I *thought* we had decided it was okay to start being "serious".
I *thought* that seeing me heartbroken month after month had changed his mindset.
I *thought* having another baby was something he wanted too.
BUT as DH has so politely informed me;
I can chart but he doesn't want to know about it because it makes it real.
Gee, ya think? having a baby is a 'REAL' grown up thing to do.
He wants a "were excited to announce we weren't using contraceptives and DW finally fell pregnant" baby... I've been waiting on that baby for 9 months. That baby is alluding me.
If thats the only way he wants another baby, I would rather be on the pill instead of holdinf put hope month after month.
Now I feel used like this arrangement was for his sexual benefit (at least 250% more sex now not using contraception).
If he doesn't want to be "serious" about trying, I want to be on the pill so there is no false hope. If I'm on the pill hes lucky to get any once a fortnight. So I'm off the pill to have a 'unplanned' pregnancy because my husband doesn't want to seriously try for a baby.
Awesome.
Oh and then he had the balls to basically say I was inconsiderate to his feelings and he obviously isn't allowed to have them - all because I didn't acknowledge what he was saying because oh gee I was DUMBFOUNDED to hear, last I heard he wants a fricken baby too.
(i undersatnd why he does not want it to seem real but I am hurt that i am expected to accept the fact he doesn't want me to try and therefore I should hide it from him? if he doesn't want to know about it, I feel he is not ready...)
Do you think it's more about pressure to perform than it being too "real" and perhaps feeling used from his end too?
(ok, hear me out...)
When we were ttc dh commented that it's be nice to have sex just for the sake of having sex. Not having to worry about the right timing, temps, ewcm and hanging upside down from the bed head to make sure it all gets in there He felt like I was just using him for his sperm and not because I "wanted" him.
Ttc is hard, really hard but I hope it happens soon for you both xx
I am all for sharing EVERYTHING in a relationship - however, sometimes it truely is better to limit some info to 'need to know' basis or 'requests to know' basis (ie, he asks you). My DH is fully supportive of TTC, ans he has been aware each time that I am charting and using OPK's. Occaisionally he will ask me about it all, but I know he sometimes feels ripped off, like I am just 'using' him to get pregnant. I know it is illogical - but think about it from his perspective. You may only have been interested in DTD half as much (or even less) prior to TTC, and now it has increased NOT because you want HIM; but because you 'need' his sperm. If in some alternate universe, he only 'seemed' to want to have sex with you as a purely machenic function (ie, TTC) but showed much less interest any other time: you would likely be feeling a little sensitive to say the least. Trying to keep the romance whilst TTC is hard work - but the last thing you want is for it to become a 'chore'. So restricting the depth of information isn't a bad thing, it is just that sometimes a little mystery goes a long way in a relationship. I mean is it really that imperative that HE actually knows every detail about your cycle??? Or is he perfectly able to fullfill his role without knowing you have EWCM and a temp of 37.4????
my Dh is being a douche about ttc as well. we had the big talk about wanting another baby and before ds was two. So in April we decided to try.
weLl he hasn't been trying too hard,has he.... my DH has been going to bed early without me for months... When I ask him why he's avoiding me or not " trying" as much as he should for a baby, we says when it happens it" ll happen, or I'm not in a rush, or some other crap to make my blood boil, I feel your pain.
hopefully he gets you pregnant soon , and then it won't matter anymore....
if they could only understand. I wish men got AF every month they didn't make a baby, just as a reminder
Can you do as some of the other ladies have suggested, temp and obsess about it at BB but not share all details with DH unless he asks? You could (if you felt comfortable) use OPK's and give temping a break for a month.
This might be TMI for the general areas, but sex as a chore often becomes an issue for TTC couples, more so with the man. Can you offer him a bonus / fantasy / special thing to spice things up around O time, so it doesn't go that way?
Dragoncookie- I get where your coming from. The othere girls have valid opinions but here's mine. TTC is a combined effort. My DF was the same as your DH with my last pregnancy (my third m/c). Before i fell pg with lily he was the same, didn't want me to get test or seriously 'try' for a baby, he felt pressured etc etc.
Then i m/c again. I had billions of tests done and we think the cause of my m/c has been found.
But i can't TTC without fertility drugs. And i HAVE to monitor my cycle by temping and blood tests etc. My partner and i sat down and talked it over and over before i started these drugs and agreed this is what we were going to do- TOGETHER.
So i think you have a right to be angry and hurt- i think if you both agree to ttc and bear the disappointment month after month you need to support each other and be able to talk about it- it's one of the most emotional and frustrating journeys for alot of people in thier lifetimes.
HTH
My DH wasn't quite like that for TTC but now that I'm pg (found out yesterday) it's not 'real' to him until we pass the 3 month safe zone. It may be a way for him to protect his feelings if we have a miscarriage but it's also weird. Like 'why go to the doctor until it's definite?' 'um because that's what you have to do to start getting care etc... And it is definite!!' he doesn't believe the HPT. I know it's true from what my body says!
And then on the same day he rubs my tummy and says bye to it before going to work and then later that night he tells me a baby name he likes! Confusing or what?
Feeling confused re: DH and TTC
if he doesn't want to know about it, I feel he is not ready...)
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He felt like I was just using him for his sperm and not because I "wanted" him. 
hopefully he gets you pregnant soon , and then it won't matter anymore....
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