Feeling confused re: DH and TTC

[Just Me]

DC. It is so hard especially because all these things that he wants to ignore while you just fall pregnant are happening to your body. It's not so easy to just not notice all the changes that happen each month because they are happening to you. I think sometimes they just don't get that.

I don't really have much else to offer but lots of

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Maybe it was not so clearly worded in my post that noone realised it has been nine long months of 'waiting to see what happens' and DH using me for sex whenever he wanted it because for the first time in 2.5yrs I was interested. Sure if I knew I was ovulating I would say yes where on other occassions I may have said no, but I have certainly not made him think about actually "TRYING" until the last few days. There has been no charting, no temping, no OPKs, nothing except me occassionally mentioning the masses of stringy vaginal goop - usually coinciding hours after we had already DTD and in no way did I make any approaches.

I don't see how me being heartbroken month after month (after waiting 17 painstakingly LONG months to TTC after we were going to originally - thanks PND) for nine months, therefore wanting to take things more seriously is using him and I dont like the implication that I don't know how my DH is feeling.

We share everything and are very comfortable doing so - and this is no different. If he doesn't want to know about it something is wrong... He has made it extremely clear that it is too 'real'. This was just over me saying I wanted to buy a BBT thermometer. If he felt used he would tell me that but seeing as I never initiate sex I hardly see how that is remotely possible.

I was happy to wait and see what happened seeing as DS was a whoopsie pill baby and we thought because of that it may happen quickly but I don't want to wait for it to 'just happen' anymore and he does.

Anyway Im going to stop because obviously I have been misunderstood.

Thanks to all of you for having been there and knowing where I am coming from and to those of you who offered hugs.
I definitely agree that it would be different if they had to have AF every month, it's just a painful reminder. My DH is all sorry when AF pops up but three days later doest give a crap. Shattered.

[Maruschke]

Oh hun I feel you. Actually I had to wait about that long to get DH to agree to TTC with me for DD1... I waited 24 months from the time my body started aching for a baby, until he finally gave us the go ahead to try. And then DD1 took 12 months to conceive. Ouch ouch ouch.

Would you feel uncomfortable charting or using OPK's without keeping DH involved? Initiating sex at the right time without mentioning it was the right time?

What I am hearing is that you want DH to be more sympathetic of the deep desires you have for a child, and more sympathetic when those dreams are dashed each month. That is totally understandable and I hope you can find a way to get that from him.

[toomanyshoes]

So know how you're feeling, my HD is "happy to have another baby" but mention seeing a DR and it's all too "real"...........I really wish they could understand what we go through and how much is plays with our emotions!

[littlemissmountain]

I just wanted to send you a
and to let you know that a couple of years ago my DP was the same for many months too. Even to the point of sometimes randomly using condoms... it was very confusing and disappointing. I decided not too make a fuss about it because I knew that if I pressured him he would resist altogether. And he came around, faster than I thought he would actually. And now we've been trying for 18 months and it's taking forever to happen anyway!
They're strange creatures DC... and perhaps behave quite unconsciously when responding to our feelings sometimes.
You might be right that he is not ready... but that doesn't mean he won't be soon.
Hang in there chick.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

I think it is mostly he is scared that he will lose his wifey to the big black hole of post natal depression all over again. Therefore "TRYING" to conceive makes it a more valid concern. I don't know how else I am supposed to prove that I am healthy and in control. I have said numerous times that I will see a psychologist during pregnancy if it will help him feel more at ease - and for my own sake but i also think that second time around - WANTing to have a child, and being PREARED emotionally and financially with adequate support will make all the difference.

I completely get where he is coming from with that but I can't make the fact that yes I was a mess for a long time go away.

[Mum2Romone]

DragonCookie, Im sure that your DH has concerns about your PND too but as it effects women for many different reasons there is no guarantee that you will even have it again, so I don't think that would be his main concern.
perhaps he was just expecting it to happen like you, and thinks if he just keeps putting it out of his mind ....it will happen and you won't have to be one of those people that TRY to have a baby, especially after having an oopsy baby first....same as us.....
( No offense to those trying for a baby, I am too but some people don't like to be 'branded' as someone that HAD to TRY )

my DH doesn't want to ""try"..... He basically avoids me if I say I'm ovulating, even though he was the one that suggested it was time to have another baby in April. It certainly doesn't help that I took him seriously and put my heart into it straight away,( especially after my miscarriage) whilst he just expected that his super sperm would knock me up straight away, I think it bothers them more than we realize but they don't want to talk or plan or "TRY" for a baby, but they will have sex, when it suits them. I get where you are coming from and I understand your frustration with waiting months.....

I don't have any advice on how to deal with DHs attitude as I'm certainly in the same boat. Ive tried talking about how much I want this, especially after the miscarriage, and how we actually have to have sex at a certain time each month. That DS was not simply a fluke but rather good timing... DTD.

I hope that in the next few days you can resolve things, and try to work together towards a baby together as YAS said in her post, it's a joint effort and when they aren't in it with you, you can't do it by yourself, especially emotionally