What would you say?

[Butterfly Child]

What would you say to someone who said co-sleeping with your bub leads to them not knowing how to go to sleep by themselves?

I have been cosleeping with dd for 6mnths now during the night, it has been working up untill a few weeks ago now she keeps waking and geting unsettled etc. im just feeling disheartened as my mum has been saying she shouldnt be sleeping in her cot etc or 'all my kids slept in there cots' blah blahblah.. i just got really upset because i feel like im doing the wrong thing.

Not last nite but the night before i tried puting her in her cot, and i must admit i did it and she was really good put her down at 6 slept till 11 then woke again at 3 for a feed then woke 7am the next day without much fuss. It was great but last nite wasnt so easy let her cry for a bit, and went on to try to distract myself for a few minutes from DD crying and saw that my mum had gotten her out of bed...

im really annoyed as im trying hard to get her to sleep in her own cot after her telling me i shouldnt be sleeping with her blah blah i just dont no what to do, i ended up sleeping with her last nite cuz i was so tired and mum just ruined any progres i thought i had made this probably more of a vent more than anything but what would all u co sleeping mummys say if someone said co-sleeping with your bub leads to them not knowing how to go to sleep by themselves? do u think its true?

[YoYo]

Do you see any adults still sleeping with their Mums?

There's your answer

[Butterfly Child]

lol i think i just confused myself too( very tired here lol) no i mean like making it harder for them to be able to go to sleep without you there, like in a cot for example.

Am i making any sense yet lol

[Butterfly Child]

Thanks leash im just finding it hard atm i have someone saying i shouldnt do this shouldnt do that and im just at a loss with even knowing if wat im doing is right

[YoYo]

I was also an un-intentional co-sleeper....I figured out that my DS HATED his cot with a passion (as did I, so my Mum tells me). Not until I put him into a BED did things change. Initially i took the rails off his cot, then transitioned into a bigger bed. DS was about 21 months when he started sleeping through the night going to sleep on his own and in his own bed. It was a slow transition of me staying till he fell asleep till eventually saying goodnight and leaving him to roll around and play with what seems like 18 dummies!

Co-sleeping didn't harm him, or make any transition harder. You just have to roll with it sometimes. What worked for your Mum might not work for you. So just tell her that you are doing what you feel is right for you and your DD and not to interfere.

[Toomanytoomany]

Thanks leash im just finding it hard atm i have someone saying i shouldnt do this shouldnt do that and im just at a loss with even knowing if wat im doing is right

I don't think there is really a wrong or a right in this... just what you feel works best for you and your baby, and you are the person who has the final say in that.

[Indadhanu]

Hmm. Well, like I said, Jazz doesn't put herself to sleep. i either have to feed her, or one of us rocks her or pats her. She'll also go to sleep if one of us is next to her, which we'll do if she has a bad night or soemthing.

I guess... if someone said to me right now "thats because you co-sleep", I'd probably just say... well, co-sleeping gave her almost 14 months (plus we still bring her into our bed if she needs us) off loving comfort, security, and knowing we were always close... if the trade off is that she doesn't put herself to sleep... I'll take co-sleeping any day. No, i wasn't willing to let her CIO in any way shape or form just so she could 'learn' how to 'self-settle'. Jazz knows security, not abandonment.

[Indadhanu]

That they don't know what they're talking about. Evidence shows that babies who co-sleep feel more secure, and make the transition to independant sleeping easier.

We've had that experience, we moved Jazz to her own room on the weekend, and the first night was a bit up and down, but shes back into her sleep pattern now, one wake-up and sleeps soundly. We've done some form or another of co-sleeping since birth, most recently its been bring her into our bed after her night feed, but now we put her in her own bed, in her own room, and she is fine.

She DOESNT put herself to sleep though, unless she's exhausted, but I'm at peace with that. I'd rather feed her to sleep peacefully than let her cry. She'll learn eventually. As with EVERYthing else, she does it in her own time. Your DD will get there. In reality, she's been in this world gfor less time than it took to make her, so really, when you look at it like that, of COURSE she still needs to be near you KWIM? She's really still transitioning to this world, and if co-sleeping is what gives you both comfort for now then, why not? Ignore anyone else, and listen to you and your daughters needs

[Ozziehoffy]

That they don't know what they're talking about. Evidence shows that babies who co-sleep feel more secure, and make the transition to independant sleeping easier.

I definitely think that there is something to be said for co sleeping and attachment parenting in making the little ones feel that security and therefore independance as they don't feel "alone". Oskar has just almost 2 weeks ago "flown the coup" lol. He moved himself out of his cot which is next to my bed in our room into his own room and a bed all in 48 hours! He will be 2 1/2 tomorrow and from the day he was born had slept either with me or right next to me in his hammock or cot. He seems to be very sure of himself and was adamant he wanted to sleep in the new bed (which had been set up for months) and I think he's probably sleeping better now. Now I have Elijah moved into the cot out of the hammock NEXT to me - could be another 2 years lol.

You do what feels right for you both, that's the best approach in my opinion. I had plenty of comments about Oskar still sleeping in our room when he was 21 and my mother would make raised eyebrow comments but I just smiled and said WE like it how it is thanks.

[smiles4u]

... i just wanted to add why would any Mother not want their child at 21 to hop into their bed & still have a cuddle ... what an absolutely BEAUTIFUL way of affection & for them to give us as a parent something they ' get it ' that we would miss if we were never ever to have it again.

Hope my DD hops in my bed for a cuddle when she is 21 i couldn't think of any feeling more warm & fuzzy ... and if there is room for her to have a sleep with me WHY NOT on the occasion (just means her Dad will have to go on the couch, no room for ' 3 ' of us by then , LOL) !!!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

21? I'm quite a bit older than that and my mum jumps into my bed for a cuddle some mornings when I'm staying with her! We have DS in there too.

Nowt wrong with three generations all sleeping in the same bed.

[kirsty_lee]

Well, firstly your mum needs to back off I think. And you do what YOU are comfortable with and what YOU want to do babe, she's your daughter. With regards to cosleeping, dp and I ended up being un-intentional co sleepers. Ava has never been a good sleeper through the night and so dp would just get up and bring her to bed with us when she was teethign REALLY bad. And then it became habit. Getting her to go to sleep in her own bed now is chaos. Because she knows all she has to do is wake during the night and start crying and she gets to sleep with mummy and daddy. But that's just OUR situation it doesn't mean that all co sleeping ends up as that kwim?

[Mak]

It is a pesonal choice -as for what to say depends on how you feel. To people who are just going to give me their opinion/ideas rather than have a discussion I usually say - Thanks, that is interesting/a good idea.....insert other positive but non committal response, with no intention of following through. It may seem like giving in but honestly sometimes these people just want you to acknowledge them and their experience. If someone is interested in how things work and has some hints/ideas rather than judgements then I would perhaps flesh things out further - generally though these are people who share the same ideas or who I know will be supportive no matter what.
DD1 is a shocking sleeper - still at 3. We never really coslept. DD2 has coslept pretty much since birth and she has just transitioned to a cot recently - as it would appear we were keeping her awake, lol. She is a fabulous sleeper and a really settled baby - but that could just be her personality!
All bubs are different - all families have different needs and ideas. You should do what suits you both best - honestly I wish I had ignored all the 'helpful' comments with DD1 and trusted my instincts. You are doing a great job!!!

[Jennifer13]

I'd love to see their evidence for co-sleeping leading to a baby/child not knowing how to put themselves to sleep. By that analogy, should we not put them in nappies, in case they never learn to use the toilet? Or how about breast or bottle feeding them - how will they ever learn to feed themselves??!

Load of rubbish, spouting a line that most likely validates their reasons for not choosing co-sleeping.

Like all developmental things, babies make the transition from being babies, who need constant care, attention, feeding and cuddling, to being children who won't even wave goodbye when you drop them at preschool in so little time!

Co-sleeping will not impact whether or not your child will learn to sleep on their own, although it might affect when they do so and their emotional response as a result.

(I should add that I write this as a mother who has never fully co-slept with her baby!)

[Lady-bug]

If people ask us when we will be moving DS out of our room, we simply say, hopefully before he is 15. Then just change the subject. It rarely comes back up in conversation.

[Trillian]

Does anyone really need to know in the first place? If it comes up I wouldn't say anything simply because it's none of their business - just as the way their child sleeps isn't really any of your business either kwim? It's not something you should 'hide' by not saying anything, but I would just shrug it off - you have to do whatever it is that gives both of you the max amount of sleep you can get - for some that will be co-sleeping and for others it will be cot sleeping because not all babies will do what you want them to do because they don't read parenting books

We actually have our youngest back in our room in his cot because he sleeps better in our room than he did in with his brother and I don't know when we will move him back. He wont have a bar of cosleeping anymore so I don't push the issue because there is no point.

[sas85]

I'd probably ask them if they always stereo-type.

Yes, continually aiding a baby to sleep CAN lead to a dependency and that baby not being able to put themselves to sleep (until they are much older and can obviously be told and understand) or wake between sleep cycles wanting what it was that put them to sleep in the first place - but if you are happy to co-sleep still under those circumstances then that's your choice.

Bub having said that, lots of baby's can be fed, rocked, co-slept whatever to sleep and stay asleep and not have any of those problems so you can't just uniformly say that your baby will be one of that will experience those kinds of sleep issue and if they do, you can always deal with it then.

FWIW - I think the biggest problem is more your Mum's not supporting your parenting decisions - whatever way you go consistency is a key and your support people need to follow your lead.

We don't co-sleep here though - DD claws at my face and giggles and wants to play and does wake between sleep cycles whereas she doesn't in her cot where she feels secure, knows I will come and get her if she needs me and has a little comforter bear - different things work for different people.