk about wanting another baby and before ds was two. So in April we decided to try.
weLl he hasn't been trying too hard,has he.... my DH has been going to bed early without me for months... When I ask him why he's avoiding me or not " trying" as much as he should for a baby, we says when it happens it" ll happen, or I'm not in a rush, or some other crap to make my blood boil, I feel your pain.
hopefully he gets you pregnant soon , and then it won't matter anymore....
if they could only understand. I wish men got AF every month they didn't make a baby, just as a reminder
Can you do as some of the other ladies have suggested, temp and obsess about it at BB but not share all details with DH unless he asks? You could (if you felt comfortable) use OPK's and give temping a break for a month.
This might be TMI for the general areas, but sex as a chore often becomes an issue for TTC couples, more so with the man. Can you offer him a bonus / fantasy / special thing to spice things up around O time, so it doesn't go that way?
Dragoncookie- I get where your coming from. The othere girls have valid opinions but here's mine. TTC is a combined effort. My DF was the same as your DH with my last pregnancy (my third m/c). Before i fell pg with lily he was the same, didn't want me to get test or seriously 'try' for a baby, he felt pressured etc etc.
Then i m/c again. I had billions of tests done and we think the cause of my m/c has been found.
But i can't TTC without fertility drugs. And i HAVE to monitor my cycle by temping and blood tests etc. My partner and i sat down and talked it over and over before i started these drugs and agreed this is what we were going to do- TOGETHER.
So i think you have a right to be angry and hurt- i think if you both agree to ttc and bear the disappointment month after month you need to support each other and be able to talk about it- it's one of the most emotional and frustrating journeys for alot of people in thier lifetimes.
HTH
I just posted a vent yesterday about pretty much the same thing. MY DH says he can't wait to have a baby, but ignores my advances in the bedroom and isn't even home half the time before i go to bed anyways, like he's avoiding me or something. So i totally know how u feel - like crap!
Don't worry, I'm sure he'll come to his silly senses soon enough
I just posted a vent yesterday about pretty much the same thing. MY DH says he can't wait to have a baby, but ignores my advances in the bedroom and isn't even home half the time before i go to bed anyways, like he's avoiding me or something. So i totally know how u feel - like crap!
Don't worry, I'm sure he'll come to his silly senses soon enough
DC. It is so hard especially because all these things that he wants to ignore while you just fall pregnant are happening to your body. It's not so easy to just not notice all the changes that happen each month because they are happening to you. I think sometimes they just don't get that.
I don't really have much else to offer but lots of
Maybe it was not so clearly worded in my post that noone realised it has been nine long months of 'waiting to see what happens' and DH using me for sex whenever he wanted it because for the first time in 2.5yrs I was interested. Sure if I knew I was ovulating I would say yes where on other occassions I may have said no, but I have certainly not made him think about actually "TRYING" until the last few days. There has been no charting, no temping, no OPKs, nothing except me occassionally mentioning the masses of stringy vaginal goop - usually coinciding hours after we had already DTD and in no way did I make any approaches.
I don't see how me being heartbroken month after month (after waiting 17 painstakingly LONG months to TTC after we were going to originally - thanks PND) for nine months, therefore wanting to take things more seriously is using him and I dont like the implication that I don't know how my DH is feeling.
We share everything and are very comfortable doing so - and this is no different. If he doesn't want to know about it something is wrong... He has made it extremely clear that it is too 'real'. This was just over me saying I wanted to buy a BBT thermometer. If he felt used he would tell me that but seeing as I never initiate sex I hardly see how that is remotely possible.
I was happy to wait and see what happened seeing as DS was a whoopsie pill baby and we thought because of that it may happen quickly but I don't want to wait for it to 'just happen' anymore and he does.
Anyway Im going to stop because obviously I have been misunderstood.
Thanks to all of you for having been there and knowing where I am coming from and to those of you who offered hugs.
I definitely agree that it would be different if they had to have AF every month, it's just a painful reminder. My DH is all sorry when AF pops up but three days later doest give a crap. Shattered.
Last edited by The[cookie]Doctor; November 23rd, 2010 at 08:10 PM.
Oh hun I feel you. Actually I had to wait about that long to get DH to agree to TTC with me for DD1... I waited 24 months from the time my body started aching for a baby, until he finally gave us the go ahead to try. And then DD1 took 12 months to conceive. Ouch ouch ouch.
Would you feel uncomfortable charting or using OPK's without keeping DH involved? Initiating sex at the right time without mentioning it was the right time?
What I am hearing is that you want DH to be more sympathetic of the deep desires you have for a child, and more sympathetic when those dreams are dashed each month. That is totally understandable and I hope you can find a way to get that from him.
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hopefully he gets you pregnant soon , and then it won't matter anymore....
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