Homebirth General Discussion #20

[Dot Face]

Hope you're able to sort everything out meow .

Congratulations to ozstar and everyone else who's had a baby recently! I've been following every now and then but not much. Hard to remember to log in when I'm not rubbing a pregnant belly .

Has anyone who has had to transfer during their birth to hospital had a difficult time coming to terms with it? I didn't get my home water birth which I've gotten over but I find myself sometimes going over my birth and getting frustrated about having an episiotomy, my son being delivered via ventouse, him being suctioned after birth (this especially makes me cringe and really upset), and having syntocin for the placenta. I've tried talking to dh about it but he just goes quiet and doesn't know what to say. I am annoyed mainly that all those things were done without my permission and without being informed why they were necessary. I am considering hiring a doula for my next birth so I have someone to speak up for me as both dh and I are easily intimidated by medical staff.

[Lily Dust]

Has anyone who has had to transfer during their birth to hospital had a difficult time coming to terms with it? I didn't get my home water birth which I've gotten over but I find myself sometimes going over my birth and getting frustrated about having an episiotomy, my son being delivered via ventouse, him being suctioned after birth (this especially makes me cringe and really upset), and having syntocin for the placenta. I've tried talking to dh about it but he just goes quiet and doesn't know what to say. I am annoyed mainly that all those things were done without my permission and without being informed why they were necessary. I am considering hiring a doula for my next birth so I have someone to speak up for me as both dh and I are easily intimidated by medical staff.

Yes!!!!!!! OMG yes a million times.
I am so sorry that you didn't get the birth you had hoped for. I have found it can be such an incredibly hard situation to piece together exactly what and how you are feeling, I am still struggling. I have no advice because I am where you are (maybe just further along in thinking about it) but I reckon there would be a billion worse things you could do than hire a doula. Just be sure she is the right one for you. My I/M failed us badly in terms of medical intervention when she did finally turn up. Huge hugs

[Artechim]

Dot Face, I think that those feeling are common for anyone who didn't get the birth they had planned, regardless of what they were planning itms. My son was to be born in a hospital and I was happy with that but I really wanted to do it naturally, picked a hospital with birth pools in the room etc. Then I got GD and by the time the birth rolled around I was being pressured to induce and eventually did. Then because of the GD I wasn't allowed to go in the pool, then my sugars went crazy so I ended up on the bed with an insulin/glucose drip, then the epidural, threats of C-section, some thing where they put electrodes on his scalp to check oxygen levels, then when he was born they moved to cut his cord instantly and the first word he ever heard was me saying 'No' as I tried to stop them. They did it anyway and whisked him over to the resus table because he was grey.

It is very frustrating and does take a while to get used to. I dwelled on it for ages. I think it is that you stop being an individual with choices and just get sucked into the medical machine, one thing after another and you feel you can't say no to any of it because they are trained medical staff telling you what needs to happen and you want to do what is best for your child no matter if it seems wrong.

I don't actually have any words of wisdom for you because I didn't really get over it until I birthed my second child, so calm and relaxed.

[nyigi]

Hi Dot Face. I know I'm not often in here (can't have a homebirth with this next one...)
But I wanted to comment on transfer.

We had to transfer when my waters broke and they found meconium. I was in active labor by then but still about 6 hours away from delivery and things weren't too intense.
The midwife who was attending us drove us over to the hospital and got us all set up and talked everything through with the midwives there before she had to leave.
Things ended up getting pretty complicated a fair bit later during and after the delivery.
The midwife who attended me at home during early labor also attended me at home postpartum and once she heard what had happened she said she was really glad we had transferred when we did and really glad that she hadn't been the one assisting with the birth, no offense to me of course just that it got pretty scary and she was glad she hadn't had the responsibility and also glad we'd been in hospital to get immediate extra assistance.

All of this meant that I've been fairly glad we transferred when we did, it was certainly much better to transfer then than it would have been at the next sign of trouble.
Occasionally I wonder if everything would have gone the way it did if my care at the hospital had been different or if we'd stayed at home.
But the thing is that there's no way to know and at each point we took what seemed to be the best option at the time (even if that was to blindly follow directions from the midwife).
Maybe now with hindsight and plenty of time to think it over it would have been better to do some things differently. But maybe it wouldn't have made much difference.

I can totally understand why you'd be annoyed especially as things were done without your permission.

Just in my experience, I've found that things happened pretty quickly at the hospital and there often wasn't time to discuss exactly why something was necessary or what other options there might be. Personally I've had more trouble accepting that I wasn't told of things after the fact. I'm very glad they just resuscitated my son as soon as he was born rather than explaining and getting my permission. I wish they'd told me they'd done it rather than me reading it in his notes a year later. I'm also really glad that they stitched up all the internal tearing, just would have been nice to know before I called my midwife a month later to ask about the pain which turned out to be due to the internal stitches pulling. Yes now with hindsight I, and I think also the midwife, may have done some things differently possibly with different outcomes, but I've tried to make peace with the decisions that were made and which at the time seemed to be the best options.

Not sure how much sense that makes or how relevant it may be for your situation and sorry it's a bit long. I guess I've just been thinking a lot on the different perspective that hindsight brings and how in hindsight there are many aspects of my son's birth that I wish had gone differently, but I've found that looking at it from that perspective isn't helpful for me and realizing that each decision was made at the time for good reason brings me more peace and acceptance.

Good luck sorting through it all and best of luck for next time!