Yeah my mum's subtler grudge-bearing was not something i'd ever use. It was incredibly effective but it did put distance between us - i should clarify it was a tactic she used on us as teenagers, not as little kids. I think i was 11 the first time she did it. My "golden-boy" brother told a lie to her that i'd been bullying my cousin (who in fact i got on great with - my brother said it because i wouldn't lend him my walkman - he was "into" electronics and had already dismantled his own and he had no respect for me or my stuff anyway) and she screamed at me that she'd never been so disappointed in me in her life (i had no idea what she was on about) and then for 8 days only said "yes" or "no" to me and wouldn't look at me at all. I have to admit, that was one of the biggest traumas of my childhood and that clear-cut attitude that he was good and i was bad and any lie he told her about me must be the truth was one of the reasons i nver told her i was being abused until years after it stopped (though she just pretended it hadn't happened outwardly and phoned me often to tell me i needed to call my abuser and say i forgive him because "I'm worried about him! He's depressed!". I'd never do that to DD. I avert my eyes when i can see she's doing something slightly naughty to see if i'll react - i generally remove whatever it is from her without comment or engagement, then engage a moment later with a distraction. Mum undoubtedly took it far too far.
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