The role of Godparents?

[{sarah}]

What do you see as the role of Godparents? Not an official, forever if you die sort of thing, just the day to day role. For me, I'd like the Godparents to be involved with the child fairly regularly. Come to visit (if possible), talk to them on the phone, be interested in what's going on in their lives & ply a firly active role in their lives. Kind of like an surrogate aunty/uncle.

The reason I ask is that I'm a bit upset with Zander's godparents at the moment. They haven't seen or spoken to him since New Year's Eve. Admittedly yes they did have their son eight weeks early & he was in hospital for four weeks, but he is now two months old. We have tried several times to get them to come over & gone to visit but they are always too busy. It seems like they can manage to go visit oter people, but not us. The thing that bothers me most is that they didn't ask how Zander's first day of preschool went & haven't said anything about his birthday next Thursday. I found out from another friend this afternoon that they asked her if we were doing anything for it. Can they not call us to ask directly???

Anyway so that's my issue & I wonder if I'm expecting too much of them? Oh and this isn't a new thing since they've had the baby. They came over about once a week for six weeks just befre their wedding because Aaron & Zander were in the bridal party, but since then (May last year) we've seen them probably around eight or nine times. Zander hardly knows who they are, he hides for a while when he sees them which is what he does with strangers *sigh*

[briggsy's girl]

sarah - i think the role of the godparent has different meaning to different people - to me personally, it's very much like you. i am god parent to two of my brother's three kids - and i haven't gone more than a week without seeing them their entire lives (except when they lived in WA - and then it was a phone call every few days). having said that though, other people i know see it as an honorary title, step up for the big things, and not so much for their every day lives. my godparents have had nothing to do with me, or my parents, for most of my lives. one even told me he wasn't my godfather when i seen him one day - until i showed him the certificate he'd signed!

i hope that it's just a bit of a miscommunication between yourselves and Zanders godparents - that maybe they're unsure of not only the chaos in their lives, but how they fit in Zanders life now that things have changed. good luck in getting some answers...

FWIW - DH and i have already decided that our children will each have two sets of god parents - my bro and SIL will be godparents to all of our children - and they will have a second set of non-related god parents as well.

[BellyBelly]

My belief/understanding of them is that they are role models, someone for the children to look up to, and people who would look after them as if they were their own if something were to happen. Thats just me though.

Marisa's godfather wasn't at her Christening and has disappeared off the face of the earth! My sister is her godmother as I didn't have many trusted friends when she was born, we'd just moved into a new area after having our first baby and it was very isolating. My sister was always very loving and caring towards Marisa so it was the logical choice. It's hard!

[Shanti]

Does everybody have godparents for their babies when they are born? We wouldn't have a clue who we would trust enough to ask!! it's hard finding people these days who won't let you down.... I think you're being very fair Sarah, and I would probably feel the same way as you.

[~breeze~]

I feel the same with it should be someone who will be a part of their lives.

DH was raised to believe it has to be a practising Catholic (we were both raised RC but Godparent was obviously different in his family as to mine). He said the role is for if/when we die the child needs someone to raise them as we would as being a practising Catholic, not just mention God now & then IYKWIM. I do understand what he's saying but how many Catholics attend church every week? We do (unless I stay home with DD if she's too unsettled etc) but I think most people don't anymore... I could be wrong though. Because of this we are finding it hard to choose for our next baby. I've suggested his brother (My BIL) & his wife but he said they aren't practising Catholics & SIL isn't even Catholic at all.

I think it's more important to have someone who will be a part of the childs life, that way if something did happen to the parents the Godparents would be "family" for them, not strangers who turn up once the parents are gone IYKWIM. That was prob described badly but I'm sure you know what I mean...

We were lucky with choosing DD's Godparents as they attend church every week with us, they even sit in front of us each week haha. We got to know them & became very close. They see Brianna all the time, every birthday etc aswell & ontop of that we also have the Practising Catholic part aswell. Too bad this time round is so much harder!!

[Naomi]

Sarah, we have the same problem with all of the godparents for our boys.
We took forever choosing the right ones for each of them and we never see them, they never call to see how they are, when we get together it's because we ring them, we've just given up unfortunately.

[feeb]

My parents have to have the worst tracke record for picking dudd god parents!!!

I am one of 3 and none of us have anything to do with our god parents!!

Mine is dads brother and his wife and we havent heard for them in like 21 years!

[Astrid]

Just wondering does anyone ever discuss their views on what a godparent means to them before asking them to be one? I just remember my SIL using is as a power play eg "you were going to be a godparent, but now you not because you did something to annoy me", so for her it was just a bargaining chip, an honorary title to be bestowed on whoever was in her favour at that moment. For me though I was thankful to not be a godparent, as I always thought that being a godparent was something important and not something as the age of 20 I was willing to commit to. I was coping it enough from my brother for not being a good enough aunt, he had expectations of what an aunt should be which were different to mine. May those who agree to be godparents are just seeing it as an honorary title?

[Naomi]

We discussed it all with them when we asked them, in my view it is an important role and should not be taken lightly.
We discussed it a couple of more times before each christening too, just to make sure.

[Rouge]

I see godparents in a similar light to you.

We actually have "godparents day" on Sundays (when we are all free) and Paris & Seth's godparents come over spend some time with the kids, share a meal (they are vegetarian so we all enjoy a vegetarian meal) then they go to bed and we spend some adult time together before they go home.

I really couldn't ask for better godparents they are awesome. They have been a big part of their lives always, they spoil them rotten (not that that is a pre-requisit) and they have special rituals they take part in with the kids (like a special "unbirthday" present for the other child who is not celebrating a birthday). They have attended birthdays, holidays (we always have a special christmas gathering regardless of other commitments), concerts and all sorts of things. They are actually spending the night at Easter so they can take part in the easter morning celebrations (I think they are big kids at heart and get a big kick out of that stuff). Yes they are also there as spiritual guides but mostly I see them as "life guides". Paris' godfather takes a great interest in Paris' guitar playing and when Seth has his own interests I'm sure they will share in that too. I am lucky in that they don't have kids so they have their entire attention to give to mine, but they have said even if they did have kids they would still act the same way. The biggest thing for me is they are consistant, there isn't hot & cold with attention, they follow through with our parenting boundaries and they shower them with love and affection. Recently they asked when Paris could have her first sleep over as they have a room set up for such an occasion.

But I did have problems with godparents (others we had chosen as well as the aforementioned) in the past, and we had a mutual resignation with one, and pretty much abandonment of another because this person was jealous of the attention given by the aforementioned godparents. So when we made it official they didn't attend.

As my kids were baptised in a Catholic church we needed Catholic godparents (as well as our chosen non Catholic godparents) and we chose family mothers (Marc's siblings as the Catholic godparents). But the aforementioned godparents (non relatives) are the ones they have most to do with (not that the others don't care its more to do with distance and I think they see themselves as primarily aunts/uncles).

So I guess I would be upset too (as I was with 2 others we had chosen) but you know what there is always going to be people in his life that love him, and he already has surrogate godparents by proxy But it still doesn't take away the hurt and expectations.

[smiles4u]

Hi SARAH,

... If it makes you feel any better, my 22mth old daughter has NOT had a single relative (grandparents, uncles, aunties, etc ... from both sides of the family) come visit her since her 1st birthday party back in May last year

*** Both my sisters have NOT visited her in our home since she was 4weeks old ... And my daughter's middle name is after my younger sister whom has chosen to have NOTHING to do with my gorgeous daughter ... Heartbreaking seeing she could possibly be my only child

So sad , ... She is such a beautiful & loving little girl

AND to think they all live in the same state as us, as you probably wouldn't think so

Only advise I can give you SARAH ironically my younger sister once told me years ago is that " PEOPLE CAN DISAPPOINT YOU "

[{sarah}]

Good point Astrid, we didn't really discuss it, so maybe I am expecting too much. It's just we have lots of friends that go out of their way to visit Zander each week & it seems like something his Godparents should be doing. There are others interstate that he loves to death even though he only ever talks to them on the phone occassionally (and they will be bubby's godparents).

[melham74]

Sarah I feel much the same as you.
DD, DS1 and DS2 all have relatives for Godparents and the ones on my side of the family are pretty good. DS3 on the otherhand has my best freind, her hubby and daughter as well as BIL so 2 godmums and 2 godfathers, when he was born and I guess right up until Christmas they were around him all the time, they only live 2 mins drive or 10 mins walk away, thats not to say they havent seen him because they have just not been so interested in him iykwim. I can understand to a certain piont they lost their little angel to sids in Feb she was only a month old, since then they havent seen him at all, they do ask how he is though. BUT what really gets to me is that we have another friend with a little girl who is 5 mnths old and they go to her house but wont come here, I thought it would be harder to see her considering theur baby was a girl as well, and I get the feeling that Cooper is nothing to them, It is his 1st Birthday at the end of the month and I am going to tell them we are having a small party but dont feel obligated to attend but I will pick their other kids up and bring them here for his party, but am guessing they wont be here, just really upsets me they can make time for another child but not thier God son. Sorry to turn this into my rant I just really understand where you are comming from.

[~breeze~]

In regards to discussing beforehand...

Our church had a "seminar night" I guess you could call it, to discuss the role of Godparents. To be honest I didn't listen much as I was looking after DD who was very tired etc (tsk tsk I know!)

When we booked in our Christening we were given the dates of these seminar nights & we had to choose one & put our names down so they didnt get too many people the one night.

It's a good idea for the religious side of it (LOL @ "religious side", they're called GODparents, theres nothing non-religious about that haha)

[Rouge]

It's a good idea for the religious side of it (LOL @ "religious side", they're called GODparents, theres nothing non-religious about that haha)

If we could have aptly named them life guides we would have. I do however think there is more to godparents than religion.

[~breeze~]

If we could have aptly named them life guides we would have. I do however think there is more to godparents than religion.

I'm not saying it's all about religion, the name Godparents is a religious name. I didnt even think non-religious people Christened their children & gave them Godparents? I was just commenting on the name....

As I said in my first post, I think it's more important to have a Godparent who is a part of the childs life over someone who is chosen just for the Religious side of it.

I don't have a problem with non-religious people having as you call it "life guides", I think it's a wonderful idea.

[Visitor9]

When we chose Eliza's Godparents we ended up sitting down with the two people and in asking them, put it all on the table what we would "like" them to do as Godparents. These 2 people are the most compassionate and both have beautiful souls we could ever come across Qualities that if Eliza develops I will be a happy mummy.
As it has eventuated one who lives closer is in her life all the time and treats her as one of her own and the other who lives further away is wonderful in other ways including taking her on family holidays.
Our Godparents are both ladies whom I aspire to be like and although they are guiding Eliza they often teach me ways.
Bec
I had a friend who presumed she would be godparent but certainly does not have any of the above qualities we often laugh as the only spiritual advising would be Gin or Vodka

[Mez80]

I too believe that the role of a God parent is a very important one and am at the other end of the stick. DH and I were chosen to be god parents to our beautiful God daugther in 2002. Just after her frist birthday they started becoming very 'busy'. We had since moved to the ACT but were in sydney twice a month and always rang to pop over as we were such good friends. DH and I dont know why they decided to block us out of their lives but to this day i still think about out little God daughter and wish we could be a part of her life. They can always find us if they want to so hopefully they do one day.It just feels so wrong.