OK, this might be a bit "heavy".....

Following on from my Do you have expectations for your children thread (https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...-children.html) I also often think about whether parenting really matters that much, if (sometimes) at all. And I should just say first up that I think I am a very contentious parent. I think and care about how I parent, I educate myself about parenting choices and I make conscious decisions wrt parenting (but that does not mean I am a helicopter parent, I like to give my kids a lot of personal exploration space).

And I apologise in advance for using the labels "good" and "bad". I am fully aware that these are terms laden with judgment and that IRL there is a history and complex set of circumstances behind each and every person and situation. But for the purposes of this discussion and for simplicity, can you all just get what I mean.

So, I guess I just see so many examples that stick out in my mind of when things don't turn out the way you'd think they should? A very good friend IRL comes from a completely normal, loving family with lovely parents and he is just the nicest, sweetest person ever. But his older brother, hooley dooley, he is just the pits, one of the most revolting people I have ever meet. I guess you can never know everything about the brother's life experiences, and there might be a reason why he is like that, but I suspect that sometimes, there just is no reason at all. It's just the way it is.

And then, other people I know of IRL, and the numerous glimpses of people's stories here on BB, of people that not only had too-strict/too-loose/disinterested parents, but that were actually abused by their parents, horrifically, over years and years, these examples are also stunning. And not only did these people turn out okay, they are some of the most amazing people I have ever met and wonderful, loving, beautiful parents themselves. And in the public eye you can find lots of examples of people from broken beginnings shining through their circumstances and creating an amazing life.

I suppose these are just very strong examples and so I am drawn to them, but actually for the vast majority of the time it is a case of "you reap what you sow" and bad parents end up growing bad children and good parents end up with good ones.

But anyway, all of these examples feed in to why I don't have expectations for my children. Sure, you can do all that you possibly can to reduce the risk, and being a "good" parent is the best thing you could ever do, so in that sense yes, parenting does matter, a lot! But as with life and everything, there are never any guarantees. It's that amazing mix of genes and environment that gives us the diversity that I so appreciate, but that is also so both exhilarating and terrifying.

Any thoughts?