So how do I teach consequences? Can I teach that every action has an equal and opposite reaction? Yes. I can teach DS that if he does ABC then XYZ happens. And he can see that's logical - if he pushes a train, it moves. If he pulls the light cord in the bathroom, the light comes on. Push the buzzer and the bell rings. Hit Mammy and she stops cuddling you. Those are all logical reactions.
this is i think what i need to remember the most!

on our way to church this morning DS says "mummy, your my friend!" and my responce was "thankyou i would love you to be your friend but im also your mummy so that means i have an extra job to look after you and our family"
he pondered this for a minute and then said"mummy i have 2 friends" and i said "do you? who are they?"
"you and daddy"

so i think you can be a friend and a parent