But when I have DD with me - I feel like she is clouding my thoughts and decision making. Does that make sense?
Definately makes sense! And October does seem like miles away. Keep up the me time as much as you can.
I don't suppose DH would look after DD for a weekend so you could go away for a couple of days by yourself??

When you go to stay with your grandparents would they look after DD for a few days so you can be on your own for a while?

It might not seem like it right now but you will come out the other end of this whatever you decide, and feel better!!

I'll be checking in regularly to see how you're going