Homebirth General Discussion #4

[Cassius2]

...ok, about to read it...can i just say in the words of Big Kev: "i'm EXCITED!"

[Cassius2]

*mwah* what a gorgeous birth journey Arcadia!!! thank you so much for sharing that with us!

it's funny about the cord as similarly Marta had a loop tight around her neck and the waves functioned in a similar way. although as she was coming down the birth canal she was gently nodding her head, which now, we can see was her way of moving down without causing more stress on the short and tightly wrapped cord...these babies are amazing and have such an amazing ability to work out what they need when left to their own devices. imagine if we were forced to push these guys out with the direction of OBs and clocks...

[*Ash*]

Arcadia! oh, what can I say? Just beautiful....
I did post a response in your thread earlier today but it said I needed mod approval. I just checked now and my comments are still not showing- hopefull they turn up! But in case they don't, I wanted to drop in here and say WOW, amazing....Such a beautiful birth and a fabulously written birth story. What an insight in to your emotional journey too. Thank you so much. I loved reading it.

[LionsandBears]

hi all. I thought I might sneak back into this group. Bub #2 is cooking and we've spent the last few months trying to decide what kind of antenatal care and birth we want. Dh in particular is nervous about a HB and would prefer we go to hospital, for just in case. I flip between the two options, depending on my emotional state. I know intellectually the birth place had nothing to do with DS passing away. Nothing would have stopped that. But the fear of losing another bub is always there.

We've interviewed a couple of OBs and decided to stay with our midwife for antenatal care. Hospitals give me the heeby jeebies, especially maternity clinics. Everytime I have to go to one for an appt I dont sleep for days. Instead, we're going to have all our appts in our lounge room at times that suit both of us, like weekends and evenings.

We met with an OB at the RWH who boosted my very low self-confidence by telling us we might as well have all our care with our midwife and we'd be fine for a HB He said his antenatal care wouldnt be any different to our midwife's, as we're not high risk. That meant so much to me. I felt like I was 10ft tall after that. He was the one who was on call and approved the vaginal breech with DS, though he'd clocked off by the time he was born. He was also the one who gave us the autopsy results, so funnily enough, there's a relationship there. One thing we've found is we dont want to deal with strangers or have to explain the history. Dh especially doesnt feel comfortable with it. Maybe I'm more used to it, having had to be the one to have strangers dealing with the most intimate areas throughout birth etc.

The downside of going to hospital, apart from the interventions and emotional baggage, is we dont know who will be on call. Though, we have our IM and she was great last time. The upside may be we feel safer if anything goes wrong.

Theupside of HB are many including not having to debate with strangers about my care and why I want things they way I do. The downside may be, if at any time I panic or something goes wrong, my adrenalin and DH's will go through the roof and I worry about what that would do to the birth process and bub.

For now, we're not making a definate decision. I like to think we'll plan for a HB like last time and transfer if necessary. I've told Dh his emotional needs are as important as mine with this decision. I need him to be on board and not be filling the birth space with fear. So I want us to work on that. I think birth is normal and should be treated that way and I'd like us to get back in that space.

Obviously, if this bub turns out to be affected with the same genetic disorder, that changes everything. But that's NOT going to happen.

Meanwhile I'll pop in here to read about how normal birth is. I do not want to read another disaster story.

[Cassius2]

welcome tashybabe!!!

it is so joyful to see you in here! I am so excited and thrilled

you guys seem to have found a pretty good arrangement with the OB and the IM i reckon. if you do get a bit scared, panicky during this journey, you know that you can get your IM to request an appt with him for you. mebbe even one where he is present with all of you (IM included ITMS). anything is possible.

As someone that has had a PTSD related to a previous birth experience all i can really recommend is to tackle issues head on. the fears, concerns, even niggling doubts. like you said, you want to minimise the possible impacts of a trigger not only during the birth, but also in the last few weeks. I can HIGHLY recommend seeing my friend and calmbirth practitioner for both you and DH. she worked in two private intensive sessions with DH and I and then in a group setting through her course and it is what really rallied me and helped me for the times that panic did set in and i could feel the adrenalin kicking in (this is also pre birth and post birth!). i know that i sound like a broken record if you have seen my other posts about this, but it was one of the best decisions we made for that journey.

build your arsenal of support and backup plans (for me, i had a backup plan with a mother baby unit for example, if i found myself losing the plot postnatally...that was a hard plan to have in place for all sorts of reasons but ultimately once it was in place i never ever thought about it again IYKWIM...and i have no idea what happened to the booking lol).

another important step that we took early on was to talk it all through with our therapist. she was fantastic and specialised in all things birth trauma and postnatal anxieties etc etc. she was fan-diddly-tastic with DH and worked with us both to achieve a shared goal and shared journey to get that goal (can sometimes be two different things). after we agreed to go the HB route and we were both back on track and kickin' old skool style we only saw her at key points that we identified might be trigger moments (like the last few weeks of the pregnancy for me).

anyway, i have blabbered on heaps already and could keep going until the cows come home hahaha!

love you sweets and it is so great to see back in here and bring on October!!! wahoooo!

[Tegam]

Tashy YAYAYYAYAYAY and welcome. Sounds like you are in a great place at the moment re birth options and what a great OB you have found... Can i just say that i had two beautiful hospital births then a FANTASTIC homebirth... i got a little ****y and re entered the medical system. I was let down and for the first time in my life i have huge regrets re Mollys birth. The strangers, the difference of opinions your get the, no knowing whos on call and who you can call. I am that upset by the events that i cant write a birth story...... Im here in this thread so i guess my view is bias but even DH says if i were to ever have another baby i would not be allowed to step foot in a hospital unless it was the last option and that everyone having a baby should have one MW they know follow them through their pregnancy...

Sorry for the rant

And what cassius said....congrats and bring on OCTOBER

[LionsandBears]

Just needed to pop back in here as I'm starting to feel a bit like a weirdo. Everyone I know goes to private OBs and private hospitals and think I'm weird to want to go to the public hospital (we're not admitting IRL we're considering a HB this time), especially given what we've been through. If I could have all private midwife appts at home for my ante natal care and then transfer to a private hospital with a guaranteed private room and nicer meals I would, but we cant do that without paying $$ for an OB.

Part of me feel seduced by the idea of a cosy hotel like hospital room with room service etc and I start to feel what am i doing? I've paid PHI for years, why aren't we using it to use a private hospital?

I just can't get past how lovely it is to have our ante-natal appointments in our own lounge room. Currently our PHI may cover a homebirth (we have to write for approval). The midwife is now covered by medicare, so we'll get some cash back there too. Remind me again how great homebirth is again. I could stil spend $$$ for a private OB and hospital and still have a crap birth, yes? I've heard those stories too.

Tegam -I am so sorry you didn't get the birth you want. I dont know if writing it out would help at all. For us, no matter what kind of birth we have, our IM is essential. Wouldn't do it without her. She kicked butt on our behalf at DS's birth. I know we wouldnt have got the birth we did without her.

Cassius - that's interesting you set things up with the mum and bub unit before hand. Where are mum and bub units anyway? I might get your therapists contact details off you. We have a very good shrink, but he's all for the medicalised model of obstetrics and it's doing my head in. Last time he suggested we have a paed in the room at the birth. DH loves this idea. I freaked, including having nightmares about people taking my baby off me. I am getting the baby on my chest after birth and no one is taking him or her away from me. Obviously that's a major trigger for me I think I'd rather just find a quiet den when it comes to my birthing time and hide from the world until bub's born.

[Tegam]

you know its not even that you could get a crap birth from a private OB, its that it so sad those people dont know what they are missing and the OBs spend 9 months brain waving you into believing that they will SAVE you from your own birth! ive been private twice with different OBs, i have been public once and HBd once.... i choose HB every time, the OB! never public!

[Cassius2]

J

Part of me feel seduced by the idea of a cosy hotel like hospital room with room service etc and I start to feel what am i doing? I've paid PHI for years, why aren't we using it to use a private hospital?

I just can't get past how lovely it is to have our ante-natal appointments in our own lounge room. Currently our PHI may cover a homebirth (we have to write for approval). The midwife is now covered by medicare, so we'll get some cash back there too. Remind me again how great homebirth is again. I could stil spend $$$ for a private OB and hospital and still have a crap birth, yes? I've heard those stories too.

Cassius - that's interesting you set things up with the mum and bub unit before hand. Where are mum and bub units anyway? I might get your therapists contact details off you. We have a very good shrink, but he's all for the medicalised model of obstetrics and it's doing my head in. Last time he suggested we have a paed in the room at the birth. DH loves this idea. I freaked, including having nightmares about people taking my baby off me. I am getting the baby on my chest after birth and no one is taking him or her away from me. Obviously that's a major trigger for me I think I'd rather just find a quiet den when it comes to my birthing time and hide from the world until bub's born.

Tash, talking frankly...i've had the *nice cosy hotel style room* of a private hospital for DD1. and yeah, it looked really nice and had all the bells and whistles, but trust me, it doesnt feel nice. you are not in your own space. you still have randoms walking in, telling you when and where and how (from peads, to cleaners to bazillions of midwives). there is nothing comfortable or cosy about it I'm afraid. the cosiest place to be is in your own bed with your baby lying on your chest so that you can just explore their little bodies and smell and cuddles while your midwife, husband are sitting at the kitchen table chowing down on some yummy homecooked meal. for me, that is the most cosiest and precious time. gentle and quiet and respectful IYKWIM.

And yeah, of course there are the horror private stories (i was one of them afterall). i wont go into it as I think you probably already know what it was like for me (i have also added a new section to DD1s birth story to give some insight into that journey afterwards). but in answer to your question i honestly believe with no maliciousness in my heart that one places themselves more at risk of having a crap birth by going private then they do of staying at home...or even by going public. for example, a public hossy is better equipped and more flexible for more interesting birth scenarios (ie breech birth )...a private hossy will never allow it.

and you know, there is always a way to find a happy balance for you and DH to achieve both your dreams and wishes for the birth. start exploring and talking to people that might know (for example) of say (hypothetically speaking of course) a paed that could work in close contact with your IM. i am sure i heard of someone that used to do that Hawthorn way (but this was quite awhile ago if i remember correctly)...get the feelers out and see if this could work. but TBH your IM and her backup can handle what she has to if there is a need to transfer, trust in that process

my psychologist is a gem. and i would be more than happy to pass on her details. we still keep in close contact as she just genuinely loves her job and sharing in our journey. she is also totally clued in and specialises in all things birth and baby related (her speciality is birth trauma, pnd, AND and grief). she is AMAZING. i'll PM you

[Tegam]

on the side.....MARTA is 7 months old!

[Eenee]

welcome Tashybabe!

Sorry everyone haven't been in here for sooooooo long!

[Cassius2]

on the side.....MARTA is 7 months old!

i know right??! i can't believe it. she is my BABY! time is just flying...i can barely keep up with her!

Em: great to see you again! i love your ticker photo; always puts a smile on my face

[Tegam]

Cassius why do you think i have 4.....GOES FAR TOO QUICKLY.... I cant wait to read your next birth story!

[Cassius2]

haha! it would be lovely to have another baby but ATM i swing too widly between YES YES YES and ooooohhhh NNOOOOOOOO! (usually the oh no bit comes when the midnight booby monster stirs or the toddler is doing a disco dance on the floor about not getting XYZ hahaha).

Just thought to share a woo hoo for homebirth moment for the day....got a call from my gorgeous midwife this morning asking if i would be able to donate any milk for a new "hot off the press" baby mama was transferred HB and of course her and bubs are/were a bit shagged after it all and they needed a bit of a helping hand as hossy wasnt going to let her go home until her milk came in so they organised with the hossy to discharge if they could get some donated EBM...and that's where i came in

man, i love homebirth and all the love and support that comes with it. this is what it's all about

[LionsandBears]

awww that's so lovely. I think it's wonderful you're able to donate some milk. I hope the mum and bub recover soon and can go home. Who wants to be in hospital when you've got you're own bed to go to?

[Arcadia]

Hi everyone! Thanks for all the love about my birth story...I still think it was the most magical birth (along with DD's of course). *Mwa*

Tashybabe, I have been thinking of you heaps. I am so glad you have decided to go with your IM again. She is amazing and will be a tower of strength to you as you face this pregnancy journey. IM's offer so much more than antenatal care, they are there for you emotionally as well. She won't encourage you to stay home if she thinks you need to be in hospital..trust in her care and I think you WILL have the both you desire!

[onthefly]

Aw, that's lovely.

Tashy, my 2c. I had the private OB and private hospital with lovely private room and decent food. Sucky birth but. Disrespectful midwives who didn't know me from a bar of soap. Arguments with the private OB. We were much happier with DD's birth even with the transfer to the local public hospital with crappy-arse food.
Whatever you decide, you've gotta feel good about it. Your IM sounds like a gem.

[Tegam]

man, i love homebirth and all the love and support that comes with it. this is what it's all about

After i had tom a lady sadly passed away after having her 4th (no related to birth) and one of her wishes along with her family was that the baby have only breast milk. Her community was great and the baby would even have feeds off different women at church. My MW did a call around and picked up milk from her ladies and that baby had nothing but EBM for 12 months...how fantastic!

Its a great community the HB one! I love it!

Good on you for donatin and letting that mumma get home and be looked after properly!