so for me that I am clearer about showing emotions and empathy, I think if I have this correct that what Maya, Hoobley and olive'smummy are trying to say is that you aren't showing an emotion that you aren't already feeling just maybe exagerating it so that they understand the full impact of thier actions - similar to when you are teaching them to say some sounds, you exagerate those sounds etc...

I agree with Maya that I don't think being a mother and friend is mutually exclusive, in saying that I don't think it is fair for me as a mother to put my issues onto DS so I wouldn't put his dad down in front of him or say my financial worries etc... but hope that I build a relationship with DS so that he can feel secure that he can come and discuss almost anything with me so that would be my friend hat and my mum hat would be teaching him to be a good human, being respectful and setting boundaries etc... RH I think your mum was wrong to dump her stuff on her and it is hard cause this is such a fine line.

Now I am going (with Doudou's permission) to go onto discipline with smacking. Before I go on I want to say I don't want to start a debate about whether it is o.k or not, I also understand there are different levels of smacking (from a smack on the hand for something dangerous to a belting etc...) and everyone can choose what is acceptable to them. For me I don't want to smack and believe in a more gentler way of parenting (this is my choice) and I am struggling with how things are done in my family becuase often it is so ingrained that I have to conciously stop what I am doing and struggle with alternative ways of dealing with it so your advice/discussion is appreciated.

In our family it is the "stop what you are doing cause of xyz and if you don't I will count to 3 and you will get a smack/go to your room"
Now I have a few problems with this, first of all the reason is often cause it is naughty or you've been told a hundred times you can't do that etc... and I really don't feel comfortable with that. Sometimes I feel that we as parents can be lazy and instead of removing the child from the problem we expect them to stop doing it cause we say so and if they don't we smack them or give them time out.
So is a better way of handling this to give them a 3 chances warning but the consequence being I am going to remove you? and then distract them? cause this is what I have been trying to do but have come across a few problems. EG at PIL's they have a flat screen telly which is right at DS height and he is so quick now that I don't have time to do my 3 warning chance and he is there already (& yes I know he is a little young so should I be doing something differently) so I have just been telling him stop stay away from the telly and then when he gets there removing him and distracting him.
So another problem I have with that is how do you decide on the consequence, I get that we should explain how it impacts on us and makes us feel but is there anything else that should be done cause I really don't like the naughty corner cause I think that concentrates too much on the bad behavour. Is it a case of recogniseing all behavious so there is praise for the good behavious as well.

Hope this rambling makes sense and thanks for reading....