I think I'd have probably quietly left at the first infraction, or I'd have maybe not even gone at all.

You can't change the way other people behave, you can only set your own boundaries. You don't *have* to give the baby to anyone - if it mucks up plans such as photos, then it is down to your MIL, not you. And if you aren't willing to wear the fallout from your decisions to set boundaries, then that becomes an issue with you, not your ILs. (I mean that nicer than it sounds! I have similar issues with my very well meaning but sometimes quite misguided ILs.)

You've used the banging your head against a brick wall smiley - I've always had the motto that at some point, banging your head against a brick wall becomes self abuse