hi all. I thought I might sneak back into this group. Bub #2 is cooking and we've spent the last few months trying to decide what kind of antenatal care and birth we want. Dh in particular is nervous about a HB and would prefer we go to hospital, for just in case. I flip between the two options, depending on my emotional state. I know intellectually the birth place had nothing to do with DS passing away. Nothing would have stopped that. But the fear of losing another bub is always there.
We've interviewed a couple of OBs and decided to stay with our midwife for antenatal care. Hospitals give me the heeby jeebies, especially maternity clinics. Everytime I have to go to one for an appt I dont sleep for days. Instead, we're going to have all our appts in our lounge room at times that suit both of us, like weekends and evenings.
We met with an OB at the RWH who boosted my very low self-confidence by telling us we might as well have all our care with our midwife and we'd be fine for a HBHe said his antenatal care wouldnt be any different to our midwife's, as we're not high risk. That meant so much to me. I felt like I was 10ft tall after that. He was the one who was on call and approved the vaginal breech with DS, though he'd clocked off by the time he was born. He was also the one who gave us the autopsy results, so funnily enough, there's a relationship there. One thing we've found is we dont want to deal with strangers or have to explain the history. Dh especially doesnt feel comfortable with it. Maybe I'm more used to it, having had to be the one to have strangers dealing with the most intimate areas throughout birth etc.
The downside of going to hospital, apart from the interventions and emotional baggage, is we dont know who will be on call. Though, we have our IM and she was great last time. The upside may be we feel safer if anything goes wrong.
Theupside of HB are manyincluding not having to debate with strangers about my care and why I want things they way I do. The downside may be, if at any time I panic or something goes wrong, my adrenalin and DH's will go through the roof and I worry about what that would do to the birth process and bub.
For now, we're not making a definate decision. I like to think we'll plan for a HB like last time and transfer if necessary. I've told Dh his emotional needs are as important as mine with this decision. I need him to be on board and not be filling the birth space with fear. So I want us to work on that. I think birth is normal and should be treated that way and I'd like us to get back in that space.
Obviously, if this bub turns out to be affected with the same genetic disorder, that changes everything. But that's NOT going to happen.
Meanwhile I'll pop in here to read about how normal birth is. I do not want to read another disaster story.
I think I'd rather just find a quiet den when it comes to my birthing time and hide from the world until bub's born.
It makes me feel jealous though and homesick for having moved out of my HB nest!
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