I have never known or met my father's father. I don't remember when I was first told that he was abusive but I've always known that he was abusive and left when my dad was 10. I don't feel like I've missed out and should he ever reappear (which is highly doubtful) I have no desire to have anything to do with him.

DF and I have decided that at this time, Shoopy will have nothing to do with DF's mother. She's an alcoholic and sat by as DF was beaten as a kid. We told her when we started TTC, when I fell pregnant and when Shoopy was born, but told her that until she is sober and has been for a set period of time, she will have nothing to do with us or Shoopy. Unfortunately at this stage, her granddaughter isn't enough motivation to give up the bottle. Aside from not wanting Shoopy around an alcoholic, she is apparently quite nasty when she is drunk. We are not prepared to allow Shoopy to grow up in a toxic environment. We plan to tell Shoopy about her Nanna, and explain (to a point)why she doesn't see her. Obviously it will be in very simple terms to begin with (Nanna is sick and it makes her not very nice) and as she gets older we may then share more. There's no shock then, no surprise as to why this person isn't in her life. It just the way it is and that's normal, itms?