Gender Preference- Feeling Guilty!!

[JellyBean]

Hi All,
DH and I will be TTC #2 soon, and admitedly we would like to try for a girl, as #1 is a beautiful little boy. Part of me feels guilty for desiring this- especially when there are couples out there who want so desperately to have a baby full stop. It also makes me feel a little scared, as the last thing I want to feel when my baby pops out is disappointment.
I just read the article on 'Shettles Gender Selection' method here on bellybelly. I am aware of course that it is not foolproof, and I will be very happy just to have another healthy baby- regardless of gender. The article states that because the days to conceive a girl are before ovulation (ie- day 10-13 of your cycle), you are avoiding intercourse at your peak fertility days (ie- day 14). This makes me seriously wonder what is more important, to try for a girl against the odds or just go with the peak fertility days when you are more likely to conceive full stop.
So, I can't help but wonder, have other couples here on belly belly tried this method and been successful? Or unsuccessful? Did any of you DTD at your peak cervical mucous time (recommended for boy) and still have a girl? I'm just curious....... I don't want to get my hopes up for something as potentially elusive as this!!

[myson]

Jellybean. I completely understand. I actually at one stage thought of myself as being so selfish in wanting a boy so much that i didnt deserve to have another baby. Have you looked at the gender swaying thread? there are others who will understand and maybe help you out. And there is more to gender swaying than just shettles too.... I will get you the link...

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...-2008-a-5.html

[Olive]

i sort of know how you feel, i really want another girl this time but have the guilts over it, i decided when we were TTC to DTD the same time we did when we concieved DD, the night prior to ovulation, that way we really get what were given if that makes sense,

[SossiGirl]

JellyBean I also completly understand and am in exactly the same position and thought process as you. After looking through all the threads of gender swaying, shettles etc and reading it all we have come to the decision that what will be will be, there is so much to do and not to do and the pressure that comes along with that cant be good for either us or our partners. We are not fans of planning what day to DTD so for us we have come to the conclusion that at the end of the day whatever gender our baby is we will love and cherish no matter what.

[DANNIIM]

I have a friend whom only DTD on the days you are meant to be able to conceive a girl, basically not too close to Oing and she even got the horrendous MS which was completely different to her first DS, she was so sure she was having a girl but nope she ended up with another boy.
Don't feel guilty it is all normal i guess sometimes we just get what we are meant too!

[kitten76]

Jellybean:
I swayed for a boy and I am not ashamed of it.We wanted another child so Ultimately we get what we get and we will be thrilled all the same be it boy or girl. DH dosnt care if we dont have a boy either , he has always seen my son (from a previous marriage) as his own son and he is proud that he will carry the name on. I just cant wait to see if its blue or pink so I can go shopping HeHe.

I wouldnt rely on any method because you may end up with gender disapointment. All we can hope for is healthy baby at the end of our LONG 40 week journey.
Goodluck with any decision you make

[LG]

Hmmmm me too!!
I have 2 GORGEOUS SPUNKY boys and we are TTC#3 (first cycle) and i would DEARLY love a little pink one!!!! But i'm the same as you - i'm not sure i want to miss out on my most fertile days especially because i have PCOS and only ovulate with the help of clomid anyway so getting pregnant has never been easy for me.
I've heard that avoiding red meat and salt, and having more magnesium and calcium helps sway towards girl.
I might have to head over to that gender selection thread too actually.... (see you there!)

[JellyBean]

Thanks for the support guys- its good to know I'm not alone here feeling this way. I didn't realise there was a gender swaying thread- I will check it out.
Although, part of me feels that the harder I try, or the more effort I put into methods aimed at 'trying for a girl', the greater the potential disappointment. I'm quite spiritual, and part of me feels like desiring this will reap bad karma- IYKWIM??? I feel in a way that I am biting the hand that feeds me, or tempting fate.... I don't know. Sometimes I think that I am more likely to get what I want if I stop wanting it so much- the universe seems to work like this for me in other areas of my life!!!

[alioops]

Hey JellyBean,

Do not feel guilty hun. We all picture our families a certain way, and we can only hope to have that. I always pictured 2 boys and 2 girls. I also imagined that being pg was easy. I imagined that I would have boy then girl then boy then girl. How wrong was I?! We have swayed for a boy this time, but if we have another girl, that is it. My body will not handle a 4th pg.

Gender swaying is never foolproof. You can do what you can to help, but never rely on it. To avoid disappointment after delivery I prefer to find out at the 20 week scan. I have a copy of the Shettles book and there is more to it than is mentioned in the article. He recommends after a certain number of cycles at a particular day before ovulation, that you get one day closer to ovulation.

Keep an eye on the BB classifieds and ebay. Someone might put a copy up soon.

[SossiGirl]

JellyBean.. I totally agree with the getting what you want if you stop wanting it so much. I have learnt to do that and things have been working out for us.

I would really really really like a little girl so that i can have a mother/daughter bond like my mum and i have, and do things like find a dress her for her ball, be a mother of the bride and of course go shopping, go for coffees, have a gossip etc.

If it does happen and we have al little girl thenthat is fantastic and I will be over the moon but if it doesnt then my next boy will have to wear dresses for the first few month.. LOL.. only joking I wouldnt do that.

I have also thought about finding out the sex of baby #2 so that I wont be dissapointed if we have a boy (I certainly feel guilty about that )....

[Trillian]

I don't think that anyone can truly say that the desire for a certain gender has never entered their heads at all - even if only for a fleeting moment. Even when I was lucky enough to get a boy, then a girl, I still would have preferred another boy when I was having #3 but would be happy with either because we already had one of each kwim? (#3 is a girl) and we gender swayed for a boy with #4 (and were successful - we only DTD the day that I O'd - I always O a few days after the appearance of EWCM) The way I see it, you can give it your best shot, and if it works, then that is brilliant, but if it doesn't then at least you know you tried and at the end of that day that's all you CAN do.

[myson]

there is so much to do and not to do and the pressure that comes along with that cant be good for either us or our partners. We are not fans of planning what day to DTD so for us we have come to the conclusion that at the end of the day whatever gender our baby is we will love and cherish no matter what.

In the GS thread you will find a lot of different info... but how much of it you choose to take on board and how much you ignore is completely up to you. You and your partner will know how much "intervention" is too much and when the pressure is too great.

There are no guarantees with any method but if you do decide to GS it can be as simple as eating certain types or food or fruit and avoiding others or getting DH to wear either boxers or briefs (depending on gender preference)

And as Kitten said you will love your baby no matter what it is.... in the GS thread everone who has come in has made that same statement. It is a good place for support for the feelings of desiring one gender over another. You can discuss it there openly without offending others who possibly may be wanting a child so much that they see your preference as distubing to them.

HTH.

[myson]

The way I see it, you can give it your best shot, and if it works, then that is brilliant, but if it doesn't then at least you know you tried and at the end of that day that's all you can do.

Well said Trillian... and my thoughts exactly!

We did all we reasonably could to sway for a boy without pressuring ourselves too much. And my philosophy is that if we did that much to get a boy and we end up with another girl... well... that just means we dont have the boy recipe in our family cookbook and thats it. If it doesnt happen this time then it just wasnt meant to be!

Only 2 more sleeps til we find out if it worked!

[Macca79]

Don't feel bad or guilty about it. I desperately wanted a boy first and after 4 years ttc I felt bad about it and thought I should be happy with what I get. We were lucky and got a boy. We are now ttc number 2 and I want another boy. If I could pick I would only have boys, I have no desire for a girl.

[JellyBean]

Thanks for all your replies. I have since had a big chat to the DH, and he is far more uncomfortable with the whole gender swaying thing than I am. He even said, "I don't want you coming to me and saying, 'you have to have sex with me now' like you're some kind of alien that i need to impregnate to continue the species!" (Lol)....
Hard to imagine a man refusing sex, but he basically said that if its not spontaneous and romantic- then he's not into it!!
He would like a baby girl next time around too, but he's not prepared to participate in any 'contrived strategies' (his words) like eating certain foods, DTD at a particular time, in a particular position etc etc. Gggrrr.
So, I guess that makes it easier for me! Maybe if I just forget about it and have fun- who knows? What will be will be......

[ShootingStar]

Oh hun.. there is nothing wrong with pondering on a certain sex. There is no crime in it and you have a right in yourself to wish for a little girl. We used shettles method to conceive DD.. it worked for us. But throughout when we were trying for her i just kept in my mind that its worth a try. If it doesnt work then it doesnt work and we will love another little boy no less than a little girl. Theres no harm in trying i say if thats what you have in your heart.