You're such an incredible, strong, inspiring woman - and I really do value our friendship.
You are so likeable... so easy to talk to. Never an effort. You're you. And you're just fab.
It makes me sad to think of you feeling so down about yourself
I think what you've done here is very brave, you've put it all on the table and put yourself in a vunerable position. You're going to have replies to this thread coming out of your ears, and I really do think that is a reflection of you and the beautiful friends you have made, and touched - all in such a postive way.
I think it would be great if you could begin a journal, similar to what Lulu mentioned. Write down the things that you love about yourself. Things that you are proud of. Happy memories. Happy thoughts. Then the days when you are down, you can read back on all the amazing things - and realise exactly how rockin' you are.
I too have issewws but couldn't read and not give you these. I think you should add all the things people add to this thread to add to your list, I think you are strong, brave, tough, wickedly funny, loving and caring hun and I hope you can come to a place of accepting who you are and loving yourself for the good and the bad.
I too am taking baby steps but one thing that took me a very LOOONNNNGGG time was not depending on DH for my own sense of acceptance and self-worth. I realised I COULD live without him (I was always one of those people who had one BF after another because I coudn't be alone and clung on tighter than a limpet) Luckily DH stuck around but it took a long time to get to a point where I could let him free and realised I could be alone if I had to, it's just I don't want to because I love his guts. Could be way off but I know for me a wee bit of counselling helped as well chicka.
ETA: In your brutally honest bit, I think it is normal to want people to like us hun, totally and humanly normal. We want love and acceptance and for people to think we are totally cool (which you are by the way!) but you need to be YOU at the end of the day, not someone that you think people want you to be and if people are hurting you you need to stand up and say, this is who I am, like it or lump it and if you are going to walk over me see ya later. Some will take the slap on the wrist and hang about and some will p-off but the ones who stay are the ones worth it anyway.
Last edited by Beach Mama; September 29th, 2010 at 11:45 AM.
I think that making a point of looking at the things you like and stopping yourself from dwelling on the things you don't like helps.
I also think that setting goals and achieving them helps us to feel good about ourselves and giving back to their community works for some people. Planting a vege garden and eating the veges, finishing a short (or long course), volunteering to help out a local organisation or charity - that kind of stuff.
Oohh good point Onyx, when I started sewing last year I felt SO good because I was doing something I love, admittedly for my kids still ( I think it's good to find something for YOU) but that I really enjoy doing, and same now with our new camera. I love learning new things and doing something somewhat selfishly has really helped me as well.
Has some of it been since the kids arrived Mel??? ALot of my issues have been a long time in coming, but since having the kids you do become so selfless and everything to do with us as mums gets put to the backburner. I know I was looking at my leg hair the other day and thought holy heck, when on earth did THAT happen? Yes it is winter and yes it is something minor but pre-kids I looked after me alot more than I do now.
I know that is a really silly example but there are lots of others too that I hope you get what I am talking about (eyebrows and bikini come to mind haha) I think once we DO become a wee bit more selfish with little things that we will take some time out for us ,to go to the gym, get some waxing done, hair done, massage, whatever, you do come to realise that you are worth it and it's those baby steps I mentioned. Blaaahhhh Im not able to say what I think anymore in a coherent manner, hopefully you will get my drift and if not I will be back later after a few more coffees.
Last edited by Beach Mama; September 29th, 2010 at 12:14 PM.
Great thinking Onyx and Tanstar.
I know since I've begun sewing, I've been feeling really good about myself. Learning something new, and achieving a goal (making a dress).
Love the vegie garden idea, it's a shame you're planning on moving soon tho... hmmm
Also love the hair, makeup, massage ideas - something for YOU. Not for anyone else. Be selfish Mel, you deserve it xx
I had gotten to the point where I was avoiding social situations so I could avoid the rejection
Now I have reached the point where i think I have to actively DO something to fix it you know? Like i know what the problem IS, but what then?
Ok, so one thing I was told ages ago by some friends who did a lot of work in that area was to do mirror work. So every morning, you get up & look in the mirror & tell yourself that you love yourself, tell yourself something nice about yourself.
It might not sound like much but the fact was that I couldn't do it. I actually had trouble even looking in the mirror, not just checking my hair or whatever but LOOKING at ME.
Finding the negative dialogue that goes on in your head & re-programming it is another one to try. Even just identifying it & questioning where does it come from...
ATM, for me, I am actively challenging myself - so for example, I am making an effort to face my fear of rejection, see people etc.
I'm going to get going on the other two shortly. I am procrastinating on the mirror stuff cause I find it really hard
Oh Mel! There's so much I want to say, I hope I can get it all down clearly.
I hope you know that I think you're absolutely awesome, because I really do. And you never ever have to worry about hounding me - I always enjoy your company. I'm sure I'd visit you every day if you lived in town - I think you'd be getting sick of me before I got sick of you! :P
You are likeable - one of the most likeable people I know! And I would say that A and E would most definitely agree with me! Why else would we all be begging you not to move back to QLD!?!
And all that history of yours that has affected you - how can you not say you're a strong person to have come out on the other side of all that still(mostly) smiling! Your history will always be part of you, but it doesn't have to be who you are! I've lived the most boring, straight line life - so when I look at your history I'm really in awe - you, my friend, have really lived! Your dad is, to be quite honest, an idiot for not making any effort with you - but it's not about you, it's all him. You've said yourself that your uncles, etc think he's pretty pathetic in that way. DH's dad is the same like that - some parents really just don't try - I don't know why that is, but it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with the kids.
I don't think you're a weak person either. You are one of the most generous and giving people I know, why should that be seen as a weakness? Yes, sometimes generous people get taken advantage of, but the fact that that hasn't stopped you from being so generous and giving is really lovely - you're a pure, good-hearted person Mel, and that's nothing to be ashamed of!
I agree with the others about making sure you do something for you - it's so easy to forget ourselves as mothers. You need to look after you, have fun for the sake of having fun - I think more singstar nights are definitely in order! And writing will help - maybe it's time to start that blog after all?
There's so much more I could say, but basically I just want to say I love ya *mwah*, and I'm here any time you want to talk - any time!!!
Mel big big hugs my girl! Everyone has given such good advice and I know from our little group in particular that we value you as an integral part of our lovebiatchhelpadvicefriend circle...I remember back to when you messaged us and said you knew you didnt fit in as well etc etc and we all went "wtf?" that is what you thought and we PROVED YOU TOTALLY WRONG!!!..
I dont want to hijac your thread but I need to tell you this story so you understand that I do know a bit how you are feeling, not exactly buuutt...
I have the same but with my mum who calls herself "finished with being a parent" that was years ago and our relationship does not exist and we do not acknowledge each other as relatives at all now. From me that is out of protection as I ws beating myself up about why she didnt have a maternal feeling in her body about me.... I used to go to the park and cry and cry and cry and wonder who would ever love me. Then I slept with how many men to try and find someone who would love me forever...never found it until I actually stopped doing that but not before making myself miserable in the process and earning a saucy rep I do blame both my parents for their lack of common normal values as I think they were so selfish in every way throughout both my sisters and my life that we both suffered. She is now a hermit type person with a lot of emotional issues and I am apparently the srong one... Haha it is all a result of throwing away the self worth and trying to make good choices I could be proud of... In essence not being like them.
You are a great mummy and Im sure your dh would say a fabbo wife and Im sure you are working hard to not repeat the cycle that has made you so unhappy. That in itself is the way to get it back in my opinion and girl, you just have to have the faith in yourself that you deserve to feel happy and loved and have good friends.
I hope that made sense. If you feel like talking you know where I am and a whole heap of other ladies who love you..One of which today yo offered your number to because she is having a bad day...UUUMMMMM Nice friend alert!!!
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and thought holy heck, when on earth did THAT happen? Yes it is winter and yes it is something minor but pre-kids I looked after me alot more than I do now. 
And writing will help - maybe it's time to start that blog after all?
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