thanks youve all said helpful things
say something short is a good suggestion

or accept he doesnt understand he is how he is and nothing will help it.

its not a matter of finding peace with it i've tried and continue to try

its a matter that he reminds me of huge trauma and pain and that isnt good for me to be around.
( not there isnt any silly thing like me resenting he didnt suffer i want him to have good
its simply what i said huge pain that he wasnt there for me in any shape or form to give me any sort of level of releif, support, comfort, joy
he could have said here pay a bill, here get a massage, here know that i care,
but to have such a lovely life and not care about a woman and children suffering so much 5 minutes away who is your only sibling...... for 28 years
its a pain i dont know if i will ever recover from and not yet as things are still quite challenging. perhaps one day when they are less challenging the pain will recede but that hasnt come yet despite my efforts to try to feel or look at it differently.

its nothing silly either like wanting to hold onto it.
it just is what it is and it is- trauma for me to be around him and the feelings/memories it raises and i dont need that, i do well without it and dont do well without it,
and ofcourse we all shape our lives i said i was proactive

perhaps he was bewildered, cant relate, was convinced by his wife to not help, i doubt he could have judged something and if he could have then its time to rethink what he judged because anything would not have made sense amongst a woman and children try ing so hard in so many ways against such odds for 28 years and not getting any kindness releif generosity comfort.

its a pain i dont know if it will ever go away . i feel it but focus on other things
but when he invites me thinking i can sip tea and pretend everything is fine when thigns are and have been so very extreme, its not something i can do .

he does the same with my mum
he visits and chats about all the wonderful thigns in his life and doesnt help her at all with the things she is suffering immensely from
and then she goes and puts pressure on me to the point that it could be dangerous for me, while he goes back to his cushy selfish blind life.

i dont want invitations i dont want to see him, i try not to remember and focus on waht i can do and progress in. the pain increases when attention is drawn to it by his invitations.i dont need to be around him it just reminds me of huge pain and trauma. it would have been less painful to not have a brother than to know you have one and he doesn nothing while so much goes on.

there are many stories on tv of husbands who killed their wives.

my ex had investigated that option, however unlike other stories my family would have let it happen instead of fighting for justice and truth. the atrocities that i endured while he lived his very luxurious comfortable fun life is too painful for me to remember that all i went through and yet where was he 5 minutes away while me and my kids suffered so s omuch. where was he for 28 years?



the last person who wroteone was particularly comforting compassionate obviously heard what it is.