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Thread: dont beleive talking to brother will benefit anything.opinions, similar stories,pls

  1. #19

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    Sue I wasn't going to reply to your thread, but here goes. Firstly no one has attacked you. Some really kind Women have taken time out of their day to offer you helpful support. I hope you can be grateful for that honey. Not one of these women said anything that was less than emotionally intelligent.



    My love there is pain everywhere. Nobody has the franchise on it darling woman. We all get it. We've all travelled some pretty rocky roads - some of us there was no road we had to slash our way through the jungle. You're not talking to Women (&men) who haven't done the hard yakka.

    The difference between you and them (me) is that we can let go. Letting go isn't easy but you said somewhere it's been 28 years... That's one heck of a bag of rocks for anyone to drag about.
    I don't attract people to me any more that are not gorgeous! Or if I do, there is a lesson for me to embrace.

    There is a lesson for us all in every moment - precious. With respect to your humanity - you are missing the point of life. You seem to be hunched over, grey and dark spending masses of Energy recounting each misdemeanor, each painful experience.

    Do a ritual and let it go! Dance in the fire & I promise you won't get burned but you need to let go. Let go. Let go.

    You are holding on to the pain like some hard one war decoration. We've all got those badges - different stories, different traumas but we've got them. So I say this with a gentle, kind voice. But a firm one! We don't take pride in our badges we just see them as a symbol of our life's journey, our struggles, our lessons.

    Your brother is not responsible for your life. You are. You made choices that were yours. You screwed up if you look at it one way... Look at it another & you were offered experiences to grow wings. You're choosing to not grow those wings but to just complain about all the feathers on the ground in front of you.

    We can all fly my love - it's a choice.

  2. #20

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    Default dont beleive talking to brother will benefit anything.opinions, similar stories,pls

    Sue what we are encouraging you to do is to move on from the pain, not to dwell on it, then you may find happiness like your brother has. Holding onto it just causes more pain.

  3. #21

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    Inanna

  4. #22

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    I also want you to know that I truly feel your pain - I can feel it in your words. It's normal to feel pain, it's what is needed to let us know that we need to take action. Make tomorrow a different day. Go to bed tonight and say: "tomorrow is the beginning of a new way of thought". Write out some affirmations... For a whole hour tomorrow you are only to think, say & do positive things. The next day increase it to 2 hours. You've been in this groove of pain for so long it's going to take a lot of work to get out of it. Baby steps. xxx

  5. #23

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    Sue I have to agree with everyone else. Your story is sad, but the majority of other people's are too... That is life! Success is waking up healthy in the morning and finding a reason to smile! Suffering, Trauma, Pain, your most frequent words - I know all about them. My father was killed when I was 11 and my mother commit suicide in front of me when I was 16. I understand life can be heavy but good grief I hate to point out, you will die one day and do you want to know you have wasted your life on THIS? Constantly choosing to live with this "trauma" "pain" and "suffering"?? Are yo going through that situation today?? TODAY did you wake up with running water, sunshine, fresh air to breathe, warm food to eat, a friend or family member who smiled at you, did you go beyond the day without a beating, a life threatening injury or illness, the passing of someone you love?? Then today was a GREAT DAY!! You need to embrace these days, save the pain, trauma and suffering for the days that really deserve it because today could have been WONDERFUL but you've wasted it away with all this pain that no offence, you truly are bringing on yourself now.... You are CHOOSING the trauma, pain and suffering, every single day you wake up breathing you have a choice to make. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you choose to react to it. I bet if you really dig deep, you can pull out the incredibly strong woman you must be to have conquered all these experiences. Channel those lessons Sue, embrace them and the amazing woman they have made you become and don't waste another day of your life thinking that any of that trauma, pain and suffering went to waste.

    "Adversity causes some men to break... And others to break records!!"

  6. #24

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    Quote Originally Posted by AliciaMrsH View Post
    Sue I have to agree with everyone else. Your story is sad, but the majority of other people's are too... That is life! Success is waking up healthy in the morning and finding a reason to smile! Suffering, Trauma, Pain, your most frequent words - I know all about them. My father was killed when I was 11 and my mother commit suicide in front of me when I was 16. I understand life can be heavy but good grief I hate to point out, you will die one day and do you want to know you have wasted your life on THIS? Constantly choosing to live with this "trauma" "pain" and "suffering"?? Are yo going through that situation today?? TODAY did you wake up with running water, sunshine, fresh air to breathe, warm food to eat, a friend or family member who smiled at you, did you go beyond the day without a beating, a life threatening injury or illness, the passing of someone you love?? Then today was a GREAT DAY!! You need to embrace these days, save the pain, trauma and suffering for the days that really deserve it because today could have been WONDERFUL but you've wasted it away with all this pain that no offence, you truly are bringing on yourself now.... You are CHOOSING the trauma, pain and suffering, every single day you wake up breathing you have a choice to make. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you choose to react to it. I bet if you really dig deep, you can pull out the incredibly strong woman you must be to have conquered all these experiences. Channel those lessons Sue, embrace them and the amazing woman they have made you become and don't waste another day of your life thinking that any of that trauma, pain and suffering went to waste.


    "Adversity causes some men to break... And others to break records!!"
    Amazing advice miss

  7. #25

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    Sue I have to agree with everyone else. Your story is sad, but the majority of other people's are too... That is life! Success is waking up healthy in the morning and finding a reason to smile! Suffering, Trauma, Pain, your most frequent words - I know all about them. My father was killed when I was 11 and my mother commit suicide in front of me when I was 16. I understand life can be heavy but good grief I hate to point out, you will die one day and do you want to know you have wasted your life on THIS? Constantly choosing to live with this "trauma" "pain" and "suffering"?? Are yo going through that situation today?? TODAY did you wake up with running water, sunshine, fresh air to breathe, warm food to eat, a friend or family member who smiled at you, did you go beyond the day without a beating, a life threatening injury or illness, the passing of someone you love?? Then today was a GREAT DAY!! You need to embrace these days, save the pain, trauma and suffering for the days that really deserve it because today could have been WONDERFUL but you've wasted it away with all this pain that no offence, you truly are bringing on yourself now.... You are CHOOSING the trauma, pain and suffering, every single day you wake up breathing you have a choice to make. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you choose to react to it. I bet if you really dig deep, you can pull out the incredibly strong woman you must be to have conquered all these experiences. Channel those lessons Sue, embrace them and the amazing woman they have made you become and don't waste another day of your life thinking that any of that trauma, pain and suffering went to waste.


    "Adversity causes some men to break... And others to break records!!"
    Agree with every word!!!! Amazing post

  8. #26

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    Okey dokey, I can see everyone's point of view here.

    Sue, I am currently in a situation where old, old friends have not been very supportive while I have been going through a difficult time. I've been hurt and disappointed and I count myself as a pretty resourceful, self-sufficient person. So I understand the hurt you feel. However, as the others have so wisely said, maybe your brother saw you making bad choice after bad choice, tried to warn you against making those choices and you chose to ignore him. We weren't there, we don't know. But people often do ignore really great advice and if someone was taking no notice of what I said, then I wouldn't feel like helping them financially OR emotionally either.

    But we all have choices. Yours is very simple, it really is. You can either choose to say something to mend bridges. May work, may not. OR you can choose to say that he's hurt you in the past and that you'd rather not see him.

    But the middle ground of not saying anything, maintaining sporadic contact and beating yourself up about whether or not to say anything doesn't appear to be working.

    Good luck making your choice.

  9. #27

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    Sue I read your post when you 1st started this thread and I have read everyones replies. It's taken me this long to reply because I wasn't sure that you'd even listen to what anyone was saying unless it was to support the beliefs that you already have? I do agree with misty and all the other posts but perhaps I can offer you a different angle to look at it from.

    I can understand that your brother has hurt you, that's fine, there will probably be many more people who hurt you or disappoint you in the future. You get to choose if you keep those people in your life. If you choose to keep them in your life without telling them they have hurt you than you can expect them to keep doing what they have always done. If you choose to tell them how their behaviours have effected you and they keep doing those things than you get to decide if you continue to have them in your life.

    I also understand that sometimes it's easier to just avoid a person or thing which reminds you of a traumatic time and I have read that this is why you don't want to see your brother. In most cases that is a healthy thing (why put yourself through more discomfort). You claim to be doing really well other than that and have the resources to live a happy life but speaking to him or seeing him reminds you of that traumatic time in your life. If that really is the case than it's very sad that you will miss out on a relationship with your brother. I agree with other posts that perhaps you can speak to him, who knows you might find out that his life wasn't a bed of roses either and he just didn't have the resources to help you out. Pull you head out of the clouds for 5 minutes and think about someone else like you expect your brother to have thought about you. Some people are really good at 'faking it' I've know plenty of people who have been in debt up to their eye balls, or drug addicts who owe thousands of $$$ but no one even knew they had a drug problem or people going through loads of health problems. To everyone on the 'outside' they look like they are doing really well and living a wonderful life but inside they are living a life of hell, just because they didn't broadcast their tragic story to the world for sympathy or assistance doesn't mean that their story is any less valid. And even if it does turn out that he has been living a wonderful life, so what? For some reason, even if it was just immaturity than for God sake just see that for what it was and FORGIVE him!

    If on the other hand your issue really is with your brother not supporting you financially or emotionally please stop being so selfish. I say this a gently as I can, not everyone on this planet is here to support and nurture you! Even family are not 'required' to support you in any way just because they are family. Why do you think that anyone 'should' do anything for you? People choose to help out for a zillion reasons but should you 'expect' it? No I don't think so. Surround yourself with the friends and family who WANT to help you, because they see the value in the beautiful worthy person that you are. They are the people who deserve your time, energy and attention. I choose a husband who will support me and nurture me, I choose to communicate regularly with the family members who are interested in my life, of those people my brother and sister are not included, for many reasons I am not their priority and like I've said why should I be? Everyone is living their own life.

  10. #28

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    ... are you Francine?

  11. #29

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    Ok, lets try and look at this from another angle.

    I know someone who had a sibling in crisis. This girl bent over backwards to help their sibling. It went on for months, but at the end of it, all that changed was the girls 'cushy' life was in tatters and she had nothing left to give. The siblings situation did not change or get better at any time. It simply financially, mentally and emotionally drained this friend and her family. They are still trying to recover. Their sibling however, once that support was gone has managed to get back on their feet and is taking care of themselves, paying their own way and in a much better place than they were. Sometimes it is better to NOT help them.

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