thread: Single Parenting and custody issues

  1. #1
    kerry Guest

    Single Parenting and custody issues

    Hi, I am fairly sure I am going to be a single mum having just split from my DP. In all honesty this is probably the best option for me and my little Big Foot (once he or she is born) but the whole thing is daunting. The following is fairly depressing and for this I appologise but I need help or at least advice.

    First.. Should I have someone at the birth? I don't think I need anyone but then I wouldn't know. There is no way on earth I would or could have my mum and I'm not really close enough to anyone to fell comfortable sharing this experience. This said I have been told by my specialists that there is a higher than normal possibility that I may not survive the pg/birth due to kidney disease and the potential for kidney failure. Should I have someone else there incase this does happen so my baby has at least someone to hold them and doesn't enter a world of strangers and all alone?

    Second.. If something does happen to me does my XDP automatically get custody? This would be a horrible thing for my child as the man can't even take care of himself and is just as likely to forgo formula and nappies for alcohol? Is it possible for my family to get custody or does the fact that he is the biological parent overshadow the fact that he lacks the emotion, finances or maturity to raise a child.

    I am thinking of seeing a family lawyer (an expense I really don't need) to find out where my baby stands if things don't work out with my health.

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Feb 2004

    Firstly I am sorry that you have to go through this, not an easy time. I would suggest having someone at the birth, I think you will need someone there to support you and your wishes if need be.

    I'm not sure about the custody thing, seeing a family lawyer is a good idea to work out your options. I thing I will say is make sure you have a will!

    I so hope it won't come to that - good luck for everything.

  3. #3
    Melinda Guest

    Oh Kerry, I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through ATM. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you.

    If it's going to be a stretch on the budget to go and see a private solicitor, then perhaps go to Legal Aid or your local Community Legal Service (or at least give them a call). They should be able to give you some advice and let you know if you qualify for their assistance should it be needed. I definitely think it's something you should do, if you have concerns about the ability of your ex to care for the baby. I'm not an expert in this area, but being the baby's next of kin, I would have thought that your ex would automatically gain custody. So this makes it even more important to speak to someone now about your concerns, should the worst happen. You should also consider updating your will, or creating one if you haven't got one already. A lot of people forget this aspect of things when they are separating and I am sure you may want to specify certain things for your child etc.

    Good luck Kerry.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Mar 2005

    Honey Im so very sorry.

    1st off, can I suggest you have someone at the birth, for the reasons you have stated.

    2ndly, if you are worried about DP and his shall we say lack of responsibility and maturity, console a lawyer and question it about having it put in your will that baby goes to whoever, due to the exact reasons stipulated, and see what they say!

    3rdly good luck sweetie and if you wanna talk I am here for you as Im sure all the BB girls would be.

    Hugh massive hugs for you, sorry little icons didnt work-bugger.xx

  5. #5
    kerry Guest

    NHJ - Rang up a family lawyer and basically if i dye when bubs is born the DH-DP automatically gets custody. All I can do is have a will that the hospital are aware of that states who I want to be legal guardians and why then hope they pass the issue on to DOCS.

    However the lawyer did say if he doesn't know the baby has been born and my parents (or next of kin) register the birth with "father unknown" then he has about 2 months to proove he is the father in which time my olds have custody. Not sure if they would do this but will ask in a few days (don't want to spoil my dad's birthday).

    I asked one of my friends if she would be there for the birth (just incase) and she said yes so thats one less issue.

    OK will get a wll kit and start organising things now for a will.

    Thanks everyone for all your support and advice. At least I don't feel so much like I am making the wrong decision or that I'm an awful mum, and believe me thats how I have been feeling.

  6. #6
    Melinda Guest


    Try not to be too hard on have got a lot on your plate and this must have been a very difficult decision for you to make. We are here to support you in whatever way we can. Please don't think you are being a bad Mum - you are doing what you believe is best for you and your little one.

    Good luck.

  7. #7

    Nov 2004

    Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you at this time. Coming up to the birth of your child is hard enough as it is, but with all the added stress you ar egoing through... If you need to talk, or vent, or ANYTHING whatsoever, please dont hesitate to email or something. Remember all us BB girls are here for you

  8. #8
    Colleen Guest


    Sooo sorry to hear about the rough time you must be having *hugs* to you.

    What a daunting thing to have to think about but well thought about. Its best to have a will as soon as possible.

    I really am thinking of you and please feel free to email or pm me for a chat... Im not sure how much help Id be but I have a cryable shoulder if you need it


  9. #9
    Registered User

    Jul 2005


    Can I just caution against getting a will kit as when you have children things get complex. In Qld the Public Trust Office does them for free but make sure you don't nominate them as the executer of your will as they will charge big fees. Nominate someone you trust like your dad he should make sure your wishes are carried out for free. Check and see if the Public Trust Office offers this service in your state or otherwise I would pay the money to get a lawyer to do it properly. I feel that will kits could be contestable and you might not include some important things but just my humble opinion.

    If you will all your assets to your child, then you need to state the age we said 25 for our kids for your child to access the assets. You also need to nominate trustees to make financial and investment decisions in regards to your assets on behalf of your child till age 18. You can choose more than one and again they have to be people you trust implicity and it would be handy if they had some financial knowledge. Even if you don't have a lot this is still worth doing.

    The other big thing with a will is you should elect a power of attorney to make decisions for you if you are in a coma or vegetative state otherwise the Government will make decisions for. I would not like the Govt making decisions for me about my health.

    Hopefully you will be kicking for many years to come but it is important to get your will done properly otherwise you could leave a mess behind.

    Hope you don't mind me sticking my nose in.

  10. #10
    kerry Guest

    OMG at the will stuff elfin.

    I did a will kit will and have a few copies with people and I had already sorted out an executor (and a back up too as he is a bit old and sick) but I had not thought about the contestability of a will kit.

    I will contact the Public Trust office and see if we have a similar service or go and see a lawyer.

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Jul 2005

    Kerry I hope I didn't freak you out. It wasn't my intention but it is just when you have kids, wills can be a bit more complex and you wouldn't want to leave behind a problem. I didn't realise this until I did one myself.