Feeling confused re: DH and TTC

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Maybe it was not so clearly worded in my post that noone realised it has been nine long months of 'waiting to see what happens' and DH using me for sex whenever he wanted it because for the first time in 2.5yrs I was interested. Sure if I knew I was ovulating I would say yes where on other occassions I may have said no, but I have certainly not made him think about actually "TRYING" until the last few days. There has been no charting, no temping, no OPKs, nothing except me occassionally mentioning the masses of stringy vaginal goop - usually coinciding hours after we had already DTD and in no way did I make any approaches.

I don't see how me being heartbroken month after month (after waiting 17 painstakingly LONG months to TTC after we were going to originally - thanks PND) for nine months, therefore wanting to take things more seriously is using him and I dont like the implication that I don't know how my DH is feeling.

We share everything and are very comfortable doing so - and this is no different. If he doesn't want to know about it something is wrong... He has made it extremely clear that it is too 'real'. This was just over me saying I wanted to buy a BBT thermometer. If he felt used he would tell me that but seeing as I never initiate sex I hardly see how that is remotely possible.

I was happy to wait and see what happened seeing as DS was a whoopsie pill baby and we thought because of that it may happen quickly but I don't want to wait for it to 'just happen' anymore and he does.

Anyway Im going to stop because obviously I have been misunderstood.

Thanks to all of you for having been there and knowing where I am coming from and to those of you who offered hugs.
I definitely agree that it would be different if they had to have AF every month, it's just a painful reminder. My DH is all sorry when AF pops up but three days later doest give a crap. Shattered.