Maya, when you say you can be DS's friend, do you mean you two will be friends or you will be a friend to him? I think that's where the confusion is coming from. Because there is a difference (for me anyway) between YOU "supporting empowering nurturing" DS and expecting him to do the same back for you.

for you Ryn, the more i read about your teens, the more i want to nick DP's car and drive down just to hug you and then come home again (if i had 10 hours worth of childcare and was insured i'd do it)! I get exactly what you mean. My mum was actually great at just being a mum until i was a young adult - no 17 year old needs to hear how many ways their dad leaves your mum wanting, or burdened with the guilt of knowing your mum is unhappy when there's nothing YOU can do about it. But now i am a parent myself, having never never imposed that burden on me before i was able to carry it, my dad and i are really friends now. He is my confidant and i am his. We have moved beyond parent/child, and it is very valuable to me, he is among my best friends. But i would not attempt to have that with my kid before DD has had children of her own, and even then, if she has them at 16 i'll be moving that goalpost.

Bx