i come from a violent family, have been "divorced" from my family since my early 20's.

Now i have had a child, and she is very verbal now, every year as it gets near to xmas, i have this tug of war in my head - should i contact my mother, and tell her about bilby, so that bilby might have a chance of having a grandparent. (both grandpas are deceased, other grandma is interstate in a nursing home - dementia - so is not well enough to even realise she has bilby as her grand-daughter).

Has anyone else gone thru anything like this?

i have no=one to talk it thru with, so unsure, so many things stop me from going ahead.

Bilby is getting older, 6 in November, aware that other kids have grandparents. Is really putting me on the spot about "where are my grandparents"?

And how to deal with the "gap" of not seeing them. Having to explain to bilby (IF i do this), why she didn't have contact with her grandma for the first six years of her life.

i am worried that bilby will have so many questions (of me), to which the only truthful answer, is things to do with violence, that i really don't want to discuss with her until she's an adult.

Bilby is very lonely. I feel so guilty that she is an only child. Her one cousin is interstate. We are not social butterflies (cannot afford to be social in the way that her school friends are, plus we live in a crime ghetto, so cannot invite school mates over for playdates.) Christmas is meant to be this big family time, i am dreading, how i possibly make xmas fun for bilby, just her and me on xmas day. I remember xmas as a time of getting together with many relatives, i cannot replicate that for her. Not even sure if contacting my mother would be any better - so unsure. But time is marching on, as i tussle with this topic every year, around this time - as bilby is getting a year older every year. Will she hate me, when she's an adult, for denying her a grandma, as a kid?

so conflicted about this