Oh Dot Face I'm so, so sorry you are facing this I think you have had some lovely words of encouragement already and I'm also so sorry to all the other women who have suffered birth trauma.

Tegam it breaks my heart to read about your experience too. Please don't say this is your fault. Abuse is NEVER the fault of the abused. It is up to the people working in these god damned hospitals to pick up their game and stop treating women like this!

Can I just say how very much I appreciate this thread and all of you wonderful women at the moment! It is such a blessing to be able to come in here and share our experiences and ask for help and to receive thoughtful, kind responses xx

AFM I have bitten the bullet and sent out some feeler emails to a few MWs this morning. Still also preparing for a conversation with my MW at my appointment in a week but I'll feel better to start exploring my options and know I have access to other MWs who are still available at my due date so I don't feel trapped if it comes to that. We're going camping this weekend (in a tent cabin so still a mattress on a bed frame thankfully!) so it'll be a lovely chance to get offline for a bit in nature and enjoy my family