Oh and Liz I forgot to mention that I totally understand what you mean about the benefits of having someone just "drop round". My FIl used to come and stay with us for a week here and there after my MIL passed away. He is 75 so we would never ask him to babysit but just having him around the house was so settling for the kids... he would sit by their sand pit and listen to their "stories" for hours on end... and gently guide my teen DD toward speaking better with the boys, and not being so cheeky with me... all he had to say was "hey, listen to your mum now" and i would smile inside... it was JUST the ticket!!! It was such a symbiotic relationship... but now he feels too uncomfortable travelling He lives across in Sale (several hours away). He rings me almost once a week for a chat... which is a bit harder for me because the boys tend to play up a bit when i'm on the phone... so i miss this once positive aspect of my village. Oh and FIL had 5 children and was always supportive of having larger families... the more I think about his contribution to the family the more I realise what an asset he has been.