I know everyone that has suffered abuse feels differently about things but from a personal point of view, I felt differently about the whole birth and breastfeeding process. I think it has something to do with me letting my body be used as it was intended and nurture a baby, not as an amusement parlor.

I found breastfeeding to be an incredible healing process for me. I went into it kind of not fussed if I b/f or not. Once I'd had my first bub I felt totally different and welcomed help from the midwives to help him latch on and teach me how to express by hand.

Find out if your hospital has a counsellor and if they can talk to you about this stuff. It might help