Thanks Cricket I think because I never expected to have a natural birth that I sorta feel the DD2 was a fluke, and maybe I can't do it again because I was never supposed to? Argh I dunno, self doubt is killing me.

I tried getting the Ina May book the other week but they were all sold out, so I got Spiritual Midwifery, New Active Birth and Birthing from within instead. Started new active birth last night, so hopefully that triggers some stuff in my stupid brain to stop being so bloody negative and just believe in myself.