Homebirth General Discussion #3

**onthefly** · November 22nd, 2010, 03:23 PM

Ah, you never know Tegam

The 13th is still a while off. Perhaps you can insist on a scan first to see again how things are and take it from there.

**Tegam** · November 22nd, 2010, 03:40 PM

scan booked for the friday before, so hopefully that gives me the reasurance that its ok to leave it a tad longer, DH and i are at each others throats over whats best to 'do'! Im so upset that there is so much stress involved in this little ones birth! Why oh why cant we have a better medical system!

Anyway i am sorry to have the me and downer post its just so many other people do not understand my need to non medicalise this birth. EVERYONE is well waters broken, baby and hour later and then you can go home - isnt that perfect you ungrateful cow??? where as all i hear or think is 'added risk of complications of induction" i dont want to be one of those people that say hey the dr saved my life (oh after the fact the he almost killed me!!!!) YKWIM??

One of the biggest things they are trying to say is with a quick birth and fourth birth i am at a huge risk of a PPH. well i have never had a bleed post birth but yes take on the fact that the chance goes up so yes if i were in hospital it would be easier to manage. BUT what if this old used uterus doesnt like being forced to birth when its not READY and is all floppy cause of the inducement and would have been fine if id just waited?? who could or would possibly answer that question? Its impossible but sadly i am just NOT one of those people that has blind faith the the DR will do the best thing for me or my child. THEY dont care if it ends in a CS and they dont care if baby has to stay in hospital for a week! I DO!!

boohoo

Sorry no need to reply, i would have put it in the vent section but again most people wont understand any of this!

**onthefly** · November 22nd, 2010, 04:07 PM

It's cool Tegam, we all getcha

I feel the same way - and you're right, they don't care. I think too many people mark success or failure by whether you're alive at the end of it or not. Personally, that's not good enough for me!
I'm sorry you and your DH don't see eye to eye over this, that's gotta be extra, extra stressful. Is he a rational bloke, would it be helpful to see the risks of inductions to help him to understand better where you're coming from?
It can be so hard to know what is best, or what is the right decision to make when you can't even trust those giving you medical advice

**Cassius2** · November 22nd, 2010, 04:45 PM

It's cool Tegam, we all getcha

I feel the same way - and you're right, they don't care. I think too many people mark success or failure by whether you're alive at the end of it or not. Personally, that's not good enough for me!

:yeahthat: i can totally agree with that sentiment. it was what was told to me after DD1s birth...how lucky we were to be in the hospital when she stopped breathing. what they didnt want to acknowledge was that the reason why she stopped breathing was because they gave me pethidine (without consent, but that's a whole other story!) when i presented in labour at 38 weeks pg. really they should of thought about it rather than just giving it without consideration of the individual situation ITMS.

is there anyone that you have that can be your support person (i'm thinking an IM or such) that can be there for you in the hospital? they can be really great advocates and protectors of the birthing family. i know it's getting to the business end but maybe a possibility??

Meow: i'll track them down! one is on here in the birth montage thread....just posted a few days ago of the lady in brazil...her kids were sooo cute. but there is another one, an aussie one of a mum in a white bikini top with her toddler boy and she is in your bog standard bathtub...just gorgeous *goes off to investigate*

*EDIT* Here it is: Aussie one...
Brazilian one...

**onthefly** · November 22nd, 2010, 06:06 PM

Thanks Cassius! I just watched those with DS. He was quite interested - thought it was very cool that there was a boy like him in the first one.

I'm gobsmacked that they gave you pethedine without asking. That's shocking. Well, wait, i guess it isn't really.

**meow** · November 22nd, 2010, 08:06 PM

Hmm Tegam, I have a hard time believing that if your baby MUST come early they know that now but can wait 3 more weeks. Either it's critical now, or you wait and see. I'd just keep trucking along and see what the further diagnosis closer to the time brings up. I understand this must be so stressful for you... and I completely get what you are saying about the birth.

A very good friend of mine just had her baby today, induced at 37 weeks. They lost their first baby at 34 weeks so to wait till 37 weeks has been very hard for her and I completely respect that... but in a conversation I had with her about birth plans etc a while ago she said "I'm just going to do whatever they tell me to do. I just want a live baby". I found that hard because I want a live baby too... but not exploring birth at all and just listening to someone tell me to have an epidural or whatever is not how I want to approach birth. I want a live baby AND a positive birth experience for me AND my baby.

I often think of you being given pethadine while your H was shut out and you were saying "no" Cassius. That abuse just gives me chills

Thank you SO much for the birth videos! I was struggling to trawl through montages and find good videos my son could watch and hear. We watched this one and it went well- he laughed when the baby was coming out

He helps me make the "noises to help baby come out" and seemed really intriged when the mother made noise in this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBqMPq2Rxus

**meow** · November 23rd, 2010, 04:31 AM

I always forget things... thanks for passing on that Arimeh was thinking of me Tegam! That's really lovely

I'm looking forward to her being back and hopefully still planning a HB.

And I am wilting a bit in the heat Cassius! Starting to swell up a little which is always lovely

**Tegam** · November 23rd, 2010, 11:44 AM

Meow! Arimeh must be due back soon she banned herself for a month over some nasty comments in another thread but she so misses this thread. Yes she is still planning a HB or at the least a birth centre spot!

Thanks for your comments. Thats what i am struggling with. If things are so bad then how can we wait another two weeks for another scan and have no monitoring or anything in the middle. I get the feeling that they are pushing the negatives of the fluid and growth as a way to make sure i dont let myself have a HB. But i am just walking the line at the momemt and waiting to see that next scan!

IF ONE MORE PERSON CONGRATULATES ME ON MY INDUCEMENT DATE ILL SCREAM! It is not a positive thing and yes a live birth and a healthy mumma at the end is the most important thing but surely there is some room to make the experience safe and positive for us both!!!

**Eenee** · November 23rd, 2010, 11:53 AM

IF ONE MORE PERSON CONGRATULATES ME ON MY INDUCEMENT DATE ILL SCREAM! It is not a positive thing and yes a live birth and a healthy mumma at the end is the most important thing but surely there is some room to make the experience safe and positive for us both!!!

Didn't think you'd be to pleased with people congratulating you on this

It's hard to know if they're pushing you for an induction for concern over you and your baby or whether thats just what they want. It's a tough situation to be in hun and I don't envy you at all. Also hard when husbands aren't supportive of our decisions. But I guess they have their concerns to, but frustrating all the same. If ya need to chat you know how to contact me.

**Tegam** · November 23rd, 2010, 12:01 PM

Thanks Em, its not even really that DH isnt supporting me and my decision, he is just pushing for me to make a decision but agrees its almost impossible. Then seems negative to all my options and then says ill support you with whatever you decide. Well f&%k that for a joke that isnt support. Talk to me about it, i know im emotional about it but its not really something that you cant be emotional about it and its not something that you can go off the facts cause there really arent any facts in front of us!!!

Grrrrrr

You noticed all the congrats and no one commented on the concerns.....OOhhhhh lucky me i get to be one of those women that put up their hands of responsibility and get to say, oh the OB saved my life!!! grrrrr

**onthefly** · November 23rd, 2010, 12:19 PM

I'm not sure why anyone would be happy about that Tegam

It's a crap situation all round.
I was thinking the same thing as Meow - don't quite understand how it can be so urgent if you're waiting 2 weeks before checking again... I really don't envy your situation at all.

How are things with you em?

Thanks for that link Meow - DS also enjoyed that one.

**Eenee** · November 23rd, 2010, 12:24 PM

Tegam: Wish I could make it all better for you!

Marcellus: Things are going well just can't wait to have a homebirth and my little one in my arms (well obviously I can wait until Bub is to term). Still don't think it's quite sunk in yet though!

**Cassius2** · November 23rd, 2010, 02:24 PM

good to hear from you Em! wow, look at your ticker

you'll be on the countdown soon!! woo hoo!!!!!!!

tegam: oh babe, this is such a stressful situation to be in, big phat

. a girl in my MG had a similar story where they kept doing scan after scan after scan. kept telling her about her baby's 'poor' growth and such like, but TBH my instinct was that they had pegged her as high risk cause she was pushing 40 and had decided that it was easier for them to control the situation. her baby was born a good weight for gestation (they induced her at 38 weeks) and she was perfectly healthy as was the placenta...so i dont know...how accurate are these scans?? i mean, i would of thought that if growth was seriously comprimised that it would be easily enough detected...but then again i am no expert...arghhh, i can only imagine what you guys are going through. is there anyway to get some third party advice on the situation? like someone that is more open to your wishes and might be able to assess the situation with that in mind? nothing worse than feeling bullied xx

Meow: thanks for the link! i remember that one because i loved the way they filmed her through the pool...so cool!

Arimeh: hope you come back soon sweets xx sorry to hear that there were some nasty things flown your way on bb of all places

. been there a year ago and boy it rocks your world xx

**Lady-bug** · November 25th, 2010, 05:27 AM

Morning ladies,

Just thought I'd update. I've met my midwife and I think I'm in love

I can't believe I didn't do this the first time around. I feel so calm and relaxed about the whole thing and I just can't wait til it all happens. We sat and chatted for about 2 hours and no waiting in a waiting room with sick people!! Awesome! So obviously we are definitely going ahead with our homebirth.
(Can you tell I'm a little excited??)

Meow-Hope you're feeling well