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thread: Homebirth General Discussion #3

  1. #73
    Registered User

    Jun 2009
    vic
    2,886

    Tegam: hun. I guess I can see the point of the letter but i don't think she went the right way about it- I think she was stressing how important it is to have a midwife, but instead of just saying that she used unecessary scare tactics. Which I really think you didn't need to hear because your distressed enough as it is about the situation. Stop doubting yourself hun, if anyone was capable of birthing on your own it'd be you. Trust your body and i'm sure if you thought something was not right you could call an ambulance. So now you've got to think whether forking out the money for a midwife who may not make it is worth it? Also if you are not comfortable with this midwife are there any other IM in the area that you could use that may not be as expensive. Either that or you can come live with me for the last month of the pregnancy and use my IM, she only charges per hour + fee for the paper work. Sorry im not very helpful you are usually the one with the wise words!

  2. #74
    Registered User

    Jun 2005
    USA
    3,991

    Oh Tegam- I'm sorry you've been left feeling doubt in yourself.

    TBH I'm not really surprised by her reply. I think overall she sounds really lovely and supportive but I think she would feel it important in a written, recorded conversation to remind you of the role of trained birth attendents and the responsibilities you take on board if you choose to birth without them.

    She has said she could provide pre & postnatal care (just potentially not immediately post-natally) if you want so I'd personally still be interested in having her involved if you want... unless you found her antenatal appointments became fear-mongering sessions.

    She doesn't seem to get what you're up against with the hospital system BUT they can't force an induction or hospital stay so as she says, you could use them for pre & post-natal care if you want and just plan to turn up in labour (should you make it there) and your birth should be quick so they shouldn't have time to intervene. Or you could still just plan not to turn up.

    At the end of the day, choosing a freebirth is about taking full ownership and responsibility for the birth. No-one can give you permission or approval for that- that would be contradictory as giving approval holds a certain ownership IYKWIM and no-one can own this but you. And that's beautiful! I've only just started to come around to the power of that myself... I realised I was still placing ownership of this birth with my IMs but it's much more empowering to claim it for myself.

    All the bestand keep chatting it out!

  3. #75
    Registered User

    Jan 2008
    Brisbane
    5,039

    Still all over the place about the email.

    I am booked into the local hospital and have been revieving ante natal care through them and my plan was to go there after and have the post natal check and paparework done. In writting to her i was just trying to explore the idea that it would be nice to not have to put myself and a brand new baby in a car straigth away for paperwork!

    Thats what i mean i feel/felt like i had made appropriate plans for the most likely event of a quick birth.

    If the risks she talks about are so high and as she suggests that i call an ambulance when i start labour then it just makes me also wonder about my last birth with her. She didnt come and check me when i called her two hours before birth and said i felt funny and was being sick. She also didnt suggest we call and ambulance when my DH called to say i was in labour and all she said when she got the call that id had the baby was "Oh i thought that might happen" Not call an ambulance. She didnt arrive for another 40mins. Way too long in the case of her scare tactics story.

    She just makes me feel like all was ok that time cause id paid someone and freebirthed and this time wouldnt be ok cause i dont want to throw money away.

    We ended up using a emergency pack a MW friend had sent me for the birth. My IM hadnt even set us up with cord clamps or anything. We had the O2 but not really anything else.

    Oh i dont even know what the point of my dribble is about.

    I suppose it comes down to the fact that i feel OB use scare tactics when it comes to birth to convince people to spend the money and i feel like she has just done the same thing!

  4. #76
    Registered User

    Jun 2009
    vic
    2,886

    hun I can understand where you are coming from. Have you pm'd Tanya she might be able to help you with what to do with the paperwork side of things?

    And I understand the point of your dribble, you want the best for you and your baby!

  5. #77
    Registered User

    Mar 2008
    North Northcote
    8,065

    Tegam: she's not the person to be your midwife...that's my honest opinion. the person who should share this journey with you and your family cannot bring fear or feelings of stress into your life...this is far too important event. i would suggest that it would be beneficial to test the waters with someone else. it's obvious that this birth journey this time is not with her ITMS...

    my concern if you do decide to freebirth is that it is because you found closed doors everywhere and had no other real option, and i reckon that's not the best place to be (i'm talking emotionally/spiritually here) when bringing a new beautiful life into the world. claim this birth baby!! you need to feel empowered with whatever decision you go with...

    gosh i hope this comes across the right way...

  6. #78
    Registered User

    Jun 2005
    USA
    3,991

    I have to agree with Cassius. Beautifully said!

    Hearing you talk about the fear mongering, you're right Tegam. She was happy not to convery such aloof fears last time so why now? I think it sounds like she was great MW for you last time but she's not part of this journey.

    I don't think you need to go to hospital or have a MW to get the birth paperwork sorted for an unattended birth. I'm pretty sure you can write a stat dec and have it cosigned by a doctor/midwife who saw you were pregnant. You will by now have plenty of written evidence of your pregnancy so you'd be fine to stay at home and register this baby's birth afterwards.

  7. #79
    Registered User

    Jan 2008
    Brisbane
    5,039

    gosh i hope this comes across the right way...
    Oh gosh it really did!

    Thank you ladies for all your support.I know its there if needed and i like to be there for others but sometimes the overwhelmingly kind people in this forum blow me away.

    Thank you again and i will keep you posted. Its going to be a journey to get to the right choice but hopefully its a nice ride!

  8. #80
    Registered User

    Jan 2008
    Brisbane
    5,039

    I have to agree with Cassius. Beautifully said!

    Hearing you talk about the fear mongering, you're right Tegam. She was happy not to convery such aloof fears last time so why now? I think it sounds like she was great MW for you last time but she's not part of this journey.

    I don't think you need to go to hospital or have a MW to get the birth paperwork sorted for an unattended birth. I'm pretty sure you can write a stat dec and have it cosigned by a doctor/midwife who saw you were pregnant. You will by now have plenty of written evidence of your pregnancy so you'd be fine to stay at home and register this baby's birth afterwards.
    Ill look into that further! Thats where it gets weird, it feel 'wrong'for noone to take a look at the baby or myself after....

    More questions for Tanya too hehe!!

  9. #81
    Registered User

    Jan 2008
    Brisbane
    5,039

    Hearing you talk about the fear mongering, you're right Tegam.
    Thats what upsets me the most!

    You are very right, not the right MW for me!

  10. #82
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jan 2006
    11,633

    Tegam, I get what you're saying. I kinda understand the midwife's position, but in saying that I agree that she is definitely not the person you want supporting you anyway.

    FWIW (and bearing in mind the fact that I really have no idea what it's like to be in this situation), I would hire a midwife. She's meant to be there as a safety net - only just in case. Even if she makes it to the birth, she probably wouldn't do much anyway, you know? At least if she attempts to get there as quickly as possible (and what you describe from teh last birth doesn't really sound good enough) then she'd be there as your safety net.
    But of course you need someone you can trust to really listen to you and give you what you need.

  11. #83
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Sunny Qld
    14,682

    Hi everyone

    Tegam - I agree with what everyone else has said - everyone just expresses it much better than I ever could.. I hope you come up with a solution that you are comfortable with

    I spoke to my mum today, and told her that I was getting the $hits with not knowing where I was going to birth this baby because I couldn't mentally prepare myself for it, if I couldn't visualise the room or place where I was going to birth. She asked me what I meant, and I said, well it will either be at Selangor or in my loungeroom - and she was like - "WHAT!?! Oh no, I don't like that idea at all Melina... what if something goes wrong... "

    And I'm like - its ok mum. And she was like - noo go to the birth centre at least, then you are close to the hospital. And I said "mum, it takes half an hour to get into hospital from here (maximum). It takes the hospital half an hour to prep for a c-section, so even if I was at the hospital OR at the birth centre near the hospital, it would still take half an hour before a c-section could be performed. And that would be the ONLY reason I would be going into the hospital, if an emergency c-section was needed."

    I think I got my point across without being too rude yes? LOL She didn't say much about it after that.. I think she knows that I'll just do what I'm going to do anyway.

  12. #84
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Sunny Qld
    14,682

    Bahhh double post!!!

  13. #85
    Registered User

    Mar 2008
    North Northcote
    8,065

    Arimeh: well at least your mum showed her concerns now...my mum waited until the day before Marta was born...and she was my birth support !

    Meow: are you a FB fan of MN? i just put some pics up on their fan photos!

  14. #86
    Registered User

    Jun 2005
    USA
    3,991

    I agree- best to know your Mum's birth fears now really AE. Possibly changes your perspective on having her as birth support?

    I am a fan of MN cassius and your photos just came up in my newsfeed.. they are gorgeous photos!

    I just had my birth plan meeting with my MWs and H. It went really well. But now I have to write my hospital birth plan JIC. So unmotivated! I had a great day today... had a second adjustment with the chiro and I'm feeling pretty well. Also had an appointment with a homeopeth and she was fab- loved her! Wetalked for ages about my last birth, postnatal, this pregnancy etc and she gave me something to take now and I'll go back next week to get a birth kit of remedies from her. I've never seen a homeopath before and it was such a lovely, nurturing experience

  15. #87
    Registered User

    Mar 2008
    North Northcote
    8,065

    oh meow that all sounds so exciting! i can't believe how close it all is now!!!

  16. #88
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Sunny Qld
    14,682

    I agree- best to know your Mum's birth fears now really AE. Possibly changes your perspective on having her as birth support?
    Nah, mum would only be my birth support if I went back to queensland and birthed at Selangor. So she'd be right - I'd be safe cos I'd be in a hospital

  17. #89
    Registered User

    Jan 2008
    Brisbane
    5,039

    So had a MW appointment a week friday ago, my belly only measuring 22weeks. So had to have a scan. Scan showed low fluid. Had Hospital OB appointment today and it went to the **** rather quickly

    Apparently fluid levels are meant to be from 25-7 i think the 25 starts at 20 weeks and you normally lose numbers as baby gets bigger. So 7 would be the total bottem number for someone say 40-42weeks... Im sitting on 8

    So what does this mean. Scan next monday and see how baby is holding up. Worst case Baby born then! Best case fluid stays the same,,,,they might let me go to 34-36weeks. Fluid builds up again (very rare but not out of the question) Induced at 36weeks.

    So really in a sad mood. Hoping its all resolved next monday on the next scan. Will go back and see OB in the city after scan and decide what my action plan is.

    Feeling rather down and thinking this all means bye bye to homebirthing this one. So unfair when i know what the perfect birth feels like

  18. #90
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Sunny Qld
    14,682

    Ahhhh crap Tegam I'm so sorry

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