I have not experienced DV, but my dearest friend suffered it at the hands of my BIL. Back in the day we were a happy foursome, us girls and the brothers together. She used to tell me things like arguments they had etc, and I would say "just tell him that it's not acceptable" and she would just say she couldn't and that he wouldn't listen anyway. I could never understand why she couldn't just talk to him about how she was feeling. It wasn't until a couple of years later and a son together that she told me of the emotional abuse and occasionally physical abuse. He tried to make her turn on her family and then tried to make her move interstate. Lucky she saw what he was doing and with the help of us girls, she got the courage to leave.
But she still lives in fear that he will come to her house and tear things up. He smashed up her car, cheated on her and controlled her. It's very awkward because he is my family now, but my DH knows the circumstances and does not question why I choose to have nothing to do with his brother. They are always fighting too because he tries to pull the same emotional abuse on his family as well.
I can't say i am surprised because their father used to beat their mum, she left when Dh was about 8 years old. Some of the stories she has told me send shivers down my spine. And you know the saddest thing-BIL HATES his father with a passion because of what he did to his mother, like he is blind to the fact that he is exactly the same.
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