DD1 has just turned 4 and we have only had ok bedtimes for about the last 3/4 months. We tried a sticker chart and in the end she told me she wasn't fussed about the reward as she just wanted someone with her, which at the time did my head in. We also have a nice aquarium lamp and a night light for her also. She is quite a clingy kid and still often jumps in bed at night too. We try to have an early dinner and then have a lot of quiet time before bed happens as she seems to need quite a lot of winding down. So we dinner about 5-5.30 and then TV off and noise level down so I turn off music etc. Bath time then a play and books on the couch before bed. Into bed about 7 after toilet/teeth and then DH and I both read 1 book. Initially I had to stay in until she fell asleep and creep out....however that has improved heaps and we are now able to leave her with the doors open and say we'll check back on her. She often falls asleep in 10 mins or so.
It feels like this has taken years and to be honest I think it has had more to do with her than anything we have done. Not much help but I feel your pain! xx