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Thread: Want to get pregnant but scared and confussed

  1. #1
    chicken_little Guest

    Default Want to get pregnant but scared and confussed

    Hi everyone, this is my first post and I am feeling a little embarrassed.

    Im hitting the wonderful age of 37yrs soon and have not had any babies as yet, my partner is almost popping his cork to have babies, he would be the most wonderful father.
    I want kids, well I think I do, or maybe I just don't knot.
    Ok to put it simply, I am Sh** Scared!
    I have been reading up on Hypno babies and all stuff like that and I think I can do It but I just don't know?
    I suffer anxiety and panic disorder and have done for many years so this will be a challenge on its own.

    My questions are, HOW on earth do I loosen up and let things happen? I still wont let the partner go all the way because of the fear (fear of what?)
    When I am pregnant I would get a doula as I am sure I would benefit from one.
    How do you find a hospital that lets you water birth? I am in western Sydney.
    What if I want to have the baby at home, do I have to be a private health patient, I am currently only on assistant by centrelink due to support pension.



    Would be really nice if there was someone out there who could help me out as my mind is doing back flips with confussion here.
    Thanks
    S

  2. #2

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    it's not an easy choice to make, after all having children is a massive, life-long commitment but it's also very rewarding and it can be alot of fun.
    I wasn't sure if I wanted children when my partner was really keen to have them but I knew he would be a great Dad so I just put my trust in that. If the worst came to the worst and I proved to be a hopeless mother than DH could be the primary carer.
    You can do tours of the maternity wards before you commit to one.
    As far as I know Auburn and Blacktown hospital both have facilities for waterbirths.
    To have a baby at home you will need a midwife to attend. Many of them will allow you to pay in installments and also use you baby bonus to assist you to pay.

    Maybe you would benefit from some counselling to help you with relaxation tequniques - you could talk to your GP about this.

  3. #3

    Default

    I don't have much advice for you except this one thing...

    Children are the most rewarding thing in life, to feel the baby kicking inside you, to birthing him/her and watching him/her grow and discover new things - it's wonderful. I couldn't imagine my life without my kids. They bring laughter and happiness into my day.

    Probably not the answer you were looking for, but like PP suggested maybe a little counceling would help you with the issues you're going through.

    GL!

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    Firstly welcome to BB chicken little

    A lot of people worry about how they will go having kids, it can be a wonderfully rewarding experience, and at the same time a challenging one. Have you thought about making a plan and discussing with your partner about what you see parenthood as being about. The division of chores , money matters, child care, etc. maybe if you felt more in control and felt like your partner was right there beside you every step of the way it may help to ease some of the fears. If you feel that it is more then you feel you can cope with just right now , then at least you have started to prepare yourself, it doesn't mean that you have to go and start trying right away,but that you are preparing yourself in case you decide to. Talk to your GP if you have one, he/she may be able to dirrect you to some useful resources.
    There is a lot of good info. about Doulas at BB, you would probably benefit from having on assist you.I'm sorry I don't know much about Sydney hospitals.
    best wishes

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Can't give you too much advice about this one. All I can say though is that you need to make your decision soon. Your fertility declines from your late 20's onwards and although there are some ladies in their late 30's and early 40's getting pregnant easily and sailing through their pregnancies there are a lot more of them that are having to have treatment to get pregnant and then having all sorts of troubles staying pregnant. Decide if it's what you want and if it is go for it - the details of how and where you will give birth can be worked out after you are pregnant. Good luck with making your decision.

  6. #6
    chicken_little Guest

    Default

    Thanks for the advice so far, some has been rather helpful.
    Blacktown hospital does have a spa setup but it does not permit water birthing, apparently they pull the plug just as the baby is to arrive, not sure that would make much difference anyway.

    Yes I know my age is something I need to take into account but when I am reminded of my age it only adds to the stress of "do I get pregnant now or not"

    I guess when asking myself what my biggest worry is, this is my answer: How do I turn a frightening view of pregnancy into a beautiful view. I have read so many scary stories, seems every one talks about the pain in such big words. Is it really that bad, surely if it was then no one would be having babies.
    Ok I can except there might be some pain but isnt pain just what you make of it.
    I could relax more if I knew that having a baby was not this excruciating pain and was a beautiful experience.

    Thanks again I really do appreciate all your advice and help, even if you feel your words are of not much value to my questions, I can assure you they are.
    S

    P.S by the way, I do want to get things on the 9 month path very soon, I believe I am ready, just have a wall of fear in front of me that is stopping me, remove that I am on the way.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    7,167

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    Hi Chicken little, have a read of the articles on this site about birth. I always thought it was an awful horrible thing (prob coz of my Mum's bad experiences, and other horror stories) but since finding this site and reading lots of articles by Kelly and others I am not scared about birth at all now, I can't wait!!

  8. #8

    Default

    Don't be scared, many people have wonderful pregnancies with very little discomfort (like me, and I was 35 when I got pregnant). Pain is both a physical and psychological experience, and there are many ways to deal with both through pregnancy and during the birth. You could get some support from a psychologist (through the medicare items) which would assist no end. You might also find an ob/midwife who has worked with many women with a history of anxiety and panic disorders which could help no end.

    But please don't be frightened of the pain. And you don't have to be desperate for kids to want to have them - in my case, I couldn't imagine myself at 50 with no children, so logically I had to have them sometime! Now I have had my first, I think it is a wonderful experience that has taught me so much already, including how to relax and go with the flow a lot more in life.

    Hope things work out for you!

  9. #9

    Default

    Welcome to BB You have come to the most perfect place for all your questions etc...

    Like SaraJane, i too had no idea about birth, birthing options etc, in fact i didnt even know we HAD options to choose from when pregnant and going through labour! isnt it wonderful to know that we DO have choices?!?! and BB can help you with all that!

    As for ttc (trying to conceive) when you feel ready, which sounds soon, come and join us in the TTC threads.... everyone is really supportive of each other and very helpful and you can talk about what you are going through, any questions you may have, etc etc we are all here to help each other

    See you around the site!!

  10. #10

    Join Date
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    Hi chickenlittle

    I know it's easier said than done but don't let your decision about whether or not to have kids be determined by your fear of labour. If that's all that's stopping you just try to put it in perspective. It is just one day of your life. Having kids is a very big decision but don't tie yourself in knots about how to manage your labour just yet. As someone else said, perhaps have a think (if you haven't already) about how you will manage the day-to-day issues of having a child. I believe that all labours are different and everyone has a different pain threshold. You might have a high pain threshold and have a pretty painless labour!

    I was 38 when I had my first one (just 12 weeks ago). I was never completely sure I wanted kids and I thought VERY long and hard about it. I had read all the horror stories about sleepless nights, screaming babies etc. etc. and to be honest, even once I'd made the decision to try for a baby I wasn't completely 100% sure I'd done the right thing and had a minor freak-out before my daughter was born. I had mentally prepared myself for the worst and expected to have to grit my teeth through babyhood until she got more 'interesting' and interactive.

    Well, I can tell you that it is not like I had imagined. She is a fantastically easy baby and I love every moment with her. Last night I was complaining to my partner at midnight that she was asleep but I wanted to play. I just absolutely adore being around her and I hope she feels the same way!

    That's not to say that your experience would be the same, just that people that have kids are not necessarily all 100% sure before they have them. We're all making it up as we go along!

    I wish you all the very best with whatever decision you make.

    Fiona

  11. #11
    chicken_little Guest

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    Thanks ladies,

    Everyone has added a little here that has been of great help to me. I guess when it comes down to it, someone us never really know if we want to be parents or if we will be good parents but we need to stop and weight up the odds and go from there. Birth is natural, mothering is natural, babies are our teachers...

    My biggest problem is the fear, I look past the pregnancy and the growing belly and worry about "the day" that day you go into labour, I start to question how much it will hurt, can I do it, will it hurt real bad. My mind over exaggerates the pain this is one reason I would need a doula and extra support to keep my mind straight. I can be a strong minded person and know I can do it, I just have to get past the little voice in my mind saying how hard it will be as I don't know how hard it is, I have never done it. And from what I see, most woman say its not as hard as they assumed.

    Also its lovely to have your partner as support but there are just some things that feel more comfortable talking to another female with.

    Thanks again everyone, I feel I am just a step closer, all wish and pray for me that I will take the leap soon and then tell you of the joy. You can bet Ill be the one crying with worry and will need your wonder words again.

    All the best
    S

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