Meow - I knew it was a natural pain, but that didn't stop me begging for drugs and telling them I just wanted it to stop. My contractions were right on top of each other for hours, and I dunno - I just wanted it to end. And I didn't expect it to be like that. I didn't have any interventions or anything either, and to look back at my birth it was pretty much perfect, I was left on my own with DH to work through them (which I didn't really like, a bit of instruction would have been nice I think on how to deal with them - I only received advice whilst pushing and that was to not push but breathe through it, and I couldnt' even do that, my body just pushed her out without me doing anything.. LOL)
So it wasn't even that I had a traumatic birth, or that it was full of interventions or scary parts, cos it wasn't, its just the pain that I need to get a handle on. Maybe I feel like this because I always thought I was a bit of a tough person, like if I get pain anywhere else (I have dislocated my knees a few times) I just punch the floor or something to get through it, or breathe through it, but for some reason, the pain of contractions just got to me, they were far more intense than anything else I have ever felt, and I screamed through probably an hour of the labour.. which I hate admitting that I did it, because it just feels weak to me.. you know? I dunno, I guess I thought I would be tougher, and I am disappointed in myself, and I don't want to feel that again, which is probably why I fear this time around - who wants to disappoint themselves for a second time?
Does any of this make sense? I'm just typing as I'm thinking, so its probably all over the place.
Tegam - I know you are trying to help Although I could kill you cos you say you feel no pain.. LOL
I found contractions were fine, but I was scared during pushing and that made it hurt more. I found the more I could loose myself in the pain the better...so stomping feet and embracing it. Fear is a massive part if pain in labour I think because your concious brain is trying to rationalize it out for you...but there is no space for a concious brain in labour. It all has to be that primal space entirely of your body...
I too feel more fear I think having gone through labour. For me it was easier to trust when I had no idea... Itms?
See I had hardly any pain during pushing - except for the stinging part at the top of the exit And that was only cos I thought she was coming out my wee wee hole instead.. (yes I did indeed say those exact words to the midwives. LOL)
So pushing for me was a total relief... no pain... and no ring of fire either. Its just the contractions that freak me out when I think of them!
Oh hon! It sounds like a really tough labour and regardless of anything you did or said to get yourself through any labour you should never feel disappointed with yourself.
I was blessed in that my contractions always had breaks (some very short breaks near the end but never rolling contractions). You don't know how you will contract this time so you can't expect it to be the same. It may really surprise you. And if you need to scream again, then by god you just go ahead and scream! I'm no quiet, blissed out mumma in labour either
Your support doesn't sound it like was a good match for you and I'd really be talking to your MW about this. "Perfect" is only what is perfect for each person. If a hands off labour is not for you then let your carers know. Let them know the sort of things you need to hear and the support you're looking for. You deserve the best- this is your birth experience.
And you didn't push wrong because your body pushed Eden out- that's perfect! Your MW was trying toget you not to push the way did- after over an hour of pushing like a maniac to avoid transfer I was pushing without contractions and pushed right through crowning, causing a lovely 2nd degree tear.
And ouch to the second degree tear. I got minor tears, up and down, but didn't need stitching or anything. I pushed for 45 minutes, although it didn't feel like that long!
The tear didn't hurt when it happened but stitching wasn't fun. Though in de-briefing that with my IMs I realise the stitching shouldn't have hurt either- doctors can get a bit impatient waiting for local anesthetic to work. Charming. Thanks for that trauma all because you're in a rush. My pushing was just over 2 hours all up... I was getting a bit over it too
I think the thing with labour pain is that it's so incredibly intense. It's like it consumes you entirely and trying to fight against it only makes it worse. But then it's really hard to just let go.
I didn't have many contractions on top of each other thank goodness. The breaks are what got me through.
arimeh: calmbirth course babe! that's what i reckon helped me during the labour this time. last time with DD1 was excruciating...at one point i yelled out that my pelvis was shattering lol. oh i was glorious lol. i was scared and that lets in alot of adrenalin which constricts muscles (fight or flight response), so if you can keep oxygen flowing (ie through deep calm breathing, even if only between contractions) it helps a whole lot in keeping the adrenalin at bay and lessens the intensity of the pain (at least, this is what i found). the contractions this time where i really felt a bit yuk were just after my waters broke and the shock of that broke my calm-breathing cycle that i was in and sure enough the adrenalin went into overdrive, so had to really bring myself back in and get back into focus...i swear by calmbirth lol!
and Arcadia is right...tell that conscious brain to go somewhere else during labour lol! (we used visualisation and birth affirmations on the wall to 'distract' it while doing the calmbreathing and gentle touch - touch to stimulate oxytocin the 'love' hormone).
anyway, that is just my two cents...i am no birth goddess or guru. i was a chick that had birth trauma first time around and decided to run from the hospital this time and have a baby at home lol...yes, that glamorous and brave lol!
Although I could kill you cos you say you feel no pain.. LOL
arimeh. And welcome pz!
And that was only cos I thought she was coming out my wee wee hole instead.. (yes I did indeed say those exact words to the midwives. LOL)
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