I think for me it is sadness, hostility, anger, frustration, grief, relief...

For me, with PCOS and stupidly long cycles, it can be an utter sense of relief that a 70-80 day cycle is now finally over and that I can have a fresh start.

Unfortunately, there's only been once that AF arrived when expected, and that's been because I took provera to end the cycle. I'm always surprised to find that I have AF, sad that it's just one more reminder that my body doesn't work properly, and that I can't ignore my fertility problems for any moment of the day. The fact that you are infertile feels like it is being shoved in your face, rammed down your throat, it simply will not be ignored and let you go about your day... while at other times, you can put it out of your head and focus on what needs to be done.

Also, during AF I usually get terrible arthritis flares. It's not just about period pain, it's about every joint in my body screaming in agony on top of the regular period pain.

We're currently rolling around to 12 months TTC, and in that time there's not been one single moment when I can confidently say that I have ovulated for real. The fact that I'm only on my 6th cycle in 12 months is a huge indicator of just how bad a state I'm in... and I'd probably still be on cycle 5 if I hadn't taken the provera!

So, I shall send many :hugs: to my fellow LT TTCers and ACers... it's truly not something that anyone can understand until they have walked in these shoes.

BW