Its a pity everybody missed the bit in my post where I said that I wanted to go back to work for me but that because I felt it was better for my children that they had me at home that is what I am and will continue to do.

I agree that it can be used too much Trillian but that doesn't mean there isn't a place for it - and that is my point. For instance, there was a BB member recently who posted about a particular problem she was having (and yes, this is going to stay vague. If the member recognises who she is and wants to join in then fine). She was torn between what to do. My view is that in her particular situation as a stressed, tired, strung out mum she should do what she needed to do for her own good. This was on the basis that neither of the two options she was deciding between were detrimental to her child. Unfortunately other posters gave the poor woman a good guilt trip for even considering one of the options. That was not what she needed (as her PM to me proved). She needed support. Sometimes we just need to hear that it is ok to think of ourselves as well. Sometimes just knowing that is enough to get us through whatever trial we are facing and get on with it again. I'm not for a second giving anyone the right to neglect their child for their own happiness, but if some naff little saying like happy mummy = happy baby gets us through a bad day then so what?

As far as I'm concerned a good mother can't be happy unless her child is happy. So, if a mother does something that makes her life happier, more fulfilled, more whatever then it can only be for the greater good of the whole family.

Liz - I don't want this thread to denegrate. I don't think that you need both but it would really be nice to get a balance (something which I accept is not possible at this stage of my children's lives). I am not intellectually fulfilled by my daughters and I really don't believe anyone who says that they are - an 8 month old and a 20 month old while keeping me totally entranced and engaged cannot keep me intellectually stimulated. Otherwise, the suitability ages on the games would be a whole lot higher than 12 months Neither do I believe that just because you miss something else you aren't 100% focused on what you are doing - anyone who say me with my daughters would support me in that. It would be a pretty sad world if none of us hoped or aspired for something extra in our lives.